20、 Obama
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FOLKS, IT IS FRIDAY, WHICH MEANS ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS TILL TACO
TUESDAY.
YOU'RE ON YOUR HONOR.
BUT AROUND HERE, FRIDAYS ARE SPECIAL FOR ANOTHER REASON,
BECAUSE LONG-TIME VIEWERS OF LAST WEEK KNOW THAT WE
INTRODUCED OUR VERY FIRST INSTALLMENT OF "FRIDAY NIGHT
FIGHTS."
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: I SET UP A HYPOTHETICAL FIGHT BETWEEN TWO
THINGS.
COULD BE ANYTHING: THE 1980 OLYMPIC MIRACLE TEAM VERSUS THE
HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS, HITLER VERSUS DARTH VADER,
A CRAB WITH A KNIFE VERSUS FERRET WITH A GUN.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN WE POST THOSE MATCH-UPS AS
POLLS ON TWITTER AND LET YOU, THE PEOPLE, DECIDE WHO SHOULD
WIN THE BATTLE.
SO GET READY FOR...
>> Audience: FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS!
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS" EVERYBODY!
JOINING ME NOW TO ANNOUNCE LAST WEEK'S RESULTS IS MY FRIEND AND
PRODUCER, PAUL DINELLO.
PAUL, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> EXCELLENT.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU REALLY?
>> PRETTY GOOD.
>> Stephen: OKAY, PAUL, I'M NOT SURPRISED YOU'RE FEELING
GOOD BECAUSE YOU HAD THE WINNER LAST WEEK OF OUR FIRST MATCH.
WHICH PITTED MARVEL SUPERVILLAIN THANOS
AGAINST SANTA CLAUS.
MY INFINITY GEMS WERE ON THANOS, BUT TWITTER DISAGREED.
SANTA WON WITH 53% OF THE VOTE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BIG SURPRISE.
THERE'S A BIG SURPRISE.
PEOPLE BACKED THE GUY WHO GIVES THEM FREE PRESENTS.
FIX WAS IN!
WHAT SAY YOU?
>> I SAY THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN AND IN THIS CASE, THE PEOPLE AND
ME.
( LAUGHTER ) THE NEXT ROUND WAS LEBRON JAMES
WITH GREEN LANTERN'S RING RING VERSUS MICHAEL JORDAN
WITH A GENIE LAMP.
I WENT WITH LEBRON, BUT M.J. AND HIS LAMP MASSACRED HIM ON
TWITTER, TAKING 65% OF THE VOTE.
BUT I SAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT A FAIR FIGHT.
LEBRON WAS BY HIMSELF, BUT WE ALL KNOW WHO WAS IN M.J.'S
GENIE LAMP-- SHAQ!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT.
YOU DON'T GET TO CLAIM VICTORY ON THAT ONE.
WE ALSO ASKED A MUCH MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION, WHAT I
BELIEVE IS THE CENTRAL QUESTION OF OUR FRIENDSHIP:
"WHO LOVES THE OTHER ONE MORE, PAUL OR STEPHEN?"
>> RIGHT.
AND WE EACH BET ON OURSELVES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER DO.
>> LOVE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU READY TO FIND OUT THE RESULTS?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE TWITTER LOOKED AT US AND
79% SAID I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S SCIENCE!
THAT'S SCIENCE, PAUL.
I WIN.
YOU LOSE.
THAT'S LOVE.
>> I'M NOT SURE THAT GETTING MORE LOVE MAKES YOU THE LOSER.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> HOW DOES THAT ADD UP?
>> Stephen: >> Stephen: WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> LOVE IS LIKE A GIFT, STEPHEN.
SOME SAY IT'S BETTER TO GIVE THAN RECEIVE.
YOU KNOW WHO SAYS THAT?
>> Stephen: WHO?
>> PEOPLE WHO DON'T GET GIFTS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IF I DIDN'T LOVE
YOU SO MUCH, I WOULD HATE YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.
>> WHAT?
>> Stephen: GET OUT!
>> I WON TWO OUT OF THREE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
WHY SHOULD I LEAVE?
>> Stephen: IT'S MY SHOW, LEAVE.
>> OH, ALL RIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THE REAL REASON YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE PAUL
IS BECAUSE TONIGHT I'M GOING UP AGAINST A FRENEMY.
HE WRESTLED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF HARVARD.
HOBBIES INCLUDE CALLIGRAPHY, AND DANCE.
