You're in your house, which you're still renting?

ある日、家の中にいたんですよね、借家だっけ？

Is that where you are?

今も住んでる家でしょ？

- Yes, we're renting a house. - Okay.

ーそうそう、借家なんだけど。　－だよね。

So ... you're in your house.

それで…家にいたんだけど

And what time of day is this that this happens?

ちなみに何時頃の話？

Oh this was crazy, it was like... 10 o'clock?

あのね、ホントすごい話なんだけど、時間は…10 時くらいかな？

At night?

夜の？

And the house was kind of quiet.

家の中も静かな感じで。

At night, the lights were all on in the house.

夜は家中の明かりをつけてたんだけど。

And-

でも、

Then?

でも？

And we don't do this anymore because of this.

今回の件以降、もう全部はつけてないわけ。

But I watched... I turned my head, I kind of just swiveled my head over this way.

でもまあ、ちょっと振り向いた時、こっち向きに頭をこんな感じに回したんだけど

And through the glass door, I was on the porch.

ガラスのドア越しに…あ、その時はポーチにいたんだけど

And then through the glass door I just saw the dog food.

それでガラスドア越しに、犬のエサが置いてあるのが目に入ったんだけど

The dog bowl right here.

ボウルに入ってて。

And the biggest, grossest, gnarliest rat I'd ever seen in my life eating the dog food.

そしたら、そこに今まで見た中で一番大きくて、気持ち悪くて、ヤバいネズミが犬のエサを食べてんの。

But it was funny because it was eating the dog food like ... like, so casually.

でも、なんかすごいカジュアルに…こんな感じに食べてるのがおかしくて。

And there were so many lights on.

明かりも全開でついているわけでしょ。

Rats don't usually just kick it and hang out and eat dog food.

ネズミって、普通そんな感じに気楽に人目につくところで犬のエサなんて食べないじゃん。

And he saw me.

そしたら、こっちを見たわけ。

And he turned right to me.

バッチリこっちに振り向いて。

And just like, it was so funny.

それがなんか、ホントにおかしくて。

It was literally like something out of "Ratatouille."

まさに『Ratatouille（邦題：レミーのおいしいレストラン）』のワンシーンみたいでさ。

Like out of a movie.

映画そのままって感じ。

He turned and he was just like... and like split.

こっち向いて速攻でこう…逃げていって。

And like booked down the hallway and like... like hit the side of our kitchen island and then ran and disappeared into the stove somewhere.

それから廊下を突っ走って、システムキッチンの端にぶつかってそのまま走ってオーブンの中のどっかに消えていった、みたいな。

And it was gross.

めっちゃ気持ち悪かったの。

His tail was like that fat.

尻尾だけでもこれくらいの太さがあって。

Gnarly.

ヤバいでしょ。

As tall as I was.

背は俺くらい高くて。

Now you're exaggerating.

さすがにそれは言い過ぎでしょ。

No, taller.

いやいや、俺よりも高かったかも。

You know, they're highly intelligent.

でもさ、ネズミって頭いいんだよね。

They're very, very smart, those rats.

とっても賢いんだよ、あいつら。

But you weren't scared.

でも怖くは無かったんでしょ。

I understand you're only scared of bees.

怖いのはハチだけだって聞いたけど。

I'm scared of things that can fly and also hurt you.

俺が怖いのは飛ぶものと攻撃されると痛いものなの。

Like I feel like if something has to use the ground, and like if it's little and stuff, like that's gross.

例えば、地を這っていて小さいものなんかは気持ち悪いけどさ

But like what are you going do about it?

特に自分に害はないでしょ？

Right.

まあそうだね。

So I ran after this rat. Like ...

だから、このネズミの後を追っかけて行ったの、まあ…

I don't know what I was going to do if I caught it.

仮に捕まえたところでどうするかなんて分かんないんだけど。

But, you know.

でも、とりあえずさ

You stupid rat.

「このバカネズミ野郎め」って感じになるじゃない。

You're so brave.

すごい勇気だよね。

Okay, that was a little scary.

ってか、今のはちょっと怖かったわ！

Come on.

マジで。

Whoo!

はー！

You held it together.

取り乱さなかったじゃん。

It didn't look like you were scared at all.

全然怖くなさそうだったよ。

It was delayed.

時間差で来たよ。

It was delayed.

時間差で。

You see I was not scared at all.

最初は全然怖くなかったんだけど。

You weren't scared.

怖がってなかったもんね。

And I got scared like ... way after the fact.

それで…ちょっと経ってから怖くなってきた。

I like it.

サイコー。

- It's over now. - Alright.

ーもう終わったから大丈夫。　－さて

It's over.

もう大丈夫。

That's the kind of calm you need for someone who's going to perform at the Super Bowl.

スーパーボウルでパフォーマンスをする人ってのは、これくらい落ち着いていなきゃダメだってことだよね。

It's a calm that one would need "if" they were to be performing...

「もし」そんなことがあるとすれば、の話だけどね…

"If" they were.

「仮に」の話ね。

Alright.

さてと

At the Super Bowl.

スーパーボウルでね。

We're going to go to break.

CM 休憩に入りますが

And as we go to break, we'll enjoy this together again.

その前にもう 1 回、皆で今のシーンを見てみましょう。

Oh no, not in slo-mo.

マジかよ、スロー再生はやめて。