Name: Schumer: Trump "Can't F*** Around" With Epstein Files Release | Messing With Texas | RFK On DMT
Uploaded: 2025-11-20T16:58:16.000Z
Duration: 10 min 8 s
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We're just over a week away from Thanksgiving.

But ladies and gentlemen, I am already thankful because last night around 5:30, the US House and Senate voted overwhelmingly to make the Justice Department release the Epstein files.

Okay, Congress, as per the Constitution, Congress then left the bill on Trump's desk like a flaming bag of poop.

Very, very hard to put gold leaf on that.

Remember, Trump already tried to do everything possible to keep this from ever happening.

As President Trump, he could have released the files at any moment.

And when the discharge petition to release the files started, he sent his minions to warn all the Republicans that voting to release the files would be seen as a hostile act.

He even had the head of the Justice Department drag Lauren Boebert into the Situation Room to pressure her to drop her support for the discharge petition.

And when all of that failed, and it looked like he was going to lose, Trump suddenly flipped.

Or change his name to Senor Ramon and flee to Acapulco?

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer has his theories.

The President has said he'll sign it, but

who the hell knows with him, he can change his mind on a whim.

We gotta make sure we get all of the Epstein files.

His head is slowly sliding down his torso.

If the President does sign it, the bill requires Pam Bondi to make unclassified documents related to Epstein and his associate Ghislaine Maxwell publicly available within 30 days.

Just in time for the release of my pervert Advent calendar.

Today's chocolate looks like Jared from Subway now.

Yeah, it's a bad idea for an Advent calendar.

One of the four Republicans who initially forced the vote on the Epstein files is South Carolina Congresswoman Nancy Mace, seen here after somebody told her glasses would make her look smarter.

Yesterday, Mace went on the Newsmax where The anchor asked her if there was a cabal of elites in Washington who protected one another.

I. I don't agree with Mesa's politics, but South Carolinians gotta stick together.

Nancy, next time I throw a party, I would like to invite your dog.

No one should have to spend that much time alone with Nancy Mace.

Now, last night, Trump also threw a big, fancy party honoring Mohammed bin Salman, despite the fact that Saudi security forces murdered and dismembered Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi, which Trump's own CIA concluded that Bin Salman ordered.

So naturally, they punished him by giving him a state dinner.

Same reason Anna Wintour invited the Babadook to the Met Ball Slay King.

The salute to the murderman was attended by a gaggle of Richie Riches, like soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo.

This is a dream come true, I gotta tell ya.

It is an honor to meet you, Ronaldo McDonaldo.

My Spanish isn't that good, but let me just start by saying, don d' esta el Micribo.

Also in attendance were some tech giants like Elon Musk and Tim Cook of Apple.

In honor of ignoring Bin Salman's human rights record, Apple is releasing its new product, the.

One of the reasons Republicans defied Trump en masse on the Epstein files is that the midterms are looming.

And for some reason, I heart pedophiles don't poll too good.

Trump had this brilliant plan to keep his House majority by ordering Texas to redraw its district map in hopes of picking up five House seats.

In response, Governor Gavin Newsom got a ballot measure passed that could give Democrats a shot at winning as many as five additional seats in California.

But yesterday, federal judges blocked Texas from using its new House map in the 2026 midterms.

So they get nothing and California gets five more.

So Trump's brilliant scheme ended up giving him the opposite of what he wanted.

If only there had been some sign that Texas is something you shouldn't mess with.

Oh, hey, I remember earlier this year, right, when a reporter named Olivia Newsey had to resign from her job at New York Magazine because it was revealed that she was having an affair with RFK Jr even though they never actually hooked up and it was just all over text.

Well, she has written a book, apparently, about it, which is even longer than my explanation just there.

And it has given us insight into the man in charge of your health and your human services.

Has claimed to be sober for decades, he told Newsy that he still uses psychedelics and even smoked dmt, a drug which gives users what feels like a near death experience.

That's dmt, not to be confused with the other experience that feels like dying, the dmv.

Now, not only does it make users skate the razor thin edge of this mortal coil between life and death, it also causes powerful hallucinations.

Or as some users describe it, it opens a gateway to a strange realm populated by mysterious entities like elves and dwarves.

But listen, listen, listen, kids, you don't need drugs for that.

S brain that we all assumed has been ratatouing him around this whole time?

Well, apparently a doctor he trusted concluded the shadowy figure was likely not a parasite at all.

So on the plus side, he doesn't have a brain worm.

On the minus side, all that worm space is being taken up by something far more dangerous, RFK Jr.