TO OUR LIVE LIVE ELECTION SPECIAL.

TO OUR LIVE LIVE ELECTION SPECIAL.

I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

私はあなたのホスト、ステファン・コルバートです。

I'M WEARING A SUIT TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S THE ELECTION.

I'M WEAR A SUIT TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S THE ELECTION.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE.

素敵だと思ったんだ

I DRESSED UP.

ドレスアップしたの

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TOO.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD TOO.

I'M NOT ALONE.

私は一人じゃない

I HAVE THE TWO MASKED MEN WHO ARE NORMALLY IN HERE.

I HAVE THE TWO MASKED MEN WHO ARE NORMALLY IN HERE.

I'D LOVE TO LEARN THEIR NAMES SOME DAY.

いつか名前を覚えたいわ

MY LADY WIFE IS HERE.

私の妻はここにいる

SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

SHE'S HAD A LITTLE WINE.

SHE'S HAD A LITTLE WINE.

BUT SHE'S A CORE DEMOGRAPHIC.

BUT SHE'S A CORE DEMOGRAPHIC.

SHE'S A SUBURBAN WOMAN.

彼女は郊外の女性だ

AS SHE GOES, SO GOES THE NATION, IS MY UNDERSTANDING.

彼女が行けば国も行く、それが私の理解です。

TONIGHT SHE'S GOING HOME WITH ME.

TONIGHT SHE'S GOING HOME WITH ME.

AND TONIGHT WE'RE ON SHO TIME, JUST LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO.

AND TONIGHT WE'RE ON SHO TIME, JUST LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO.

AND WE KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE, BECAUSE IT'S LIVE.

AND WE KNOW WHY WE'RE WE'RE HERE, BECA'S IT'S LIVE.

THE THING IS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT SOME OF THE INGREDIENTS OF

問題なのは、私たちは、私たちは何の成分の一部が何であるかを知らないということです。

TONIGHT'S SHOW ARE GOING TO BE.

TONIGHT'S SHOW ARE GOING TO BE.

IT'S LIKE MAKING COOKIES.

IT'S LIKE MAKING COOKIES.

AT THIS POINT, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO BE IN THE BATCH,

この時点では、何がバッチに入っているのか分からない。

CHOCOLATE CHIPS, RAISINS, OR A HANDFUL OF THUMBTACKS.

チョコレートチップス、レインジン、または一握りのサムタック。

AS WE JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN, PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH US AND

未知の世界への旅のように、私たちと一緒に寛大になってください。

YOURSELF.

自分自身を

HOLD ON TIGHT.

しっかりつかまって

HOLD ON TO YOUR LOVED ONES.

HOLD ON TO YOUR LOVED ONES.

HOLD ON TO YOUR PETS.

あなたのペットにしがみついて

AND IF YOU'RE HOLDING ON TO ANYTHING ELSE TURN YOUR ZOOM

他のものにしがみついているならズームを回してください

CAMERA OFF.

カメラオフ

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME WHY WE DID THIS AGAIN BECAUSE WE

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME WHY WE DID THIS AGAIN BECAUSE WE

DID IT FOUR YEARS AGO AND IT WAS A PAINFUL EXPERIENCE.

4年前にやってみたが 苦痛な経験だった

BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU RIGHT NOW,

BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU RIGHT NOW,

AND PARTLY BECAUSE WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE NEW YORK

ニューヨークを離れることが許されていないからだ

ANYMORE.

もういいわ

I'M GLAD TO BE ON SHOWTIME, BECAUSE HOLY ( BLEEP ).

ショータイムに出れるのが嬉しいわ。

THIS IS A ( BLEEP ) WEIRD ELECTION.

これは ( BLEEP ) 変な選挙です。

FIRST OF ALL, WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC, SO BEFORE THE POLLS

まず第一に、私たちはパンデミックにいるので、世論調査の前に

OPENED THIS MORNING, 99.7% OF AMERICANS VOTED.

今朝、アメリカ人の99.7％が投票しました。

A LOT OF THE VOTES WERE WERE SENT BY MAIL, AND AS WE PEEK,

投票の多くは郵便で送られてきた、と私たちが覗き込むように。

THE G.O.P. IS WORKING HARD TO

G.O.P.は懸命に取り組んでいます

CONVINCE THE COURTS TO DISQUALIFY VOTES ON

CONVINCE THE COURTS TO DISQUALIFY VOTES ON

TECHNICALITIES AND BASELESS CHARGES OF FRAUD.

技術と無関係の不正の罪。

YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING: "IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, FIND A JUDGE WHO

YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING: "IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, FIND A JUDGE WHO

SAYS THAT, NO, ACTUALLY, YOU DID BEAT 'EM."

