MY NAME IS JOE WONG.

私の名前はジョー・ウォン

BUT, TO MOST PEOPLE I AM KNOWN

しかし、ほとんどの人には、私は知られています。

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND THE ANSWER TO MY CREDIT CARD

クレジットカードの答えも

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

YOU ARE LOOKING AT A SIDE AND I

君は横を見ているし、僕は横を見ている

WANT TO REASSURE EVERYBODY THAT

## ♪ 安全でありたいと願っている ♪

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES ARE

私の子供の頃の記憶は

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

WHEN I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL,

私が小学校にいた頃

AS PART OF THE CURRICULUM, I HAD

カリキュラムの一部として、私は持っていた

TO WORK IN A RICE PADDY RIGHT

ライスパディで正しく働くために

NEXT TO A QUARRY WHERE THEY USED

NEXT TO A QUARRY WHERE THEY USED

EXPLOSIVE TO BREAK ROCKS.

EXPLOSIVE TO BREAK ROCKS.

AND THAT IS WHERE I LEARNED THAT

そこが私が学んだ場所だ

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

WHICH IS ALMOST AS SLOW AS A

これは、ほとんどの場合は、ゆっくりとした

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

MY DAD WAS A GRUMPY GUY BUT

私の父は、不機嫌な男だったけど。

OCCASIONALLY HE WOULD TRY TO

時々、彼は試みようとしていた

CHEER ME UP WITH JOKES.

ジョークで元気づけよう。

BUT HE DOESN'T DO IT RIGHT.

BUT HE DOESN'T DO IT RIGHT.

WHEN I WAS SEVEN 71 DAY HE SAID

私が７歳の時 71日目に彼は言った

TO ME, HERE SON, WHY IS TOFU

（タイチョー） 俺には ここの息子には ここの息子には なぜ東風なんだ

BETTER THAN CENTRALIZED

BETTER THAN CENTRALIZED

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

SO FIVE MINUTES LATER I SAID,

5分後に言ったよ

WHY?

なぜ？

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

I CAME TO THE UNITED STATES WHEN

私がアメリカに来たのは

I WAS 24 TO STUDY AT RICE

私は24歳でライス大学に留学しました

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

UNTIL NOW.

UNTIL NOW.

AND I WAS USED TO SEEING CARS

車を見慣れていたので

WITH A LOT OF BUMPER STICKERS

たくさんのバンパーステッカーを使って

OFF.

オフにします。

ONE OF THEM SAID, IF YOU DON'T

そのうちの一人が言った、もしあなたがしなければ

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND I DIDN'T NOTICE FOR TWO

そして、私は2日間気づかなかった

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

LIKE MANY OTHER IMMIGRANTS, WE

他の移民と同じように、私たちは

WANTED OUR SON TO BECOME THE

私たちの息子には、「ザ・パーソン」になることを望んでいました。

PRESIDENT OF THIS COUNTRY AND WE

この国の大統領と私たち

TRY TRIED TO MAKE HIM A LINGUAL,

彼をリンガーにしようとしてる

CHINESE AT HOME AND ENGLISH IN

家庭での中国語と英語

THE PUBLIC WHICH IS REALLY TOUGH

非常に困難な一般市民

TO DO BECAUSE MANY TIMES AS I

何度も何度も何度も

SAID TO HIM IN PUBLIC, HEY

公衆の面前で彼に言ったんだ

LISTEN IF YOU DON'T SPEAK

話せないときは聞く

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

HE WOULD SAY TO ME HEY DAD, WHY

HE WOULD SAY TO ME HEY DAD, WHY

DO I HAVE TO LEARN TWO

私は2つを学ぶ必要がありますか？

LANGUAGES?

言語?

