AND, UH, I TWEET ON THE TWITTER,

AND I GRAM ON THE INSTAGRAM.

AND, UH, I DRUNK SHOP ON AMAZON.

AND, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE THESE THINGS ON YOUR PHONE

CALLED EMOJIS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE EMOJIS ARE?

[scattered cheers] OKAY.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW, EMOJIS ARE THOSE TINY LITTLE IMAGES

YOU CAN PUT, YOU KNOW, IN YOUR TEXTS,

AND THERE'S HUNDREDS OF 'EM.

AND SOME ARE OBVIOUS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.

LIKE, THERE'S A HEART.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY'S SEEN THAT ONE.

AND THEN SOME JUST DON'T MAKE AS MUCH SENSE

THAT THEY CAME UP WITH.

THERE'S ONE HERE.

I USED THAT ONCE WHEN I WAS TEXTING ABOUT THE OLSEN TWINS,

BUT THAT'S THE ONLY TIME.

BUT I DID SOME RESEARCH AND I FOUND OUT

THE EMOJI CAN BE USED FOR TWO DIFFERENT THINGS,

DEPENDING ON YOUR AGE.

SO HERE'S SOME EXAMPLES.

THE FIRST ONE I WANNA SHOW YOU IS THIS ONE.

AND, UH, THIS TO YOUNGER PEOPLE IT MEANS, "I'M HAPPY."

BUT TO OLDER PEOPLE IT MEANS,

"I CAN'T FIND MY BOTTOM DENTURES."

[laughter]

I CAN'T-- I CAN'T FIND 'EM.

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

TO YOUNGER PEOPLE IT MEANS, "I'M WILD AND CRAZY."

AND TO OLDER PEOPLE IT MEANS,

"I GOT MY PLASTIC SURGERY DONE IN MEXICO."

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

TO YOUNGER PEOPLE THIS MEANS, "YOU'RE HOT."

TO OLDER PEOPLE IT MEANS,

"I'M HOT. MY ESTROGEN PATCH EXPIRED."

[laughter]

IT'S HOT IN HERE.

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

AND THIS IS-- TO YOUNGER PEOPLE IT MEANS,

"ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND."

TO OLDER PEOPLE IT MEANS, "ROOMMATES."

[laughter and cheering]

YOU KNOW?

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

THIS ONE MEANS TO YOUNGER PEOPLE,

"HI, WHAT DAY AND TIME DOES YOUR PLANE ARRIVE?"

TO OLDER PEOPLE IT MEANS,

"MY KEYBOARD IS STUCK ON THE TINY PICTURES.

"HOW DO I CHANGE IT BACK TO NORMAL

"SO I CAN STOP TYPING THIS NONSENSE?

AND WHY DO THEY MAKE THE PHONE SO SMALL ANYWAY?"

THAT'S, UH-- I HOPE IT HELPED.

[cheers and applause]

I THINK THAT HELPED, AND IF IT DIDN'T, I'M SAD FACE.