"いや、実際には君は彼らを打ち負かした "と言ってる

NOW, DOUBT ABOUT WHETHER THE ELECTION WILL BE FAIR OR NOT HAS

NOW, DOUBT ABOUT WHETHER THE ELECTION WILL BE FAIR OR NOT HAS

RAISED FEAR OF VIOLENCE IN THE STREETS.

路上での暴力の恐怖を煽った。

IN FACT, ALL OVER THE COUNTRIES, RETAILERS ARE BOARDING UP THEIR

実際には、世界中の小売業者が自社の製品に乗り込んでいます。

WINDOWS.

ＷＩＮＤＯＷＳ。

IT'S BEEN A BANNER DAY FOR JIM'S DOOMSDAY PLYWOOD.

IT'S BEEN A BANNER DAY FOR JIM'S DOOMSDAY PLYWOOD.

JIM'S IS ACTUALLY OPEN.

ジムの店が開いている。

THE PLYWOOD IS JUST-- IT'S JUST ALWAYS UP THERE.

THE PLYWOOD IS JUST-- IT'S JUST ALWAYS UP THERE.

BUSINESSES EVERYWHERE ARE TAKING PRECAUTIONS, INCLUDING SAKS

BUSINESSES EVERYWHERE ARE TAKING PRECAUTIONS, INCLUDING SAKS

FIFTH AVENUE AND CVS.

FIFTH AVENUE AND CVS.

INSTEAD OF PLYWOOD, CVS IS PROTECTING ITS WINDOWS WITH A

合板の代わりに、CVSはその窓を保護しています。

RECEIPT FOR A SINGLE GATORADE.

シングルガトーレイドのレシピ。

AS WE SPEAK, JOE BIDEN IS IN DELAWARE, THE PRESIDENT IS AT

話をするとジョー・バイデンはデラウェアにいて 大統領はそこにいます

THE WHITE HOUSE.

ホワイトハウス

IF EITHER ONE OF THEM COMES OUT TO SPEAK, DURING THIS SHOW-- DO

もし、どちらかがこのショーの途中で発言した場合は

WE HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO DO THIS?-- WE ARE PREPARED NOT TO

WE HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO DO THIS?-- WE ARE PREPARED NOT TO

GO TO EITHER ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE THIS IS MY SHOW.

GO TO EITHER ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE THIS IS MY SHOW.

GET YOUR OWN SHOW, FELLAS.

GET YOUR OWN SHOW, FELLAS.

AND WHILE THIS IS A COMEDY SHOW-- SO FAR-- THE RESULTS

これはコメディショーなのに...これまでのところ結果は...

YOU'LL BE HEARING ARE REAL.

あなたが聞いているのは本物です。

WE'RE GETTING THEM STRAIGHT FROM THE PIPE OVER AT CBS NEWS,

WE'RE GETTING THEM STRAIGHT FROM THE PIPE OVER AT CBS NEWS,

THE SAME PIPE THEY JACK INTO THE BACK OF JOHN DICKERSON'S

THE SAME PIPE THEY JACK INTO THE BACK OF JOHN DICKERSON'S

HEAD.

HEAD.

AT THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT IS THROWING A PARTY

ホワイトハウスで 大統領はパーティーを開いている

IS THAT STILL HAPPENING?

まだ続いているのか？

IT'S STILL HAPPENING.

まだ起きてるわ

IT IS PLANNED FOR 250 GUESTS, DOWN FROM THE ORIGINAL 400.

それは250人のゲストのために計画されています、元の400からダウンしています。

TRUMP WANTED TO KEEP IT TO JUST HIS NEAREST AND DEAREST

TRUMPは、それを最も近くて最愛の人だけにとどめたいと思っていました。

CO-DEFENDANTS.

被告人

ONCE AGAIN, THE PRESIDENT IS HOLDING A LARGE INDOOR

またしても、大統領は大規模な屋内集会を開催しています。

GATHERING DURING A PANDEMIC.

汎発性気候の中での集合。

THIS WAY, IF HE LOSES, HE CAN JUST SEAL HIS ADMINISTRATION IN

これで、負けても、政権運営を封印することができます。

WITH HIM, LIKE A PHAROAH'S TOMB.

彼と一緒に ファローの墓のように

HE'S ALREADY GOT GOLD WALLS, HIEROGLYPHICS, AND HIS DEMONIC

彼はすでに金色の壁を持っていて、 擬人化された...

ESCORT INTO THE UNDERWORLD.

世界に潜入。

AND TO KEEP TRUMP SAFE FROM THE ELECTION UNREST THAT HE'S

そして、選挙の不安からトランプを守るために、彼はそれをしています。

COUNTING ON, THE GOVERNMENT ERECTED A NON-SCALABLE FENCE

カウントオン、政府は、非スケーラブルなフェンスを建設しました。

AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE.