HE IS AN ASTROPHYICIST AND THE DIRECTOR OF THE HAYDEN
PLANETARIUM.
GET READY FOR NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NEIL, HAVE A SEAT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
NEIL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
OKAY, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, BEFORE WE LAUNCH INTO THE
FIGHTS, I HAVE GOT TO ASK YOU.
SCIENTISTS ARE NOW SAYING THERE MAN A NINTH PLANET OUT BEYOND
THE ORBIT OF NEPTUNE.
QUESTION: WHAT IS THE DEAL?
>> THE DEAL IS THAT IT'S, FIRST, IT'S NOT PLUTO-- JUST TO MAKE
THAT CLEAR.
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
WE KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE PLUTO.
>> NO, NO, I JUST -- >> NO, NO--
>> WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.
SO IT'S NOT JUST A LITTLE BIT BEYOND NEPTUNE OR PLUTO.
IT'S, LIKE, 50 TIMES FARTHER AWAY.
SO WE WANT TO CALL IT PLANET NINE AND MAKE IT ALL PART OF THE
FAMILY, BUT THIS THING IS SO FAR AWAY, THAT IT HAS YET TO
COMPLETE AN ORBIT AROUND THE SUN SINCE THE ICE AGE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YEAH, SO I DON'T WANT TO GET ALL COZY WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S
NOT ONE OF US.
>> Stephen: WE HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.
>> NO, NO, NO, NO.
SO IT'S INFERRED BY MY COLLEAGUES-- MY COLLEAGUES, GOOD
PLANETARY COLLEAGUES, MIKE BROWN AND HIS COLLEAGUES FOUND IT THIS
-- >> THOSE ARE THE GUYS WHO
DEMOTED PLUTO FROM A PLANET-- >> THEY FOUND A PLANET BIGGER
THAN PLUTO THAT NO ONE WANTED TO CALL A PLANET AND THAT MEANS IT
WOULD DRAG PLUTO DOWN WITH IT AND FORCED THE VOTE SO PLUTO
LOST.
>> Stephen: WHATEVER LETS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT.
CAN WE CALL THIS ONE BLUTE PLOOUTO?
>> IF YOU'RE REALLY NOSTALGIC, I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH
THAT.
IT'S VERY FAR OUT THERE, AND WE KNOW-- THE WAY TO FIGURE IT OUT
IS YOU LOOK AT THE REST OF THE STUFF ORBITING OUT THERE, AND
YOU SAY THIS IS COLLECTING OVER HERE WHEN IT SHOULD BE OVER
THERE.
THERE MUST BE SOME UNSEEN FORCE OF GRAVITY ENABLING THAT, SO YOU
BACK-CALCULATE THE EQUATIONS AND SAY THERE'S GOT TO BE AN OBJECT
10 TIMES THE MASS OF EARTH OVER THERE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
SO, THUS, THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> Stephen: THE FACT THAT THERE IS A LARGE NINTH PLANET
OUT THERE THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE, DOES THAT EXPLAIN WHY UP
UNTIL NO NOW ASTROLOGY DIDN'T MAKE SENSE?
THIS WHOLE OTHER PLANET WE DIDN'T ACCOUNT FOR.
>> IT WOULDN'T NEED THAT TO ACCOUNT FOR ASTROLOGY NOT MAKING
SENSE.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW BIG IT IS.
IT'S BETWEEN THE SIZE OF THAT PLANET AND THAT PLANET.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WEAR ALL OF YOUR TEXTBOOKS ON YOUR BODY?
>> YOU JUST NEVER KNOW -- >> I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT YOUR
BOXERS LOOK LIKE.
OR WHO YOU'VE STHOAN THEN TO.
WHEN I WAS A KID THERE WAS TALKAVE NINTH PLANET, THAT
PEOPLE WERE CALLING PERSEVEN ME THAT COULD BE A LARGE GAS GIANT
PULLING IN A COMET.
IS THIS THE KIND OF THING WE'RE TALKING ABOUT?
>> NOT THIS ONE-- WELL, OKAY, IT MIGHT BE IMPLICATED IN SUCH A
DIABOLICAL ACT OF REDIRECTING COMETS TO THE INNER SOLAR
SYSTEM, ENDING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE PREPARED TO HEAP UPON THIS
OBJECT JUST YET.
>> Stephen: SO IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL US ALL.
>> NOT JUST YET.
>> Stephen: ENOUGH CHITCHAT, ARE YOU READY FOR THE FIGHTS?
