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  • Mark Gungor The Tale of Two Brains 1/2

  • Hello and welcome to "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".

  • I am so glad you are here.

  • This is the marriage seminar for people who hate marriage seminars!

  • I've got a kick out of watching the couples when they first come in on Friday night.

  • The girls are all lit up and just...

  • "I got him here! I got him here! I got him here!"

  • And the guys are going: "Oh, man, I can't believe" you know "I got here!"

  • But it's cool, guys. You can relax. You're gonna love it.

  • This is not one of those "Let's beat up on the men for not being women" seminars.

  • Yes! That's what I'm talking about!

  • What is it with that anyway?

  • Man, you know, you ask a lot of women to describe their ideal man and they'll describe another woman.

  • What's up with that?

  • So, we're not gonna do that. We're going to just going with this thing in a normal healthy way.

  • We are men. Men are men. We are not sick, we're not perverted, we're not twisted.

  • Well, you know, we're not broken. We are men!

  • Alright? And God... Yeah... !

  • And God made us the way we are for a reason.

  • And I'm gonna show you, girls, what that reason is.

  • OK? And I'm gonna try to explain to you the world of men a little bit through this thing.

  • We will also discuss the women's side of things as well.

  • But I really want you to understand this men thing. Women are much more complicated than men.

  • Men are very simple. Simple. S-E-X simple. Alright? So...

  • That's what I'm talking about! OK?

  • So, we're gonna have... We should have a really really great time.

  • Now, tonight we're gonna do a session called "The Tale of Two Brains".

  • Hence, the two brains.

  • And we're going to be discussing how men and women think very differently from each other.

  • Why is that important? Because men and women are very quick to make into heart problems

  • what are essentially head problems.

  • A woman acts a certain way, a guy feels she doesn't care about him.

  • He says: "There's something wrong with your heart. You don't care about me." No, no.

  • It's the way she processes information.

  • And the same with the guy. A man thinks in a certain way.

  • And the woman thinks there's something wrong with his heart. No, it's his head. OK?

  • So, I'm gonna try and explain to you what that's all about.

  • Then tomorrow morning we're gonna do a session called: "Why does he do that?"

  • "Why does she do that?"

  • OK? So, you see, one thing is to understand men and women in general.

  • It's another one to understand the one you got stuck with, OK?

  • So I'm gonna show you how you can discover specifically what makes your spouse tick.

  • And it's powerful information that will absolutely revolutionize your relationship.

  • Alright? Then we're gonna do what I call: "The Yo Mama session".

  • And it's called: "The No.1 Key to Incredible Sex"

  • And boys, if you'll miss that, there's just something wrong with you! OK?

  • So, you gotta check it out. And then we're gonna end with:

  • "How to stay married and not kill anybody." OK?

  • All very deep emotional stuff.

  • Now lot of people say: "Well, what's your background, what's your deal"?

  • Well, my background is that I'm a minister. Now, if you're not much of a church-goer, don't let that make you nervous.

  • Some of my biggest fans are heathens. Alright?

  • And this isn't one of those things where we sneak you and then beat you over the head with the Bible. Alright?

  • But I do have a Bible verse I need to show you, OK?

  • Because I found a Bible verse that if you follow the advice from this one Bible verse,

  • you will never ever ever have a problem in marriage.

  • How many of you think that's worth seeing?

  • You follow the advice of this one verse, you'll never have a problem in marriage.

  • "It is good for a man not to marry."

  • It says: "It's good for a man not to marry."

  • Alright? "Why would he say that? That's such a terrible thing to say."

  • Because, he goes on to explain: "He who marries will have trouble in this life."

  • You know, people come up to me: "Pastor Mark! Pastor Mark! Something's wrong! Something's wrong!"

  • I say: "What is it?" "We've got trouble in our marriage."

  • I go: "No, that's about right."

  • There ain't nothing wrong! That's pretty normal.

  • Now, you don't hear these verses read at weddings very often.

  • We kinda downplay that.

  • You don't see those on hallmark cards.

  • You don't see 'em on cakes with pretty calligraphy:

  • "He who marries will have trouble... "

  • "...but it's too late for you!"

  • You see, if that's the case, you know, why you can't marry, because marriage is absolutely wonderful.

  • It's great! It's fantastic!

  • But it's not that's without trouble.

  • And I want to show one other verse to you. Now, you do not have the deep theological training that I have

  • so you might have a hard time understanding this verse

  • but I'll try to explain it to you. This one's found in Proverbs

  • and it goes like this: "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean."

  • Let me explain that to you, OK?

  • What does that mean? Well, it means if you're gonna have an ox,

  • you're going to have ox poo, alright?

  • Now, if you don't like poo, and most of us are not real big fans of poo,

  • if you don't like poo, the temptation is - get rid of ox!

  • "You're preaching, brother!"

  • I don't want to get rid of the ox, alright?

  • So why would you keep the ox around? Because, it goes, the second half of the verse, it says:

  • "But much increase comes by the strength of the ox."

  • Well, now, there's the Catch 22: on the one hand we all love the benefit of the ox,

  • but nobody likes the poo.

  • And what it's trying to tell us here is you cannot have one without the other.

  • There is no such thing as a poo-free marriage.

  • It just doesn't exist!

