ABOUT YOU OVER THE YEARS THAT ARE, YOU KNOW, IN POLITE COMPANY

PERHAPS ARE UNFORGIVABLE.

>> ALMOST.

>> Stephen: ALMOST UNFORGIVABLE.

>> AND SOME NICE THINGS.

>> Stephen: I DON'T REMEMBER, I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING ANYTHING

NICE.

I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING ANYTHING NICE.

ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU'LL ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.

>> ACCEPTED.

>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY, IS

THERE ANYBODY YOU WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOURSELF?

>> AH, NO.

>> Stephen: NO?

>> MAYBE THE AUDIENCE.

HOW ABOUT THE AUDIENCE?

NO, NO APOLOGIES.

>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT IMMIGRATION.

I KNOW YOU BELIEVE ALL ILLEGAL ILL GRANTS SHOULD BE DEPORTED.

>> TRUE.

WE HAVE TO BRING PEOPLE-- LOOK, WE HAVE A COUNTRY.

WE HAVE BORDERS.

WE HAVE NO BORDERS RIGHT NOW.

WE DON'T HAVE A COUNTRY.

NUMBER ONE, WE'RE GOING TO BUILD A WALL.

( APPLAUSE ) -- OH, LISTEN TO THIS.

EVEN WITH YOUR CROWD.

>> Stephen: THEY LOVE-- THEY LOVE THE WALL.

PEOPLE LOVE THE WALL.

>> WE HAVE TO HAVE A WALL.

WE HAVE TO HAVE A BORDER.

AND IN THAT WALL, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL, BIG, FAT DOOR

WHERE PEOPLE CAN-- THEY COME INTO THE COUNTRY--

( LAUGHTER ) AND THEY COME IN-- LISTEN TO

THIS.

A BEAUTIFUL DOOR WHERE PEOPLE CAN COME INTO THE COUNTRY BUT

THEY HAVE TO COME IN LEGALLY.

>> Stephen: OKAY, I UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> THAT'S WHAT A COUNTRY IS ALL ABOUT.

>> Stephen: YOU AID MEXICO WILL PAY FOR THIS.

>> THAT'S CORRECT GLI KNOW "ART OF THE DEAL" AND ALL THAT.

HOW DO YOU GET THE MEXICANS TO DO THIS.

LET'S TO ROLE PLAYING.

I'M YOU, YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO.

YOU CALL ME UP.

"DONALD!

>> ARE YOU READY?

WE ARE GOING TO BUILD A WALL.

ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL.

WE HAVE BEEN ABUSED FOR A LONG TIME AT THE BORDER.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

>> Stephen: NO, NO.

>> JUST SO YOU UNDERSTAND.

JUST SO YOU UNDERSTAND.

THE WALL ITSELF, WE OWE-- DO YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE A TRADE

DEFICIT WITH MEXICO, AND I'LL CALL YOU NOW STEPHEN AS OPPOSED

TO WHERE WE'RE GOING.

OF ALMOST-- LISTEN TO THIS, STEPHEN.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: WHO IS THIS STEPHEN?

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

ALMOST $45 BILLION, A TRADE DEFICIT.

THE WALL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT $5 BILLION TO $7 BILLION.

THAT'S SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY IS VERY EASY TO BUILD.

IT WILL BE NOT A PENETRABLE WALL.

THIS WILL BE A SERIOUS WALL.

>> Stephen: I CAN SUGGEST SOMETHING?

YES.

>> Stephen: CAN I SUGGEST SOMETHING?

>> GO AHEAD.

>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT TWO WALLS, OKAY--

>> CONNECTED.

>> Stephen: NO, NO, NOT CONNECTED.

TWO WALLS, ONE HERE, ONE THERE, IN BETWEEN A MOAT.

( LAUGHTER ) >> AND A NICE RESORT.

>> Stephen: FILLED WITH FIRE.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> Stephen: AND FIREPROOF CROCODILES.

IS THAT ENOUGH?

WHAT DO WE DO?

HOW DO WE BUILD A WALL THAT WILL ACTUALLY KEEP PEOPLE OUT.

>> THE INTERESTING THING, 2,000 YEARS AGO YOU HAD THE GREAT WALL

OF CHINA, 13,000 MILES LONG.

>> Stephen: JESUS HELPED BUILD THAT.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

HERE YOU'RE REALLY TALKING ABOUT 1,000 MILES.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT 1,000 MILES.

THERE ARE 2,000 BUT YOU NEED IT IN 1,000 MILES.

WE CAN HAVE A GREAT AND BEAUTIFUL WALL.

IT WILL BE UP.

IT WILL STOP.

WE'LL HAVE OUR BORDER, AND GUESS WHAT?

NOBODY COMES IN UNLESS THEY HAVE THEIR PAPERS, AND THEY COME IN

LEGALLY.

AND WE STOP CRIME AND WE STOP PROBLEMS AND WE STOP DRUG TRADE,

WHICH IS MASSIVE.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE SO MUCH DRUG TRADE, THE CARTELS, ARE POURING

THROUGH, JUST LIKE THERE'S NOTHING, POURING THROUGH

CHICAGO, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES, THE MONEY GOES OUT, THE DRUGS

COME IN.

WE'RE GOING TO STOP IT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, WELL THAT WOULD BE GOOD, THAT WOULD BE

GOOD.

>> I THINK SO.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO THROW YOU A BIG, FAT,

MEAT BALL FOR YOU TO HIT OUT OF THE PARK RIGHT NOW.

>> GOOD.

>> Stephen: THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU EVER HAVE TO ADDRESS

THIS QUESTION IF YOU HIT THE BALL.

BIG, OLD-- THERE'S, LIKE, SAUCE ALL OVER MY HANDS, THIS MEATED

BALL IS SO BIG.

>> I WANT TO HEAR THIS ONE.

>> Stephen: BARACK OBAMA BORN IN THE UNITED STATES.

GO.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> LET ME JUST -- >> WAS HE?

IT'S A MEATBALL!

>> I KNOW.

>> Stephen: IT'S HANGING OUT THERE!

RIGHT THERE!

COME ON!

( APPLAUSE ).

>> AND YOU WANT TO KNOW, I DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IT?

>> I TALK ABOUT JOBS.

I TALK ABOUT OUR VETERANS BEING HORRIBLY TREATED.

>> Stephen: THAT MEATBALL IS NOW BEING DRAGGED DOWN THE

STEPSAVE SUBWAY BY A RAT.