- GOOD EVENING, ST. PAUL.

IT'S YOUR CITY NEWS AT 5:00. I'M JAMIE THRONEBURG.

- AND I'M MARCY WHITCHURCH.

WINTER WEATHER ADVISORIES ARE IN EFFECT

ACROSS CENTRAL MINNESOTA TONIGHT.

WITH MORE ON THAT, WEATHERMAN ISAAC LABUDA.

ISAAC.

- THANKS, MARCY.

A MAJOR SYSTEM IS ZIPPING ACROSS THE REGION.

OUTSIDE TEMP RIGHT NOW, 8 DEGREES,

BUT IT FEELS LIKE 20 BELOW.

JAMIE.

- WELL, STAY OFF THE ROADS IF YOU CAN, FOLKS.

LOTS OF REPORTS OF BLACK ICE.

- OOH, YOU GOT TO WATCH OUT FOR THAT DANGEROUS BLACK ICE.

IT'S TRANSPARENT AND SNEAKY. HARD TO SEE BLACK ICE.

- THAT'S RIGHT, MARCY.

KEEP YOUR LOVED ONES SAFE AND WARN THEM

TO STAY OFF THE STREET TONIGHT

BECAUSE OF MENACING, LIFE-ROBBING BLACK, BLACK ICE.

- ISAAC.

- WE HAVE CHANNEL 17'S FIELD REPORTER,

DARREN HEPNER, WITH MORE.

DARREN?

- YEAH...

I'M STANDING OUT HERE AT HISTORIC RAMSEY HILL,

WHERE THERE ARE CURRENTLY NO CARS ON THE STREET

DUE TO, UH...

HAZARDOUS DRIVING CONDITIONS.

- DARREN, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BLACK ICE?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- OOH, JEEZ, IT'S FRIGHTENING

JUST TO EVEN SAY "BLACK ICE."

- IT'S SCARY, TRICKY, RUTHLESS STUFF, THAT BLACK ICE.

A PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD CAN BE SUDDENLY TERRORIZED

BY THE APPEARANCE OF BLACK ICE.

- WELL, ONE MUST KEEP IN MIND THAT,

JUST BECAUSE BLACK ICE LOOKS DIFFERENT THAN WHITE ICE,

IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY MORE DANGEROUS.

ALSO, ONE MUST REMEMBER

HOW HARD IT IS FOR BLACK ICE TO SURVIVE,

WHAT WITH THE AUTHORITIES TRYING TO DESTROY IT

WITH THE SNOW PLOWS AND SALT TRUCKS,

BUT BLACK ICE PERSEVERES.

- UH-HUH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND AS YOU CAN SEE RIGHT NOW,

THE CITY IS BEING CONTROLLED

BY LOTS OF OPPRESSIVE WHITE SNOW,

MAKING IT HARD FOR ALL PEOPLE TO ADVANCE.

AND WE DON'T HEAR MUCH "NEWS" ABOUT THAT,

NOW, DO WE?

- NO, WE DO NOT!

- WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BROTHER DARREN.

- BUT LET'S BE HONEST-- BLACK ICE IS THE REAL MENACE.

LAST NIGHT I WAS IN A PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD,

WALKING AWAY FROM AN A.T.M. MACHINE,

WHEN BLACK ICE JUST SNUCK UP ON ME

AND PRACTICALLY ROBBED ME OF MY BALANCE.

- OUCH. THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE SOMETHING BLACK ICE WOULD DO.

- WELL, I JUST HOPE THAT FOLKS WATCH OUT SO THE WHITE SNOW

DOESN'T BLIND THEM AND KEEP THEM FROM SEEING

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

- ALL I'M SAYING IS I CAN'T THINK

OF A SINGLE CHRISTMAS SONG ABOUT BLACK ICE.

LOTS OF CHEERFUL, UPLIFTING SONGS ABOUT SNOW, SO...

- [laughs] WELL...

FOR THE RECORD, BLACK ICE NEVER ASKED TO BE OUT HERE.

- NO, IT DID NOT!

- IT'S A PRODUCT OF THE ENVIRONMENT.

- OOH, HALLELUJAH!

- IN FACT, BLACK ICE DIDN'T LAND ON THE ROAD.

THE ROAD LANDED ON BLACK ICE!

- WHOO! AMEN!

- OKAY.

NEXT UP, WHY IS AMERICA BEING RUINED BY BLACK PEOPLE?

[tense music]