  • Unless you shoot the ox!

  • But that leads to other problems.

  • So this weekend is not about attaining a state of perfection in your life, alright?

  • It's about getting a proper positive to poo ratio in your life.

  • You see, because if all you get is poo, then you've got one sick ox.

  • Are you hearin' me? Alright?

  • So, there's no such thing as a poo-free marriage.

  • For those of you who are having hard times grasping this, I have a mathematical version of it.

  • It goes: Ox = poo / positive

  • Some would say positive / poo, but anyway, it's the ratio that we wanna get going here, OK?

  • Now, marriage is a wonderful institution.

  • Statistically speaking, we know that married people are healthier than single people,

  • they are actually happier than single people, assuming you are doing this right.

  • You can be profoundly unhappy.

  • They actually make more money than single people and I'll mention a little bit later why that's true, OK?

  • They have better sex than single people. Now, you don't see that in our culture.

  • You know, in all the movies and shows, you know, it's the single people all having a really great sex. And the married people...

  • You know, someone says: "How's your sex life?" "Are you kidding? I'm married. "

  • And it's not true. It's a bunch of baloney, OK!?

  • Married people have great sex compared to single... Single people don't even know what they're doing, for crying out loud!

  • And statistically speaking, married people live longer than single people.

  • It's particularly true for men.

  • Statistically speaking, one of the most dangerous things

  • a man can do in America today is to remain single.

  • It is the equivalent of smoking two and half packets of cigarettes a day.

  • It's true. They've found out that if you take someone who has two and half packets a day,

  • and health problems, and the shortness of life and all these difficulties,

  • and a single guy, it's pretty much the same.

  • I guess the worst would be a single guy who smokes two and half packets of cigarettes a day.

  • Alright? Marriage is wonderful, it's great, it rocks! I love it! OK?

  • If you do it right. Now, the problem here is, so many people don't do it right.

  • And it's not that they don't wanna do it, it's that they don't know what to do.

  • We live in a culture today that seems, somehow in a relationship area to be completely clueless.

  • We seriously do not know what to do. This weekend, what I want to do is show you specific things you can do

  • that will absolutely energize and transform your married life.

  • How many of you think that's worth hearing?

  • So...

  • Now I want to talk to you about what I call "the laws of relational physics".

  • You see, the laws of physics affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.

  • If I step off the stage, I'm probably in all likelihood going to go down.

  • If I start floating around you might gonna freak out and run.

  • Why? 'Cause the laws of physics... "Well, I don't believe that!"

  • ...no matter what I believe! I'm going down! Right?

  • It doesn't matter if I'm a born-again Christian, it doesn't matter if I'm a heathen, I'm goin... 'cause it affects everybody!

  • Well, just like that there are the laws of relational physics.

  • And they affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.

  • And this might come as a little bit of a shock to those of you who are church people,

  • especially hearing that from a minister.

  • But the truth is you don't have to be a Christian to have a great marriage.

  • I know a lot of heathens who have wonderful marriages.

  • I know a lot of born-again Christians who have horrible marriages.

  • Why is that? They're breaking all the rules.

  • And they assume that somehow the rules don't apply to them. But they do.

  • Here's an example: if you're driving a car at 80 mph around a curve that says only 40,

  • and you keep going 80, chances are you're gonna get hurt

  • even if you're listening to a Christian radio station.

  • Even if you have a statue of Jesus on the... He might be going: "Aaaaaaa!"

  • But...

  • Why is that? Because the laws of physics still affect you. But for some miracle you're going to get hurt.

  • Same true with relational physics. And I wanna explain that to you, I will take a look at that.

  • Now, this weekend I'm gonna be speaking to you in basic stereotypes.

  • In other words: "Women generally tend to be a certain way..." "Men generally tend to be a certain way..."

  • But they're not all that way, I get it!

  • Some of the people just have a cow: "That's not true for all....!"

  • I'm admitting, it's not! Alright?

  • Just generally speaking. We don't have time to get into all the shades of grey.

  • But generally speaking, men are certain way, women are certain way.

  • If I start describing something that's not you, don't have a cow, just interpolate for your relationships.

  • In Debbie's and I relationship there are areas where we are completely opposite of a typical man and woman.

  • I remember when I was first studying this stuff, I thougt: "Oh, man! I'm a woman!"

  • So just interpolate. I will say this: that if you tend to be one way in a certain relationship

  • your wife generally will be the other way. I don't think I've run across the couple yet, and I'm sure there are out there,

  • that act the exact same way.

  • So if you break the rules, chances are your spouse's breaking them right with you. And you'll just flip on the steel.

  • OK? For example, a typical stereotype: "Men are more interested in sex than their wives."

  • Why would you say that? Because, generally, it's true.

  • But it's not always true. There are lot of relationships where there wife is much more interested in sex than her husband.

  • And if you're here tonight, and your wife is much more interested in sex than you are

  • I think I speak for all the men here when I say that we hate you!

  • Please don't tell us who you are.

  • We will hurt you, alright? So...

  • So just go with the flow, it'll be cool. We'll have a great time discussing this thing about marriage.

  • I believe marriage is a life-giving institution.

  • We live in a culture today that believes marriage is a life-sucking institution.

  • "It will suck the life out of you!"

