-I think we should take a break.

-You're breaking up with me?

-It's not you.

-Of course, it's me.

-It's me.

I don't like you anymore.

-You said that I was your soul mate.

-I did?

When?

-When we were at that bed and breakfast, having sex.

-You know that doesn't--

---that doesn't, what?

---count.

-I'm done with the relationship thing.

I'm emotionally unavailable.

-I'm emotionally damaged.

-You don't say?

-No emotions, just sex.

-I guess, we should just start.

-Bedroom.

-What's wrong with the couch?

-The bedroom has better light.

And since we're just friends, I don't have to be insecure

about my body.

-Come on, you're beautiful.

You have nothing to be--

-Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

That sounds emotionally supportive.

Lock that down.

-Your ass is a little bony.

-Much better.

-I can work with that.

-OK.

We should be fine.

Hm.

-Whoa.

-Mom!

-I don't know what you're doing.

I can't see you putting on your black underpants.

Jamie, baby, I missed you, oh, baby, ah.

Did your boobs get bigger?

-It's just sex.

-That never works.

-No, you don't get it, bro.

Jamie's different.

-She's no different.

-What do you know about women?

You're gay.

-But the offers still keep rolling in, naturally.

Look at me.

-Come with me to LA.

You'll be a great distraction for my family.

They'll love you.

All fast-talking and brusque, like I'm bringing home a

carny.

-Are those braids?

-Yeah.

He was going through a Kriss Kross phase.

-I can't believe you still like them.

-I didn't like these guys.

I don't even remember-- (RAPPING) Don't try to compare

us to another bad little fad.

I'm the mac.

And I'm bad.

I'll give you something that you never had.

-How close can we get to the sign?

-This is it.

-All right, come on.

-No, no, no.

Wait, they take this seriously.

-Pussy.

Aren't we getting too old for this?

-Sex?

-Casual sex.

I feel, so, so college-y.

-Oh, I could sing some Third Eye Blind.

-OK.

-(SINGING) Closing time.

One last call for alcohol--

-That's not Third Eye Blind.

-I'm pretty sure that's Third Eye Blind.

-No.

-You have a boat?

-I live in Jersey.

And I ain't taking no ferry--

unless it's out to dinner and a show.

Bam!

-You got to stop buying into this Hollywood

cliche of true love.

Shut up, Katherine Heigl.

You stupid liar!

-I got to mess it up.

-It seems you're really into this guy.

Do you want some motherly love advice?

-Mom, what are you doing?

-I'm the princess and Aubrey's my bad little pony.

-You've never done this before?

-This is the LAPD.

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

-I told you--

-Get down, now.

-Get down.

---I have a fear of heights.

-Why would you come up here?

-You called me a pussy!

-Sir, this is your last warning.

-[CHUCKLES]

They actually wrapped you in a foil blanket.

Oh, my god.

That's good.

Oh, I got to see that again.