>> YEAH, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
OUR FIRST MATCH-UP.
IT'S A CLASSIC, PITTING TONY THE TIGER AGAINST MR. PEANUT.
LET'S GO.
THE PEOPLE KNOW THIS IS A RAZZLE-DAZZLE.
TELL OF THE TAPE, FOLKS.
WE'LL START WITH TONY.
HE COMES IN AT 9'6", 832 POUNDS.
HIS TRAINING DIET CONSISTS OF SUGAR-COATED CORN FLAKES, AND
BECAUSE HE'S A TIGER, HUMAN FLESH.
TONY'S WEAKNESSES INCLUDE HIGH BLOOD SUGAR AND A POSSIBLE
SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
FIGHTING OUTFIT: NECKERCHIEF, NO PANTS.
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> TIGER IS THE BIGGEST CAT.
>> Stephen: DON'T UNDERESTIMATE HIS OPPONENT,
NEIL, IT'S MR. PEANUT.
COMING IN AT 5'10" 6'9" WITH TOP HAT, 250 POUNDS OF PROTEIN AND
HEALTHY FATS, THIS DAPPER GOOBER-PEA IS KNOWN FOR HIS
SNACK-POSITIVE ATTITUDE, IMPENETRABLE BATTLE SHELL, AND
IS RUTHLESS ENOUGH TO SELL THE SKINLESS BODIES OF HIS OWN KIND.
WEAKNESSES: POOR VISION IN RIGHT EYE, BIT OF A DANDY.
FIGHTING OUTFIT: TOP HAT, PANTS UNCLEAR.
OKAY, NEIL, NEIL, YOU'RE THE SCIENTIST HERE.
BREAK IT DOWN FOR ME.
( APPLAUSE ) TONY THE TIGER VERSUS
MR. PEANUT.
WHO DO YOU LIKE HERE?
>> FIRST OF ALL, I ATE SUGAR-FROSTED FLAKES BACK WHEN
THEY WERE CALLED SUGAR FROSTED FLAKES.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS A VERY HONEST DEPICTION.
>> LIKE SUGAR POPS AND SUGAR SMACKS.
SUGAR BECAME THE "S" WORD AND BECAME EXPUNGED.
>> Stephen: THEY JUST STARTED USING FROSTING AFTER THAT.
>> TONY TIGER HAZE LOT OF SUGAR IN HIM.
I CAN TELL YOU THIS THAT FAT AND OILS HAS TWICE THE ENERGY
DENSITY OF SUGAR.
HAVE YOU EVER BURNED A PEANUT?
TAKE A PEANUT AND PUT IT IN A BLAME UNTIL IT IGNIGHTS AND FULL
AWAY AND IT WILL BURN FOR FIVE MINUTES.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING MR. PEANUT IS A WALKING, TALKING
SHELL FILLED WITH NAPALM READY TO BLOW?
>> IT IS AN ENERGY-- IT HAS TWICE THE ENERGY DENSITY OF ALL
THE SUGAR THAT TONY THE TIGER BECAME FROM HAVING EATEN THAT
CEREAL.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT TONY?
THEY HAVE A POOIT STRENGTH OF 1100 POUNDS PER SQUARE INCH,
RAZOR HELP SHARP CLAUSE, DON'T YOU THINK HE TAKES THE PEANUT
OUT?
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
I'VE SEEN MR. PEANUT AND THE WAY HE DRESSES-- THE TOP HAT,ICLE,
CANE, ANYONE WHO DRESSES THAT WAY REPRESENTS A COLONIZING
EMPIRE WHO WILL JUST SHOOT THE TIGER, STUFF HIM AND PUT HIM IN
A MUSEUM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, SO HE'S GOT AN
ENTIRE-- HE HAS AN IMPERIAL POWER BEHIND HIM.
>> HE HAS AN ENTIRELY IMPERIAL, NAVY.
GO TO @STEPHENATHOME.
PUT YOUR THUMBS WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
WHO WILL WIN.
NEXT UP, IT'S THE TITLE FIGHT.
WE'RE ASKING, WHICH IS MORE INESCAPABLE, THE SUPER MASSIVE
BLACK HOLE AT THE CENTER OF OUR GALAXY OR THE OBLIGATION TO BE
WITH YOUR FAMILY AT THE HOLIDAYS?"
LET'S RUN THE NUMBERS.