  • And that's why we say: "Make sure you're old enough, make sure you have enough money,"

  • "Make sure you have enough education, make sure you've been dating for 37 years first... "

  • "Make sure, you know, get all the stuff. Why?! You've gotta get everything together and ready, so when you say 'I do' you can withstand it."

  • But it's not that way. It'll give you life, if you'll do it right.

  • If you do this right, marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth.

  • If you do it wrong...

  • Well, you fill in the blanks, OK? So now,

  • we're gonna start discussing men's brains - women's brains.

  • and how they're very different from each other.

  • Now, I wanna start with men's brains.

  • Alright? Now, men's brains are very unique. Men's brains are made up of little boxes.

  • And we have a box for everything.

  • We've got a box for the car, we've got a box for the money, we've got a box for the job, we've got a box for you,

  • we've got a box for the kids, we've got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.

  • We've got boxes everywhere!

  • And the rule is: The boxes don't touch.

  • When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box,

  • we pull that box out, we open the box,

  • we discuss only what is in that box!

  • Alright?

  • And then we close the box and put it away

  • being very very careful not to touch any other boxes.

  • Sorry, my Catholic upbringing I didn't ever meant it, but...

  • I'm not a Catholic, but I went to Catholic school when I was little.

  • I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there. I mean, I'll never forget it.

  • It did me good, actually. It was a good thing.

  • Now, women's brains are very very different from men's brains.

  • Women's brains are made up of a big ball of wire.

  • And everything is connected to everything.

  • Money is connect the car, car is connected to your job,

  • and your kids are connected to your mother... ...and everything is connected to everything.

  • It's like the Internet superhighway.

  • And it's all driven by energy that we call emotion.

  • It's one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything.

  • Because, if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory

  • and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men, it just doesn't happen very often,

  • because, quite frankly, we don't care.

  • Women tend to care about everything!

  • And she just loves it.

  • Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of.

  • This particular box has nothing in it.

  • It is true.

  • In fact, we call it "the nothing box".

  • And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,

  • the nothing box is our favourite box.

  • If a man has a chance he'll go to his nothing box every time.

  • That's why a man can do something seemingly completely braindead for hours on in.

  • You know, like fishing.

  • And we love it. That's why a guy can sit in front of the TV and go...

  • "You're close!"

  • Of course, that drives our wives nuts because they'd come and say: "Stop that!"

  • "How can't possibly be watching anything?"

  • "I'm not."

  • "Go away!"

  • Now, they've actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study

  • and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.

  • You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that and watched their brain activity and all of a sudden....

  • "I think he's dead!" "Ha?"

  • Women can't do it. They can't do it. Their mind never stops.

  • And they don't understand the nothing box! And it drives 'em crazy!

  • Because nothing drives a woman more crazy or makes you feel more irritated

  • than to witness a man doing nothing!

  • Now one of the biggest revelations I get out of women, is that whole nothing box issue. They are just...

  • Everything's starting to make sense.

  • And I've had women say: "Oh, it's nothing? Can I go in his nothing box with him?"

  • No!

  • "Why not?"

  • Because then it's something!

  • Besides, you'll walk in there and go...

  • "You know, this place could really use some pictures..."

  • "A nice little table over here, some flowers..." "No!"

  • "Nothing! Get out! We do want nothing."

  • Now this handles the way men and women handle stress.

  • When a man is stressed out all he wants to do is run to his nothing box.

  • This is how we unwind. The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is talk about it.

  • We don't wanna talk about it, we just wanna...

  • 'Cause it just drives her nuts, you know.

  • A woman will see a man in that "vegetative" state, she'll come up and go:

  • "What are you thinking about?"

  • "Nothing."

  • "You've gotta be thinking about something!"

  • "No, I think about nothing."

  • "...till you showed up."

  • "Go away!"

  • 'Cause that's how he handles stress, he just...

  • Now, when a woman is stressed out, she has to talk about it.

  • If she doesn't talk about it, her brain will literally explode.

  • So she has to start just: "I don't know, maybe..."

  • "then, you know, I never thought about this. My brother would say..."

  • I know men who run from their wives when they do this.

  • I say: "Why do you run from her?"

  • He says: "Because I don't know what to tell her!"

  • I say: "Dear God, man, who told you to tell her anything?"

  • She doesn't want you to tell her anything. You see, a lot of guys they feel obligated when you start explaining all your stress,

  • they feel obligated to fix you.

  • 'Cause that's what a man does. A man only tells his troubles to another man in hopes that that man will help fix it, OK?

  • But she's not a man. And you try and fix her, she'll gonna kill you.

  • She doesn't want your advice, she doesn't want your help, she wants you to shut up and listen!

  • And a couple of ladies: "That's right! You tell him! Tell him to shut up!"

  • They like that!

  • Now, I had one guy who told me: "Man, if she just tell me how she feels!"

  • I said: "She doesn't know yet!"

  • He goes: "What do you mean?" "That's how she figures out how she feels"

  • "by connecting this wire to that wire and so on..."

  • Now, because they love each other, they offer to each other their answer. Their solution.

  • A man senses his wife is stressed out, he loves the girl,

  • he offers to the girl his best and finest solution.

  • "Well, just quit talking about it."

  • "Just quit thinking about it."

