(melodic music)

(birds chirping)

(yawning)

(bird chirping)

- Oh, birds.

♫ At sunset, I wandered through the village

♫ Glowing in the twilight and so quiet

♫ Well it's quiet 'cause most people

♫ Died of a plague

♫ Caused by jealous witches

♫ I wandered through the village and I think

♫ That my life is missing something dear

♫ As I stop to rest

♫ And cough up blood I wonder

(coughs)

♫ When will I find my prince

(sighs)

♫ I wandered through the village and I noticed

♫ That everyone but me has found a love

♫ There goes the blacksmith with his daughter wife

♫ 10 years old and pregnant with her brother's son

(man laughing)

♫ I wandered through the village sighing deeply

♫ Seeking guidance from the statue in the square

♫ It's a statue of Christ

♫ Adorned with thief hands

♫ Oh when will I find my prince

Oh look, everyone.

It's my friends from the forest, the Jews.

Hello, Jews.

You know, I never did ask you.

Why do you live in the forest?

(high-pitched chattering)

Oh I see, to hide from people trying to kill you.

Well that's very resourceful my picky little friends.

Tell me, have you ever had a dream

that you thought wouldn't come true?

(high-pitched chattering)

Oh I see.

You dream is that they won't want to kill you.

Well that's definitely a dream that won't come true.

Oh well goodbye, goodbye.

Jews.

(dramatic music)

♫ Oh if I found my prince

♫ We'd have a wedding elegant and rare

♫ We'd dine on kidney cream and horse vagina

♫ Drink champagne and torture a bear

♫ Oh if I found my prince

♫ The castle would be filled with love and laughter

♫ And he'd fill me with his seed

♫ Forcibly and rough

♫ I'd give birth to a son

♫ And then die right after

♫ I wandered through the village seeking answers

♫ But love hasn't given me a glimpse

♫ It isn't in this shop or in this cart of baby corpses

♫ Oh when will I find my prince

When, Hand Jesus?

♫ Oh when will I find my prince

(metallic chiming)

Oh it's my prince.

- Hello.

(girl coughs)

- Oh (beep).

(melodic music)

(guitar riff)

- Hey there, thank you for supporting Cracked.

If you'd like to subscribe, you can do that at any time.

I know that you're a big fan of Soren-erotica

which I've done before and unfortunately I'm out,

but I thought maybe I could just come up

with some on the fly.

Parker took off his pants

and the girl that was with him was like,

yeah, that's a dick,

and he was like, I know.

And then they were gonna have sex

and he was like, but I'm also, I'm a horse,

no he's not a horse.

That's bad.

He's a, he's a human.

He's, but he's like a human that can like

he has like wolf-like powers,

like the kid from Abandon, Abducted.