A: Gaby's sick.

G: I'm not sick. I don't get sick.

A: Yes, you do! You're a human! It's okay!

G: No, I'm like something above a human. I've evolved past humanity.

A: Oh really? What color is your snot?

G: Bright green.

[Groovy Intro Music]

A: This week... G: Ow

A: [laughs] I hit your boob.

G: I can't even enjoy it.

A: [singing] International question? International question!

[singing] INTERNATIONAL QUESTION??? Lisa, Germany!

[to Gaby] What I did was I made each line sound like a question.

Lisa (Germany) wants to know: What is your goal in life?

G: My goal in life is to run an artist colony funded by drug money.

A: What?

G: Mhm. I want to buy a big house out on Venice Beach,

and I want to have all my friends come and create stuff, which I fund using drug

money, which I'm in charge of (I am a drug lord)

And then, um, the only thing is that they have to create art and wear white bikinis

with gold jewelry.

A: That's a very unattainable goal.

G: No, I think it's incredibly attainable. First, you start dealing minor stuff.

Just, like, weed sometimes... uh... maybe a little coke, a little meth.

Then, uh, you move up and start getting connections to people because they trust

you. You buy a house- A: Okay, what about something,

How about something like this, like, my goal in life is to be happy.

G: How do you become happy? That's not a tangible goal.

A: [pause] Well, It's been a little tricky But maybe if you're happy with yourself

then no matter what happens, you can stay happy?

G: That's your whole goal? It's just happiness? An abstract concept?

A: I wanna be happy, and have a family and a job, and come home everyday

and not have a panic attack.

G: That's a very basic goal.

A: Yea, I'm a basic person. God, I'd love to be a basic bitch. They seem happy.

I've been chasing happiness for almost 26 years and it's elusive.

G: That the name of your book? Your book is called Chasing Happiness?

A: I'm sure a basic bitch already wrote that book.

I think happiness is making the chemical levels in your brain at the same rate

or level- G: So, you can achieve your entire life's

goal just by taking Zoloft? A: Probably, except Zoloft made me really

sleepy.

Why are we in this apartment, doing this show, if you just want to be a drug lord?

G: I'm very sick right now.

A: Next week, it'll just be me searching for happiness while Gaby is dealing coke

on the streets. G: Well, I wouldn't be doing it on the

streets. I'm the face of the organization.

A: I think that you're gonna have a real problem with drug culture because it's not

feminist.

G: Yea, but that's- you go in and you blow it up from the inside.

A: [pause] Let me know if it works cause I'll pretty much do anything to be happy.

[Groovy Outro Music]

A: The fact that you're here proves that the show must go on.

G: [pause] What has happened to me?

[More Groovy Outro Music]

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