  • And that's when she starts reaching for the knives and stuff and she's gonna stab you if you keep it up, OK?

  • Now, a woman, she senses her husband is all stressed out.

  • She loves him, therefore she offers to him her best and finest solution.

  • "Talk to me!"

  • "Why don't you talk to me?"

  • 17 seconds :)

  • "Go away!"

  • He doesn't wanna talk to you! Leave him alone!

  • I will not die! He's not a woman!

  • I know you've got to talk it through, you've gotta be twisted inside! He's not like that!

  • Leave the boy alone, you tell he's stressed out? Just let him go to his nothing box.

  • Just stay away. Stay away.

  • And it's hard for us to understand it because we think so differently from each other.

  • Now, not only does this affect the way that we're responding to stress and stuff,

  • the way our brains are wired, it also affects the way we use words, OK?

  • Men tend to use less words than women.

  • That's because the women have all the wires that are trying to connect

  • and they've gotta explain each and every connection!

  • They say that if a man needs to speak 10,000 words in a day

  • a woman needs to speak 20,000.

  • My wife says: "That's cause we've gotta repeat everything we say!"

  • To which I responded: "Ha?"

  • Where is my darling redhead? Is she around?

  • Come up, I want you to meet my wife, Debbie, come on up here...

  • People say to me: "Doesn't she talk, too?"

  • Nope!

  • Not to you anyway, she talks to me.

  • But she won't talk to you, because she doesn't wanna talk to you.

  • Where's my tablet? I wanna show you something about the whole words' thing.

  • You know, they've actually measured this. They went in and studied children and babies.

  • And they've found out... They've actually took cameras and put them in nurseries and analyzed the pictures later.

  • And they've noticed the pictures of the little girls right from the get-go their mouths were just going.

  • It's true! And then they analyzed the pictures of little boys.

  • And they were just...

  • And still thinking: "What was that?"

  • "I wanna go back, I don't get it."

  • Then they went and recorded conversations of little boys and girls on playgrounds and then went back and analyzed them.

  • And they discovered that little girls loved to talk.

  • They were very articulate, loved to use full sentences, just loved to talk.

  • And if they didn't have anybody to talk to, they were perfectly content to talk to nobody.

  • And they were just: "Lalalalalaa". Just complete sentences.

  • Then they analyzed the conversations of the little boys.

  • And only about 55% of it was intelligible.

  • They couldn't tell what they were sayin'! You know, just...

  • That's conversation to a man, OK?

  • Not only do we use different amounts of words, words can mean different things to men and women.

  • For example...

  • 5 minutes

  • Now, to most men, five minutes means five minutes.

  • To a lot of women it can be an indefinite period of time.

  • "Are you ready yet?" "Five more minutes!"

  • As we discussed, men understand "nothing".

  • Women don't understand the significance of "nothing".

  • If a woman says: "Nothing", look out, it's something!

  • "Oh, dude, man, I don't know what happened." "Why, why? What happened?"

  • "I don't know, I asked my wife what she was upset about..." "What did she say?"

  • "Well, she said nothing." "Get out of the house, man! Run now! Get out!"

  • Now, this is not a word, it's vocalization. It's a sigh.

  • Now, when a man sighs, it means: Everything is good with life.

  • When a woman sighs it means: "You are an idiot."

  • "Go ahead."

  • When a man says: "Go ahead", he's being polite.

  • When a woman says: "Go ahead", she's giving you the opportunity to explain whatever stupid thing it was you just did.

  • But you need to be very careful in the explanation

  • because it is very likely to be followed by a sigh,

  • which will lead to an argument over nothing,

  • and then you ain't gonna have sex again for at least five minutes.

  • Women's brains come with lots of extra RAM.

  • So they can remember the details of everything.

  • Men's brains come with only the minimum basic requirements,

  • to keep us breathing and eating.

  • That's why a lot of men... We don't hang on to lots of details, they don't stick with us.

  • When an event happens, we just categorize it as "an event".

  • Alright? Whereas women, it's not just the event, it's all the details connected with an event.

  • And you run into this

  • when a friend of your family or something will call and you know, she just had a baby.

  • And then you tell your wife: "Oh, so and so has called, they had a baby."

  • And she'll say: "What was it?" And he says: "Well, it was a baby."

  • "What kind of baby?" "I do not know! It's a baby!"

  • "What difference does it make?"

  • "Oh, how long was it? "I do not know!"

  • "How long, how tall, how much did it weigh? "I do not know! Under 20 pounds!"

  • But it's detail, detail, detail...

  • A woman would come to a guy and say: "How was your day?"

  • And then we go to the RAM and all it's there is that it was a day.

  • And we say: "It was fine."

  • And she'll say: "Well, what happened?"

  • And we go to the RAM and there's nothing there.

  • And we panic and we go: "Nothing!"

  • Women, they've got all this... you know...

  • That's why when a guy retells a story it's usually pretty much a some bottom line kind of thing. What happened?

  • "This happened, that happened, we're done."

  • When a lot of women share what happened, they relive the event,

  • in excruciatingly painful details. I mean - you are there.

  • And, you know, couples can really fight over this.

  • My wife and I we still fight over this one, you know, this is, this just drives us crazy.

  • Sweetheart, when your husband asked the question: "What did the plumber say?",

  • he really doesn't wanna know, what he said.

