There's a Pokemon right fucking here.

*sniffs*

The rarest Pokemon...of them all.

*spits*

I haven't showered...

I haven't taken a shit...

I'm constipated.

Hold on, let me -- let me check my GPS.

Where is it?

It's nearby.

I found one!

[dramatic music]

You didn't see me, but here I am

They call me Beast Master 64

I'm the greatest Pokemon hunter alive

I've been on the hunt

for 84 days

Where is it?

*sniffs loudly*

What - what's this?!

I'm getting closer.

I was unarmed, outnumbered...

But I caught a Blastoise.

It had no arms

but I got that sucker.

No one sees me...

I am the danger.

You getting this?

You fucking getting this?

[unintelligible talking] Ow

[laughing]

Ow, my balls!

[laughing]

Ah!

False alarm.

I used to have a Magikarp in my Pokedex.

It evolved into a Gyarados but I snapped its neck before it happened.

*explodey-snapping noise*

I still think about the sound.

It puts me to sleep.

A Machamp tried to wrestle me

but I got him.

With my ass hole

I punch a Charizard in the face he never even got up

I stole a Pikachu from a child.

And then I...

ate it.

Beast Master 64!

I use a Geodude as a fucking football!

There's at least four Pokemons in this area.

Look there's one right there!

Do you see it?

*camera man* Wait where?

Right there, between the benches.

It's a Snorlax.

[Pokemon Go music starts playing]

You're telling me you don't see it,

It's right fuckin' there mate!

[Pokemon Go music]

*camera man* There's nothing there..

Some say it's a dangerous profession,

But I...I'm not--

WOAH, get down, get down!! [Pokemon Go music]

There's a Machamp right there.

Right fucking there, you see it?

[Pokemon Go music plays]

Say my name again.

There's a fuckin'...

Machamp...

In two pieces.

You're telling me you're not seeing this?!

I will eat his legs tonight

You're telling me that's not real?

Pokemon are real.

They're right there.

Listen mate, listen...

No...

Pokemon are real!

Shut up!

Shut the fuck up!

They're real, goddammit!

POKEMON ARE REAL!

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!

*screams in despair*

Wait a minute...

He's right...

No, no...

*sobbing*

*groans*

Why?!

*sobbing*

All these years, I've been hunting...

It was all in my head.

It was in here.

But if Pokemon aren't real...

How can our eyes be real?

Wait!

What the fuck is that?

That's a Pokemon!

That's a Pokemon, right there!

That's a Pokemon!

I'm not fucking falling--

Cameraman: Oh my God...

BM64: That's my Pokemon!

[gunshot]

[dramatic music]

*sigh*

If Pokemon aren't real...

Then dogs aren't real either...

*quiet sobbing*

*heavy breathing*

[gunshot] [Rest in Peace Edgar]