I SAID SUN, ONCE YOU BECOME THE

I SAID SUN, ONCE YOU BECOME THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

アメリカ合衆国大統領

YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SIGN

YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SIGN

LEGISLATIVE BILLS AND ENGLISH

法案と英語

AND TALK TO DEBT COLLECTORS IN

借金取りと話をするのは

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

WHEN I GRADUATED FROM RICE I

私がライス大学を卒業したとき、私は

DECIDED TO STAY IN THE UNITED

アメリカに滞在することにしました

STATES, BECAUSE IN CHINA I CAN'T

国家、中国では、私はできません。

DO THAT THING THE THING I DO

それをすることをすることをすることを私はする

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND IN ORDER FOR ME TO BECOME A

そして、私が自分自身になるためには

U.S. CITIZEN I HAD TO TAKE

アメリカのシチズンは私が持って行かなければならなかった

AMERICAN HISTORY LESSONS, WHERE

アメリカの歴史の授業、場所

THEY ASKED US QUESTIONS LIKE,

THEY ASKED US QUESTIONS LIKE,

WHO IS BENJAMIN FRANKLIN?

ベンジャミン・フランクリンとは？

WE ARE LIKE, THE REASON OUR

WE ARE LIKE, THE REASON OUR

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

WHAT WAS THE SECOND AMENDMENT?

第二改正とは？

WE WERE LIKE-- THE REASON OUR

WE WERE LIKE-- THE REASON OUR

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

WHAT IS ROE VERSUS WADE?

WHAT IS ROE VERSUS WADE?

TWO WAYS OF COMING TO THE UNITED

ユナイテッドに来る2つの方法

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

LATER ON, I READ SO MUCH ABOUT

後日、私は多くのことを読みました。

AMERICAN HISTORY THAT I STARTED

私が始めたアメリカの歴史

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

IN AMERICA THEY SAY ALL MEN ARE

アメリカでは「男はみんなそうだ」と言われています。

CREATED EQUAL BUT AFTER BIRTH,

CREATED EQUAL BUT AFTER BIRTH,

IT KIND OF DEPENDS ON THE

それは、ある種の依存性があります

PARENTS INCOME OR EDUCATION OR

親の収入または教育または

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

I READ IN MEN'S HEALTH MAGAZINE

MEN'S HEALTH MAGAZINEで読む

THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA EVERY WEEK

オバマ大統領は毎週のように

HAS TWO CARDIO DAYS AND TWO

2回のカーディオデイと2回のカーディオデイを持っています。

WEIGHTLIFTING DAYS.

WEIGHTLIFTING DAYS.

YOU SEE I DON'T HAVE TO EXERCISE

私は運動をする必要はありません。

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS NOW,

私は今、マサチューセッツに住んでいます。

WHERE WE HAVE UNIVERSAL HEALTH

普遍的な健康のある場所

CARE, THEN WE ELECTED SCOTT

ケア、そして我々はスコットを選出した。

BROWN.

BROWN.

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

I THINK THERE WAS A MOVIE ABOUT

映画にも出てきたような気がする

HIM.

HIM.

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

I AM HONORED TO MEET VICE

副大統領にお目にかかれて光栄です

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN HERE TONIGHT

PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN HERE TONIGHT

I ACTUALLY READ YOUR

I ACTUALLY READ YOUR

AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

オートバイオグラフィー。

TODAY I SEE YOU.

今日、私はあなたに会います。

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

THEY SHOULD HAVE HAD RED PIT OR

THEY SHOULD HAVE HAD RED PIT OR

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

SO TO BE HONEST I WAS HONORED TO

正直に言うと、私は名誉を受けていた

BE HERE TONIGHT AND I HAVE

BE HERE TONIGHT AND I HAVE

PREPARED FOR MONTHS FOR TONIGHT

今夜のための月並みな準備

SHOW.

SHOWです。

I SHOWED MY WIFE -- MATT THE

妻に見せたのは...

WHITE HOUSE BY JOKES ABOUT OBAMA

ホワイトハウス by オバマについてのジョーク

AND THAT IS WHY HE DECIDED NOT

それが彼がしないと決めた理由だ

TO COME.

TO COME.

TAKE THAT STEPHEN COLBERT.

TAKE THAT STEPHEN COLBERT.

PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS ALWAYS BEEN

オバマ大統領はいつもそうだった

ACCUSED OF BEING TOO SOFT, BUT

柔らかすぎると非難されたが

HE WAS CONDUCTING TWO WARS AND

HE WAS CONDUCTING TWO WARS AND

THEY STILL GAVE HIM THE NOBEL

彼らはまだ彼にノベルを与えた

PEACE PRIZE.