  • Well I said: "How're you doin'?" He said he's fine.

  • I said: "Pretty nice day we're havin'" He said: "Yes".

  • "You've got any kids?" No! What did he say? Bottom line.

  • Details...

  • Men's brains - women's brains. It also affects, not only the words we use and stuff, but also it affects how we listen.

  • You know, yeah...

  • Women listen. But, we listen too, we're just different.

  • A lot of women say, you know, men's problem is they've got selective listening. You know what that is, right?

  • That's when the wife will say something like: "Honey, go to the store,"

  • "lay down the mulch, wash and wax the car, get the kids at school,"

  • "rent some videos and finish the rest of the dishes."

  • And then he runs that through his selective filter...

  • And all he hears is: "Honey, go, lay down and get some rest," OK?

  • But that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm really talking about is

  • the difference between single-tasking and multi-tasking.

  • By and large... Again, interpolate for your relationships.

  • Again, not everybody is the same way, but, by and large, men are single-taskers.

  • We do one thing and we do it pretty well.

  • Women can handle lots of things. Guys aren't wired that way.

  • That's why it's not a good idea to put a man in charge of more than one kid at a time.

  • You know, we can handle the one.

  • "Sweetheart, you're doing such a good job with Johnny, wow! But where are the rest of the kids?"

  • "We've got other kids?"

  • But men we're just...

  • I am a classic single-tasker. I'm so bad, I'll be going long and I'll forget the one thing I was doing.

  • I'm completely lost. I need to reboot my brain.

  • "Wow, where am I?"

  • But men, generally speaking... we do it. Now, what we do, we do very well.

  • One of the reasons that men are so good in what they do,

  • is because of this ability to completely focus on just one task.

  • Men usually will rise to the top of any profession, even those dominated sometimes by women.

  • The best hair-designers in the world a lot of times are men, best cooks in the world - men.

  • Why is that? Because we have this unique ability to focus on just one thing

  • and do it extremely well, OK?

  • Women are wired differently. You know, they just...

  • My wife can be, you know, in the living room, watching TV,

  • reading a book, making knick-knacks and talking on the phone all at the same time.

  • It's just amazing to me. Of course, I come in and I'll assume she's not watching TV.

  • "Hey!"

  • "What?" "I was watching that!"

  • "How can you be watching that? You're making knick-knacks and such..." "Put it back!"

  • Now this affects the way we listen.

  • Because, when a man is doing something, he generally cannot hear anything.

  • It's just true. Women are not...

  • Women can be doing lots of things and holding three different conversations.

  • You know, she'll walk into a room and she'll see her husband reading the newspaper.

  • And she assumes: "I multi-task, therefore, he must multi-task."

  • But he's running the newspaper-reading program. And he can only run one program at a time.

  • He's not hearing a jack!

  • And this makes women very angry. But you just need to come over and you gotta close the newspaper-reading program,

  • you've gotta load the Listen-to-me program.

  • But you've gotta wait a minute. He needs a reboot.

  • "I did not know you was here."

  • You laugh, but I'm serious, girls. If you see a man doing something, unless he's wired differently,

  • do not be giving him vital information.

  • 'Cause this is a trainwreck waiting to happen.

  • You'll have this conversation again. When you swear he told you

  • he swears you never told him.

  • You know you told him, but in his brain you never said jack to him.

  • The problem here is, guys, we get ourselves in trouble, because we have... Men have this natural defence mechanism

  • that at all costs do not stop doing what you're doing.

  • So, when someone starts talking to you, we automatically have this defence mechanism that goes:

  • "Mmhmm... Yep... Mmhmm"

  • And we keep doing what we're doing and we're not... And she thinks you're listening to her.

  • But you're not listening. You need to stop what you're doing, you're a big boy, stop what you're doing

  • turn to the girl and pay attention to her.

  • So it's not all on the ladies. You're big boys, when she starts talking, stop! Listen to the girl

  • and then let him go back to what he was doing.

  • Sounds fair, right?

  • When I started doing this, then I thought: "This is great, I'm doing a lot better..."

  • You know, I'm watching the single-tasking. "Yeah? OK, what, what?" And then I'll say: "I didn't hear that." I make her back-up and she'll give me the info and I got it... OK.

  • And I thought I was doing a lot better but still I was getting myself in trouble.

  • You know, she'll walk up and say: "It's 6 o'clock, are you ready?"

  • "For what?"

  • You know, that happened to the half of you, guys, tonight, right?

  • "We're doing what?"

  • "I told you!" "No, you didn't!"

  • "Yes, I did!" And after the races we would go.

  • But I thought: "Man, what, it doesn't work, I'm watching the single-tasking, I don't remember her saying anything."

  • And I thought I was losing my hearing.

  • So I went to a doctor. True story!

  • I went to the doctor and I walked in,

  • he'll say: "Hi, how are you doing? I said: "OK."

  • "What seems to be the problem?"

  • I said: "Well, I think losing my hearing."

  • And he says: "Well, you know, you're getting up there an age, you know."

  • "Ears are one of the first thing to go."

  • And I said: "If that's one of the first, I can handle that."

  • We will talk more about that tomorrow. But...

  • So he said: "Well, go on to the nurse Crachett, she'll test your ears."