( APPLAUSE ) COMING IN WITH A DIAMETER OF
50 MILLION KILOMETERS AND AN ESTIMATED 8.2 TO THE POWER
OF 1,036 KILOGRAMS, THIS SUPER-MASSIVE BLACK HOLE
SUCKS....
HARD.
STRENGTHS INCLUDE THE ABILTY TO TEAR STARS APART AND STOP TIME.
WEAKNESSES: STEPHEN HAWKING, AND GETTING PULLED OVER BY
POLICE MORE OFTEN THAN WHITE HOLES.
AN UNPARALLELLED GRAVITATIONAL FORCE, RIGHT?
>> YUP, NOTHING LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: EXCEPT FOR ITS COMPETITOR, NEIL, YOUR FAMILY AT
THE HOLIDAYS.
THEY COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.
YOUR FAMILY KNOWS YOUR BUTTONS AND HOW TO PUSH THEM.
SITTING WITH THEM AT DINNER IS LIKE WATCHING YOURSELF AGE.
STRENGTHS INCLUDE FULLY-STOCKED REFRIGERATOR, THE POSSIBILITY OF
PRESENTS, AND THE WARM FEELING YOU GET FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD
BEDROOM.
WEAKNESSES INCLUDE THE WEIRD FEELING YOU GET FROM BEING AN
ADULT IN YOUR CHILDHOOD BEDROOM, AND THE FACT THAT THE NEW DOG
DOESN'T LIKE YOU AS MUCH AS THE OLD DOG DID.
OKAY, NEIL, WHO'S GOT A STRONGER GRAVITATIONAL PULL?
BLACK HOLE, FAMILY AT CHRISTMAS?
>> AS AN ASTROPHYSICIST, I GOTTA GO WITH THE BLACK HOLE.
>> Stephen: OH, REALLY?
I GOT ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU, MY FRIEND.
>> WHAT'S THAT.
>> Stephen:NANA IS 97.
SHE'D LIKE TO SEE YOU ONE MORE TIME BEFORE SHE DIES.
GO AHEAD.
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SAY.
GO AHEAD.
( CHEERS ) WHAT'S YOUR NEXT SHOT?
>> OKAY, THAT IS A KIND OF FORCE OF NATURE AND I FELT THAT ONCE.
WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE I DIDN'T COME HOME FOR THIS IS ONE TIME--
THANKSGIVING ONE TIME, 10 YEARS I HEARD ABOUT IT, ABOUT NOT
COMING HOME FOR THANKSGIVING.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE GREATEST SHOT OF THIS BLACK HOLE
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> THE BLACK HOLE, HERE'S WHAT IT COULD DO.
IT COULD SPAGHETIIFY, EVERYONE AT ONCE, THEY GET TO EAT BUT THE
WHOLE FAMILY GATHERS TOGETHER.
IT'S A ONE-WAY TRIP AND THEY ALL DIE AT THE END BUT THEY STILL
GET TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK THE BLACK HOLE WOULD COULD DRAW
ANYONE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHATEVER ITS GRAPHITATIONAL PULL IS AND
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
YOU SPENT LAST YEAR WITH YOUR WIFE'S FAMILY.
SPEND ONE CHRISTMAS WITH US.
I DON'T SEE A BLACK HOLE BEATING THAT KIND OF GUILT?
>> THESE ARE NEW KINDS OF FORCES OF NATURE I HADN'T FACT INTORD
MY EQUATION.
>> Stephen: YOUR COUSIN JANICE IS GOING TO TELL US ABOUT HER
"ROOMMATE" THIS YEAR.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO LIVES IN A CITY.
YOU'LL UNDERSTAND HER.
ANOTHER NEIL, OKAY?
I SAY FAMILY COMES FIRST.
YOU BET ON WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU GUYS CAN HOP ON TWITTER TO @STEPHENATHOME, CAST YOUR VOTE
ON THE QUESTION, WHICH IS MORE INESCAPABLE, BLACK HOLE AT THE
STRF OUR GALAXY OR THE OBLIGATION TO BE WITH YOUR
FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS. THE POLLS WILL CLOSE AT MIDNIGHT
WEDNESDAY EASTERN.
LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD IN THE MOST IMPORTANT VOTE OF 2016, AND
WE'LL ANNOUNCE THE VOTES NEXT WEEK ON.
>> "FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS."
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Friday Night Fights with Neil deGrasse Tyson

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陳秋汝 2016 年 6 月 8 日 に公開

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