PEACE PRIZE。

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

ACTUALLY, I AM THINKING THE ONLY

実際には、私は唯一のことを考えています。

WAY YOU CAN BE MORE BAD THAN

あなたはもっと悪者になれる方法

THAT IS IF YOU TAKE THE NOBEL

THAT IS IF YOU TAKE THE NOBEL

PEACE PRIZE MONEY AND GIVE IT TO

平和賞の賞金を寄付して

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

JOURNAL IS HERE TONIGHT

JOURNAL IS HERE TONIGHT

JOURNALIST HERE TONIGHT WHO I

JOURNALIST HERE TONIGHT WHO I

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

BECAUSE I USED TO WRITE FOR THE

私が以前に記事を書いていたからです。

CAMPUS NEWSPAPER.

CAMPUS NEWSPAPER.

I THINK JOURNALISM IS THE LAST

ジャーナリズムが最後だと思う

REFUGE FOR PUNS.

罰のためのリフュージュ。

ONLY IN THE NEWSPAPER CAN YOU

ONLY IN THE NEWSPAPER CAN YOU

SAY THINGS LIKE, I WAS BORN IN

私が生まれた時のようなことを言う

THE YEAR OF THE HORSE AND THAT

馬年とそれ

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

TONIGHT IS MY FIRST TIME ON

TONIGHT IS MY FIRST TIME ON

C-SPAN, WHICH IS A CHANNEL I

C-SPAN、チャンネルIである。

OBVIOUSLY ALWAYS WATCH.

OBVIOUSLY ALWAYS WATCH.

THE SENSATIONALISM AND

感覚主義と

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

IF I CAN STILL FALL ASLEEP AFTER

眠りにつくことができたら

WATCHING C-SPAN, THERE IS

Ｃ-ＳＰＡＮを見ていると

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SO I BECAME A U.S. CITIZEN IN

それで私はアメリカの市民権を得ました

2008, WHICH I AM REALLY HAPPY

2008年、私は本当に幸せです。

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

AMERICA IS NUMBER ONE.

AMERICA IS NUMBER ONE.

THAT IS TRUE.

その通りだ

BECAUSE WE WON THE WORLD SERIES

世界シリーズで優勝したから

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AFTER BECOMING A U.S. CITIZEN, I

アメリカ市民になってからは

IMMEDIATELY REGISTERED TO VOTE

すぐに投票に登録しました

FOR OBAMA AND BIDEN.

オバマとビデンのために

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

THAT WAS THEIR SLOGAN.

それは彼らのスローガンでした。

SO, AFTER GETTING OBAMA AND

それで、オバマ大統領と

BIDEN ELECTED, I FELT THIS POWER

バイデンが選出され、私はこの力を感じました。

TRIP.

TRIP.

AND I STARTED TO THINK, MAYBE I

考え始めたんだ

SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT MYSELF.

大統領に立候補すべきである。

I HAVE TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND

I HAVE TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND

EXPLAIN A LITTLE BIT, BECAUSE I

少しだけ説明してくれないか？

HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PESSIMISTIC

ずっと悲観論者だった

GUY.

GUY.

I FELT THAT LIFE IS KIND OF LIKE

人生ってこんなもんだと思ってた

BEING INTO THE SNOW ON A DARK

暗い日に雪の中に入る

WINTER NIGHT.

WINTER NIGHT.

YOU PROBABLY MADE A DIFFERENCE

違いが出たのではないか？

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

NOW WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO IS

今、私たちは大統領を持っています。

HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE.

半分は黒、半分は白。

IT JUST GIVES ME A LOT OF HOPE

私に多くの希望を与えてくれます。

BECAUSE I AM HALF NOT LACK IN

なぜなら私は半分も欠けていないからです

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

TWO NEGATIVES MAKE A POSITIVE.

2つの否定は肯定を作る。

YOU MAY BE SAYING HEY, WHAT

何を言ってるんだ？

WOULD BE YOUR CAMPAIGN SLOGAN?