  • So I followed the lady, and I walked into this room and they got this cheap box on a table

  • with some real chancy headphones.

  • And she says: "Alright, now, put on the headphones, when you hear the beep, raise your hand."

  • "If you don't hear the beep, don't raise your hand."

  • OK?

  • Apparently, I looked really stupid. So, anyway,

  • I turned around and we began.

  • Pretty soon she goes: "Really, you can hear all that?"

  • I turned around and said: "Yes, why?" She is hitting the box.

  • "I don't know, piece of junk, what's the matter with this thing?" I said: "What's the problem?"

  • "According to this, you can hear what cats and dogs can hear. I don't know."

  • She is hitting the box.

  • She says: "I'm gonna send you to a specialist."

  • You ever been to the specialist? You know, they've got this yo-mama soundproof room, you know, the thick door, you know.

  • Help mee!

  • You know, they've got the person sitting behind the glass.

  • You feel like you're in a people aquarium.

  • "Sir, just sit down!"

  • Anyway, so at the time we lived in Greenbay, Wisconsin.

  • And right downtown Greenbay there was a place called: "Eye and Ear Associates"

  • I've never heard of them before. I had no reason to hear from them.

  • But she said: "I'm gonna send you to these people, they have all this fancy equipment.

  • And so she takes a doctor's pad and she writes: "Eye, ear," and she abbreviates "Associates" and hands it to me.

  • (Eye Ear Ass.)

  • I said:

  • "What kind of doctor is this?"

  • It's true story.

  • She says: "What do you mean?"

  • I said: "I heard 'eye, ear and throat',"

  • "I never heard of this."

  • She said: "Let me see that! Oh, I'm so embarrased, I'm so embarrased!"

  • She wrote out: "Associates".

  • Otherwise it was gotta be for a very uncomfortable test there for me.

  • So I go to the "Eye, ear and you know" doctor and...

  • I get in there and I sit down and she's behind the glass and she has to push the button to talk:

  • "OK, now put on the headphones. When you hear the beep... "

  • I spin around and we began.

  • I kid you, now she goes:

  • "Really, you can hear all that?"

  • I felt like a moron, alright?

  • I take the printout to the specialist. He goes: "What are you doing here?"

  • "You've got better ears than me!"

  • I said: "I don't know, man, she says, you know: 'Are you ready? It's six o'clock...'"

  • So I go home and I walk in the door, she says: "Well, what the doctors say?"

  • She doesn't sound like that, by the way.

  • I say that, because people used to come up to me and say: "You know, she doesn't have a voice like that!"

  • I do it for effect. By the way, we've been married for 32 years.

  • We have two grandsons... Very cool.

  • Beatiful boys! One is 10 months old, the other one's eight and they are just such a delight.

  • I love grandchildren, 'cause now it's payback!

  • "Come here! You want some more sugar?"

  • "OK. Bye!"

  • My son, Philip's here with us. He's running the audio...

  • ...and on our 30th wedding-anniversary Phil gives me a call-up and he says:

  • "Hey, dad! 30 years. That's really something!"

  • I said: "Well, thank you, Sir!"

  • I said: "But you know, truthfully, Phil," I said, "It only feels like ten minutes."

  • He goes: "Really?"

  • I said: "Yeah. Ten minutes... under water."

  • All lighten up!

  • All the girls: "Oh, I can't believe he said that! What is she gonna think?"

  • It's just a joke box, alright? It's just a joke.

  • So I come back from my ear specialist and, "Well, what they say?"

  • "Well, they said, I can hear what cats and dogs can hear."

  • She says: "That's not your problem. Your problem's you just don't pay attention!"

  • I thought: "But I've been paying attention, I was watching the single-tasking thing and..."

  • So I thought I'm gonna do a test.

  • I wanna see how far she gets away before I can hear her.

  • So the next day we were sitting in the kitchen and she comes up and she's talking to me: "La la la la laa..."

  • And I go: "Mmhmm." And then she walks a little bit further away. She says: "La la la la la laa..."

  • OK, I can hear that. She goes a little further away. "La la la la la laa"

  • You know, just doing multi-tasking thing. Then she goes into the living room. "La la la la laa..." And now she goes into another room.

  • And she's now on the other side of the house still talking to me!

  • I said "Hey!" She yells back: "What?"

  • I said: "I'm on the other side of the house!" She goes: "Oh, you don't listen anyway!"

  • The next day, I caught her, this time she goes upstairs!

  • She's on another floor still giving me vital information!

  • That's when it started dawning on me: "Wait a minute!"

  • We might single-task, but these women so multi-task...

  • ...they just keep do what they're doing and whether or not you're in the same area code

  • is irrelevant! Irrelevant! That's the word.

  • I had a guy, the other day, he says: "You know, my wife's like that,"

  • "she'll just, she'd be talking to me, she's by the dryer. And she'll be telling something important. 'La la la la laa'"

  • "She'll stick her head in the dryer..."

  • "And you'd better do that..."

  • "...or you're gonna be in a big trouble!"

  • She still does that to me. She'll... ...we'll be like on a real busy highway

  • ...all kinds of noise. And she'll be talking: "You know, something that's really import..."

  • "So you'd better be careful about it!" "What? I didn't hear what you've said!"

  • Laws of physics, girls, it applies to you!

