Jyn Andtonic.

Forgery of Imperial documents;

Possession of stolen property;

Assault with a deadly ball droid;

Impersonating an Ewok.

But enough about me.

Let's talk about your crimes.

This is a Rebellion, isn't it?

I rebel.

We've a mission for you.

Sorry! Not interested.

I don't work for "the man"!

Or "woman", in this case.

I see.

Well, just as long as you don't steal the plans to the Empire's new weapon

and deliver them to us.

That would be very inappropriate and sexy.

Well guess what?

That's exactly what I'm going to do and you can't stop me, Mom!

I mean... Mon.

Oh, confound it all!

Why must you be so rebellious?

Here are the details.

It's outta there!

The world... is coming undone.

Look at my shoe.

That's where it starts.

What happened to your legs?

Nothing.

They were born like that.

It's a long story.

Suffice to say, my mother once got very drunk at a party;

there were droids present; she made poor choices;

and nine months later, went through one hell of a labor.

A major weapons test is imminent.

Haha!

This should fix that leak!

AW, MAN!

That's the biggest plug the Empire makes!

It appears your father is mixed up in some next-level architecture.

God help us if the Rebellion ever gets their hands on these detailed blueprints.

I'm putting a team together -

the worst of the worst of the most pitiful losers.

I want you to be our captain.

I am both flattered...

and extremely offended.

I fear nothing.

All is as the Force wills it.

Oh... THANKS, FORCE!

Thanks a bunch!

The captain says you are a friend.

I will not kill you.

"Friend" is extreme.

I'd say "acquaintance".

Also, I can't believe this is the second time I'm asking this question today,

but what happened to your legs?

Nothing.

It's a long story.

They are requesting a call sign.

It's, um...

Bodhi.

Bodhi Rook and the Rebel Scum.

Bodhi?

Can I've a word with you outside?

If the Empire has this kind of power

what chance do we have?

Seriously - I'm placing a bet.

What are my odds?

Ugh!

I hate it when they fly right at your face like that!

I know, right?

Ooh, can I score some of that?

Oh, course you can, babe.

Are you with me?

All the way.

Speak for yourself, you horny bastard.

I want to get off.

Well you can't.

The door's already closed.

Then why did you ask if we don't actually have a say in the matter?

You just wanted some validation, didn't you?

Just wanted a big scene.

Well I hope you all realise we're flying to our deaths

just so Miss Rebel-Without-A-Cause can satisfy her hero complex.

You're a droid! You can't die.

[ALL GASP]

You flagrant droidist!

You're all witnesses.

Jyn.

That's really not cool.

Vader.

I told you not to stand so close to the screen -

you'll ruin your optics.

Leave me alone.

You're not my father.

Well...

I wasn't going to say anything...

but since you brought it up...

No.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[EMPEROR] Not exactly the... reaction I was hoping for.

[VADER] Well what do you expect?

I thought I was immaculately conceived.

You know, if I had a secret son, I wouldn't just drop the bombshell on him like that.

I'd do it properly.

I'd lead him somewhere private; take his hand;

perhaps offer him an exciting career opportunity.

[EMPEROR] Well, I... I hate to drop another bombshell on you, Vader, but...

you may indeed get that chance.

[VADER] No.

Are you kidding me right now?

I cannot believe what I am hearing.

Me? A distant father?

"Darth Deadbeat"?

Palps, I thought you were my homeboy.

How many secrets have you kept from me?

Next thing I know you'll be telling me my son has a twin sister!

[EMPEROR] Vader, you may wish to sit down for the remainder of this conversation.

[VADER] Oh, for f--!!

I am this close to throwing you down an air shaft.