キャンペーンスローガンになりますか？

YOU SEE, I SPENT 10 YEARS IN THE

俺は10年も刑務所にいたんだぞ

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

OKAY.

分かった

I UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

I UNDERSTAND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE（アメリカ国民を理解している

ARE SUFFERING, SO MY CAMPAIGN

苦しんでいるので、私のキャンペーンは

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

IF ELECTED I WILL MAKE SAME-SEX

当選したら同性婚をします

MARRIAGE NOT ONLY LEGAL BUT

結婚は法的なものだけではありません。

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

THAT WILL GET ME THE YOUTH VOTE.

THAT WILL GET ME THE YOUTH VOTE.

YOU SEE I AM MARRIED NOW BUT I

私は今結婚していますが、私は

MARRIAGE.

結婚

I WAS LIKE WOW, 50% OF ALL

私は、すべての50％のWOWのようになっていました。

MARRIAGES END UP LASTING

長続きする結婚を終わらせる

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND I WILL ELIMINATE

そして、私は排除する

UNEMPLOYMENT IN THIS COUNTRY BY

この国での失業者数の推移

REDUCING THE PRODUCTIVITY OF THE

の生産性を低下させる

AMERICAN WORKFORCE.

AMERICAN WORKFORCE.

SO, TO PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO DO

だから、人々には、しなければならないことがあります。

THE WORK OF ONE, JUST LIKE THE

一人の人間の仕事、まさにその通りだ。

PRESIDENT AND THE VICE

大統領と副大統領

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND DESPITE OUR DISEASE OF

私たちの病気にもかかわらず

CANCER, MOST AMERICANS DIE OF

癌、アメリカ人のほとんどが死ぬ

NATURAL CAUSES, SO IF ELECTED, I

自然の摂理だから、もし選ばれたら、私は

WILL FIND A CURE FOR NATURAL

自然療法の治療法を見つけることができます

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

YOU SEEMED TO LIKE THAT ONE.

あなたはその人が好きなように見えました。

BUT YOU WON'T BE COVERED BY

BUT YOU WON'T BE COVERED BY

HEALTH INSURANCE THOUGH.

HEALTH INSURANCE THOUGH.

BECAUSE OF PREEXISTING

既存のものが原因で

CONDITIONS.

CONDITIONS.

AND I HAVE A QUICK SOLUTION FOR

AND I HAVE A QUICK SOLUTION FOR

GLOBAL WARMING.

地球温暖化。

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

IT WAS 100 DEGREES AND NOW IT IS

100度だったのが今は100度

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

YOU ARE VERY WELCOME.

YOU ARE VERY WELCOME.

AND, I AGREE WITH FOREIGN POLICY

AND, I AGREE WITH FOREIGN POLICY.

BECAUSE I AM FROM CHINA AND I

私は中国から来たので、私は

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]

I BELIEVE THAT UNILATERALISM IS

私はユニラテラリズムを信じています。

TOO EXPENSIVE, AND OPEN DIALOGUE

費用がかかりすぎて、対話が開かれています。

IS TOO SLOW, SO IF ELECTED, I

遅すぎるから、もし選出されたら、私は

WILL GO WITH TEXT MESSAGING.

WILL GO WITH TEXT MESSAGING.

I WILL TEXT OUR ALLIES JUST TO

同盟国にメールを送るわ

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

AND TEXT OUR ENEMIES WHEN THEY

そして敵にテキストを送る

[LAUGHTER]

[笑]

YOU ARE BUILDING A NUCLEAR

核兵器を作っているのか？

WEAPON?

武器は？

BUT YOU WERE DOING IT WRONG, LOL

でも、あなたは間違っていました。

I JUST WANT TO THANKED YOU FOR

I JUST WANT TO THANKED YOU FOR

HAVING ME HERE TONIGHT IN THIS

今夜はここで私を待っている

IS THE FIRST TIME -- MATT THANK

IS THE FIRST TIME -- MATT THANK

YOU SO MUCH AND HAVE A VERY GOOD

あなたはとても多くのと非常に良い持っています。

[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE]