♪

>>> AH, ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

HERE ON MT. RUSHMORE.

LET'S DO OUR PRESIDENTIAL ROLL

CALL, SHALL WE?

WASHINGTON?

>> HERE!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> JEFFERSON?

>> PRESENT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> ROOSEVELT.

>> BUT I -- EPH -- WHAT IS THAT

INFERNAL RACKET?

>> THEY'RE ADDING ANOTHER HEAD

TO MT. RUSHMORE.

>> WHO COULD IT SOMEBODY.

>> WATCH IT JOSE, THAT HAIR THE

MADE OF 24-KARAT GOLD.

I HAD TO MELT DOWN ALL MY

TOILETS TO LIVE THAT.

>> WELCOME, NEWCOMER.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU SOMEBODY.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I'M THE 45th AND BEST PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATES, DONALD

JESUS TRUMP.

>> A NEW PRESIDENT, WELL, LET ME

BE THE FIRST TO SAY, SOUTH

DAKOTA IS HONORED TO HAVE YOU.

>> I LOVE THE DAKOTAS.

SOUTH DAKOTA, EAST DAKOTA,

DAKOTA JOHNSON, DAKOTA FANNING.

I KNOW THEM WELL, FANTASTIC

PEOPLE, SO GREAT.

>> WELL, IF YOU'VE BEEN ADDED TO

MT. RUSHMORE YOU ENOUGH

ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING AMAZING

DURING YOUR PRESIDENCY R. FOR

INSTANCE, I GAVE THE GETTYSBURG

ADDRESS.

FOURSCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO --

>> BIG DEAL.

I SCORE ALL THE TIME.

>> HM.

WELL, I ALSO ENDED SLAVERY.

>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I'VE BEEN MAKING A BUNCH OF

FEDERAL EMPLOYEES WORK FOR FREE

FOR 31 DAYS.

>> OH.

>> WELL, IN MY PRESIDENCY WE

FINISHED THE PANAMA CANAL.

PANAMA!

>> GREAT SONG, FILTHY PLACE.

AND WHO CARES ABOUT A FRICKIN'

CANAL?

I BUILD GOLDEN TOWERS WITH MY

NAME ON THEM.

AND WE HAVE TACO BOWLS.

>> WELL, I WROTE THE DECLARATION

OF INDEPENDENCE.

>> NEVER HEARD OF HER.

>> I WAS AMERICA'S FIRST

PRESIDENT.

THAT'S WHY I'M ON THE ONE DOLLAR

BILL.

>> YOU MEAN THAT MONEY POOR

PEOPLE USE AT STRIP CLUBS?

WOW, I'M SO IMPRESSED.

LISTEN, LOSERS.

THIS PLACE SUCKS.

SO I'M GOING TO TAKE IT FROM

DUMP TO TRUMP.

>> WHAT EVER DO YOU MEAN?

>> FIRST OF ALL, GOOFY GEORGE,

I'M MAKING THAT OLD WIG YOU WEAR

AN OIL RIG, YOU LIKE IT?

>> NO, I CANNOT TELL A LIE.

>> I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.

TINY TOMMY, TINY TOMMY, THE

DIRTY NOSE OF YOURS IS NOW A BIG

BEAUTIFUL WATER SLIDE.

>> THIS IS HIGHLY UNORTHODOX!

>> WOE, MM, DADDY LIKEE!

AND YOU, FATTY BOOM BOOM?

>> THEODORE ROOSEVELT!

>> WHATEVER.

I MADE YOUR MOUSTACHE A LANDING

PAD FOR THE SPACE FORCE.

>> OH, OH, IT TICKLES!

I HATE IT.

>> AND I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE

FOR YOU, HONEST ABE-HOLE.

>> FORE!

>> WHAT WAS THAT?

>> A GOLF BALL.

THIS WHOLE PLACE IS NOW A TRUMP

LUXURY GOLF COURSE AND YOU ARE 4

UNDER PAR, KIM JONG.

LOOK AT HIS LITTLE ROCKET DANCE,

IT'S SO ADORABLE, I LOVE YOU.

>> PRESIDENT TRUMP, WITH ALL DUE

RESPECT, MT. RUSHMORE HONORS THE

UNITED STATES PRESIDENCY, AN

OFFICE OF COURAGE AND COMPASSION

FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.

TO DESECRATE IT IN THIS WAY

WOULD BE A SLAP IN THE FACE TO

BOTH DEMOCRACY AND THE PROUDNESS

OF AMERICA ITSELF!

>> I'M SORRY, WERE YOU TALKING?

I WAS TWEETING THAT THE DALAI

LAMA LOOKS LIKE A POTATO.

>> MR. TRUMP, WE'RE GOING TO

HAVE TO ASK THAT YOU LEAVE

MT. RUSHMORE THIS INSTANT!

>> WELL, YOU CAN'T.

BECAUSE IT'S NO LONGER CALLED

MT. RUSHMORE.

IT'S CALLED MT. RUSSIA.

MT. RUSSIA!

THAT'S WHAT THOSE HOOKERS IN THE

HOTEL LET ME DO.

>> FORE!

>> MY GOODNESS. 128 00:04:29,636 --> 00:00:00,000 >> WOW, NICE SHOT, O.J.