  • It would help if your husband was in the same area code, OK?!

  • Now, I first shared this story at men's conference I was speaking at.

  • And I thought that was just a funny story that happened to me. But it's, I'm sure that all these men were goin'...

  • And one guy come up to me after and he says: "You know, pastor, I'll be in the bathroom,"

  • "The door is closed,"

  • "The fan is on."

  • "There's tile everywhere, so sound just bounces around in there."

  • "I'm standing there. All I can hear is the sound of rushing water."

  • "And she's still talking to me!"

  • You know, I figured out that's why we miss sometimes, girls.

  • What?

  • What?

  • Another mystery solved!

  • Girls, don't be so multi-tasking

  • that you're doing a gazillion things giving him vital information! Alright?

  • Especially if he's doing something.

  • This simple thing that I'm talking to you creates more arguments and more frustrations in marriages

  • and we're fighting over nothing!

  • But you know you really are married to a multi-tasker,

  • when during a moment of intimate passion

  • she suddenly brokes out: "Oh, by the way, the plumber said our toilets are broken."

  • Toilets?

  • Focus, woman, focus!

  • Man, she can make love to you, plan next-week's dinner, you know,

  • think about the toilets... It's all the same there.

  • I need my tablet back up here. I wanna show you something.

  • In no other area men's brains and women's brains, do men and women think more differently

  • than in this area of sex. And we'll get into a lot more detail tomorrow.

  • But I wanna show something here that I think will be of great interest to you.

  • Give my lovely assistant a hand.

  • Now sex is a pretty big issue, particularly for men.

  • For us, our sexual interest peaks at about age 18

  • and then goes down from there, so if you're to chart it out, it would look like something like this.

  • It peaks at about age 18 and then goes down.

  • And then you're dead.

  • Now, some things are important for women to understand.

  • When it comes to this area, we're no longer driven so much by our brains or by our hearts

  • but it's by a chemical. It's called testosterone.

  • And it runs to our blood...

  • It runs to our blood and it drives us crazy!

  • If you, girls, knew how much this drove us crazy, you'd be more disgusted with us than you are right now.

  • We downplay it, man!

  • And, it's, I'm telling you, as funny as this little chart is, and it is true as it is for so many men.

  • If for some reason as a man ages his testosterone levels begin to decline,

  • his interest in sex will start to decline.

  • And if his testosterone level drops dramatically, his interest will go way down.

  • Same head, same heart, same guy, and now he's not interested in sex.

  • You treat that man and it's very easy to do, with testosterone supplements,

  • and "boom", he's the same wild man you married.

  • Same head, same heart, same guy, now he's...

  • "Come here, baby!"

  • Alright?

  • So, this is not because we're sickos, this is not because we're perverts, it's not 'cause we're broken.

  • God wired us this way. And he did it on purpose.

  • You know: "What was that purpose?"

  • I'm gonna show you in a minute, but you need to really understand this.

  • And the truth is, when we get this rush of testosterone, it just messes with us.

  • Now, for the love of God, don't raise your hands, but...

  • ...most men will admit that we usually receive a testosterone rush

  • usually very early in the morning.

  • And for no reason at all.

  • And it just wakes us up, it just...

  • And we're not thinking about anything!

  • Alright?

  • And that's usually when a man reaches over and whispers those

  • three words every woman loves to hear:

  • "Hey, you're awake?"

  • We'll be taling more about that tomorrow, OK?

  • So, why does God wire men this way, OK?

  • Now, to explain this, I need to do an anatomy lesson.

  • You're all OK?

  • "Hang on, Marvin, he's gonna draw picures!"

  • It'll be OK. We'll keep it clean, OK?

  • Now, we'll call this the girl's heart.

  • And in the interest of keeping everything at least PG13, we will refer to this as "the place of happiness".

  • I had a lady come up to me recently and she goes:

  • "Man, I can't even go to Wallmart anymore, smiley faces all over the place!"

  • Now, at some fundamental level, this is every man's basic interest in a woman.

  • It's true.

  • Now, women say: "That's terrible! Pastor, it shouldn't be about that."

  • "It should be about companionship and fellowship and sharing."

  • Girls, if your husband was interested in companionship, fellowship and sharing,

  • he would got a golden retriever.

  • He is interested in this and he's supposed to be. That's the way God wired men.

  • But men fail to understand is the key to this is this.

  • And if a man successfully touches this, she give him the green light, and now he can touch this.

  • So, this sex drive, guys, is God's way of constantly reminding a man

  • and it keeps coming back like it never stops.

  • On average, a man will feel the need for sexual release on about every 72 hours. That's every three days.

  • Some more, some less.

  • "My husband's every 72 minutes!"

  • That's your problem. But, anyway...

  • But seriously, the reason that keeps coming back is to motivate the man

  • "Be nice to the girl!"

  • It's not so you can just go: "Hey, you're awake?"

  • Are you hearig me? A lot of guys do this. As soon as they feel the buzz, they just reach for the girl.

  • "Come here, baby! Come here!"

  • Do not be a moron! She won't wanna come here!

  • The reason that buzz hits you again, remember: "Be nice to the girl!"

  • "Be nice to the girl! Be nice to the girl!"

  • "I gotta be nice to the girl!"