ホワイトハウスの周りで

SO, IN THE END, THEY BUILT. THE.

それで、最終的には、彼らは構築した。THE.

WALL. AND LOCKED. HIM. UP.

壁に鍵をかけた彼を上に

PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KEPT.

約束は守られた、約束は守られた。

YESTERDAY WAS BOTH CANDIDATES' LAST CHANCE TO MAKE A PITCH TO

YESTERDAY WAS BOTH CANDIDATES' LAST CHANCE TO MAKE A PITCH TO

THE VOTERS.

THE VOTERS.

JOE BIDEN WAS IN PENNSYLVANIA, WHERE HE BROUGHT OUT A SPECIAL

ジョー・バイデンは ペンシルバニア州にいた そこで特別番組を放送していた

GUEST: LADY GAGA!

GUEST: LADY GAGA!

BECAUSE NOTHING STEAMS TRUMP'S BUNS MORE THAN A TOP CELEBRITY

トップセレブ以上に トランプのお尻を蒸すものはないからだ

SHILLING FOR THE OTHER GUY.

SHILLING FOR THE OTHER GUY.

THE BEST HE'S EVER GOTTEN WAS POP SENSATION LADY RUDY.

THE BEST HE'S EVER GOTTEN WAS POP SENSATION LADY RUDY.

THOUGHT, IT'S REFRESHING TO SEE RUDY IN A COMEDY BIT WHERE HE'S

思ったんだけど、コメディの中のルーディを見るのは新鮮だよね。

NOT TOUCHING HIMSELF.

NOT TOUCHING HIMSELF.

SO AT ONE OF HIS CLOSING RALLIES, TRUMP LASHED OUT AT

彼の最後の集会の一つで、 トランプは怒りをぶつけました。

BIDEN'S POP STAR FRIEND.

BIDEN'S POP STAR FRIEND。

>> LADY GAGA IS NOT TOO GOOD.

>> >> レディガガガはあまり良くない。

I COULD TELL YOU PLENTY OF STORIES ABOUT LADY GAGA.

あなたにたくさんの話をすることができます。

I HAVE LOTS OF STORIES ABOUT LADY GAGA.

ガガガ様の話はたくさんあります。

>> Stephen: WHAT?

>> スティーブン何？

YOU HAVE "LOTS" OF STORIES ABOUT LADY GAGA?

ガガガお嬢様についての話を "たくさん "お持ちですか？

THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING THAT ONE ABOUT THE SUPER-STRONG

THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING THAT ONE ABOUT THE SUPER-STRONG

RANCHER WHO'S NEVER CRIED BEFORE?

RANCHER WHO'S NEVER CRIED BEFORE?

OR YOUR MADE-UP FRIEND JIM WHO DOESN'T GO TO PARIS ANYMORE?

それとももうパリには行かない君のメードアップ友達のジム？

OR THE WIFE WHO SUDDENLY LOVES HER HUSBAND BECAUSE THEIR 401K

OR THE WIFE WHO SUDDENLY LOVES HER HUSBAND BECAUSE THEIR 401K

IS DOING WELL?

うまくいっているのか？

STOP WASTING OUR TIME.

時間を無駄にするな

SPILL THE GAGA TEA!

SPILL THE GAGA TEA!

AND I TRUST I DID THIS CORRECTLY!

そして、私はこれを正確にやったと信じている！

THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN DOUBLED DOWN WITH A TWEET:

トランプ・キャンペーンは、ツイッターで二重にダウンしました。

"NOTHING EXPOSES BIDEN'S DISDAIN FOR THE FORGOTTEN WORKING

"NOTHING EXPOSES BIDEN'S DISDAIN FOR THE FORGOTTEN WORKING

MEN AND WOMEN OF PENNSYLVANIA, LIKE CAMPAIGNING WITH

ペンシルバニア州の男性と女性は、一緒にキャンペーンをするのが好きです。

ANTI-FRACKING ACTIVIST LADY GAGA."

"アンチ・レイキング・アクティヴィスト・レディ・ギャガ"

YES, THAT'S WHAT LADY GAGA IS FAMOUS FOR.

そう、それがガガガさんの有名なところです。

WHO CAN FORGET HER BIG HIT: ♪ I'M OFF THE DEEP END

WHO CAN FORGET HER BIG HIT: ♪ I'M OFF THE DEEP END

WATCH AS I DIVE IN I'LL NEVER FRAAAACK THE GROUND ♪

潜るのを見てください 絶対に地面に落ちません

LAUGH.

笑う。

>> Stephen: THAT SONG GETS ME.

>> スティーブンその歌は私を捕まえる

THAT SONG GETS ME EVERY TIME.

この歌はいつも僕を楽しませてくれる。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> COMING UP, MORE MONOLOGUE.

"続きをお届けします