  • And this is what motivates me. I try to be nice to my wife.

  • And I spend time with her and I take her to lunch every day...

  • ...and I'll take her shopping...

  • "Well, pastor Mark, do you like going shopping?"

  • No! I hate it!

  • Then she drops me off on the bench with all the old guys and I sleep with them, you know, we just...

  • Then she comes to pick me up, drops me off at another bench.

  • You say: "If you don't like it, then why do you do it?"

  • I'll tell you why. Because I want some of this!

  • I'm no idiot!

  • You gotta be nice to the girl! You gotta be attached to the girl!

  • And really, single women... I don't know how many single women are watching this,

  • but inevitably there's single women here and that's great, and a lot will be watching this,

  • but, you know, when a woman gives a man this before marriage

  • she is a nitwit of astronomical proportions.

  • You would never build a house and pay the contractor in advance.

  • Are you hearing me? If you wanna build a $250,000-house,

  • which here in Phoenix would get you a one bedroom with nothing...

  • Man, I had a huge condo at lake in Wisconsin for $250,000, man, I'm telling you! You've got nothing!

  • But anyway, you wouldn't pay the guy in advance: "Here's $250,000"

  • Do you know why? The house would never get done on time.

  • He'll never do what he promised to do. Why? 'Cause it's just the nature of human beings.

  • You pay him as they hit certain marks.

  • Certain things are accomplished, you finish it... You wait 'till everything's right and the you close.

  • Why? Because that's how people are wired.

  • If you were just to give it to him, you would be a nitwit! A moron!

  • That's what women are doing today. They're coughing this upfront.

  • Which is every man's basic fundamental interest in a woman.

  • You've already given him everything he wants.

  • And then you sit around and say: "Aren't you gonna marry me?"

  • "Aren't you gonna spend more time with me? Aren't you gonna...?"

  • No, he's not! "Pastor, why not?"

  • Because you're an idiot, that's why! Don't do that!

  • Give him that thing?! Make that boy earn it!

  • Ain't no ring, you ain't get anything! This is what you need to tell him!

  • No, seriously, girls... I don't know what. There's something really happened in the female culture.

  • I think it's because the women's lib thing: "Well, now we can go out and we can be as sexual as men."

  • But they're fighting against their own interests.

  • There are milions of women in America today that are so frustrated they can never get this.

  • You know why? 'Cause they're dumb!

  • I'm serious. I don't mean it in a mean way, but they're doing a dumb thing.

  • Just coughing this up to every guy that comes along.

  • It doesn't work that way.

  • Now, every woman's basic interest in a man is this.

  • What a lot of women fail to recognize is that the key to this is this.

  • And if you touch that, he gives you the green light and you can touch this.

  • So, then you said we weren't supposed to do that.

  • Outside of marriage. Inside of marriage you've got to work this way.

  • Outside marriage you defeat yourself.

  • Inside of marriage you have to realize this is a very important deal.

  • It is! It's huge!

  • A lot of woman treat this like a side issue.

  • It is not a side issue in marriage. It is the central issue.

  • It truly is! And I'm gonna re-explain this in greater detail tomorrow.

  • You get this right, things will flow a lot better in your life.

  • You're trying discard it: "That shouldn't be about that! You shouldn't be interested in sex!"

  • "You're just a pig!"

  • You are fighting now against your own interest doing it that way.

  • You've gotta be smart about this, girls!

  • The key to this boy's heart.

  • You know, they used to say, when I was growing up that a key to a man's heart was his stomach. But they were about 6 inches too high.

  • And this is important.

  • And I gotta tell you, girls, if it weren't for this, we probably really wouldn't deal with you!

  • I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just telling you like it is!

  • You know, you take that out, I don't think we'd go through the trouble, honestly.

  • This is a game, you gotta let him know, he can win with you.

  • And we'll talk about this more in detail tomorrow. But the crazy thing about this...

  • The key to what you want, here's the door.

  • And for the guys, for what you want, here's the door.

  • And it is the perfect stand off!

  • It is the ultimate stand off!

  • People say: "What was God thinking?" People say it to me all the time: "What was God..."

  • This is exactly what God was thinking.

  • The key to you getting what you want is to give your spouse what they want.

  • Now, it's not easy. And sometimes you'll mess up, sometimes, you know,

  • but you gotta constantly work for this.

  • You can't all of a sudden disregard this.

  • Some guys, they never pay attention to the girl. They're never nice to the girl.

  • And wonder how come they don't get any sex.

  • "Oh, I don't get any sex. How come?" Because you're an idiot!

  • I mean, for crying out loud! Be nice to the girl!

  • You've gotta touch her heart! That's your key!

  • But a lot of guys say: "I told you I loved you once."

  • "If anything changes I'll let you know!"

  • "I wonder how come I don't get any sex?"

  • Because you're just blowing it!

  • You're blowing it. Girls, the same thing with you.

  • The key to this is this area here. Don't dismiss this.

  • If you guys will flow in this thing

  • it works and it's great. It's extremely powerful.

  • It is the most powerful thing God ever designed to connect two people.

  • We will get into a lot more detail tomorrow.

Mark Gungor The Tale of Two Brains 1/2

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Mark Gungor Tale of Two Brains Full

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    alex に公開 2017 年 09 月 17 日
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