字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント - Before I begin, I must stress that I'm trained in couples therapy. - Duh. That's why we hired you. - But you two aren't a couple, correct? You're just friends? - Yes, Gary. God! - Keep up. - Okay. Why don't the two of you tell me why we're all here, especially me? - Gary, will you let us just talk? - It's okay. Ian. I'll begin. [sighs] Okay. It all started this morning outside the storage room. [harp music] - Wait! No, no, I wanted to do the flashback music. - All right, fine. Whatever. - Okay. It all started this morning outside the storage room. [harp music] We were having the same conversation we always have. - So where do you want to go for dinner after work? - I don't know. What do you feel like? - I feel like I want you to decide for once. - Okay, Chinese. - No, you know I hate Chinese! - Well, don't ask what I want if you don't want to know the answer. But then things got weird. [all screaming] [laughing] [dramatic beat] - I was really upset. - Sure, walking in on employees disrespecting your space would be upsetting to anyone. - What? No, that part was fine. I was upset because Ian and I just don't find the same things funny anymore. - How could you not find that utterly hilarious? - I don't know. It just didn't grab me. - Gary... you have to help us get our spark back. - Please. [playful music] - [man singing] This is America Land of dreams Everyone can climb higher - [women singing] Not you, though You're stuck here 'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah - [man singing] You can do anything - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard - [man singing] And you can go anywhere - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success - [woman singing] Come on, that's not who you are - [man singing] You're a part-timer Cursed with full-time dreams And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems Bad as it seems What the [bleep] are you doing here? Whoa What the [bleep] are you doing here? Oh Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]? - So you guys don't find the same things funny. That's okay. Lots of couples outgrow each other's senses of humor. - We don't want to hear about you and your wife, Gary. - Yeah, ew. - I wasn't-- never mind. Let's try to find some common ground. Anton, what makes you laugh? - I don't know. I guess... Okay, you know those posters with a cat hanging on a clothesline with a caption that reads, "Hanging in there"? [both laughing] - Oh, wonderful stuff. Ian, are you seeing the humor here? - No. The only thing that's worse than a cat in a poster is you two right now. - Let's try to keep it positive, Ian, okay? Why don't you share something that you find funny? - Okay, sure, yeah. Gee, let me think. Uh, Pete naked playing beauty shop with Mads' hair. [harp music] - Stop laughing, dude! We were nervous about our first kiss. - So we decided to get more comfortable but helping each other get over our worst fears. - Aw. That makes sense. - Pete is helping me get comfortable with another person touching my hair. - Yeah, and Mads is helping me get comfortable being naked in front of a girl. - Aw, Pete, you're way lamer than I thought. - Dude, shut up. I think it's sweet. - [spits with laughter] - Leave us alone! - Yeah, you're so... insensitive, man. Body issues are real. - Body iss-- [laughing] You're so skinny! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! - [laughing hysterically] [harp music] [laughing] Oh, now, that's what I call comedy. - This therapy sucks. I'm going back to the past. - Ian? Ian! Put the harp down, Ian. Let's stay in the present so we can work this out. - The present sucks. There's no naked hair play here. - Now, I'm going to throw some funny things out there, and you guys can giggle whenever something tickles your fancy. [laughing] Ahhhh. How about some physical comedy? I'm going into the basement. - Yeah, that's only funny 'cause of what you're wearing. - Is it, though? Or is it funny because there's no basement door down here? Ha ha! I can't hear laughter. - This guy's the worst. - Seriously. - Okay, there's no need to be rude. - Oh, sorry, I thought you were in the basement. - Ian, why don't you just finish telling your story? - Now? - Go on without me. I threw out my back. - Finally. [harp music] Pete and Mads went looking for some privacy. So, naturally, I followed them. - Stop spying on them. They're having a nice moment. At least someone around here should. - What's that supposed to mean? - Oh, I don't know. I started working out two weeks ago, and you didn't even notice. - Uh, yeah, that's 'cause I don't see you naked? And besides, you're one to talk. You totally missed our friendiversary last month. - Oh, yeah? And what would we have done? Gone to get Chinese food even though you know I hate it? - Okay, look, I can't help it if my palate is a little more sophisticated than yours. - Oh, so now you're better than me? - Shut up! - See, you used to talk to me with respect. - No, I mean, like, be quiet for a second. I think they're about to do the tongue-dango. They're--they're about to kiss? - Um...so... - Uh, you think it's gonna rain? - Are you serious right now? Why aren't you kissing me? - I'm nervous. I say trivial weather stuff when I'm nervous. - I have an idea. Why don't we pretend to be other people? Then we won't have to be so nervous about our first kiss. - Yeah. Good. You know who I want you to be? - Who? - JK Rowling. Hot! - Um, 'kay. [clears throat] And who would that make you, sir? - Well, if you're the famous author, that makes me... Your publisher. - Ooh, am I on a really tight deadline? - The tightest. And, you know, if I don't get your pages soon, I might just have to take back your three-book deal and your advance. - Ooh, I love the pressure. - Oh, me too. [soft music] - JK Rowling? Ha! Dude, your sexual fantasy is so not freaky, it's freaky. - Ugh! [with British accent] I can't get any writing done in here. You'll have to find a place more private. [in regular voice] Oh, and when you do, bring that beard. You know which one. - Well, excuse me, gentlemen. Seems there's a book that needs some publishing, and I'm the only guy for the job. Ha-ha... - Aw. Did you see how much they like being around each other? - What? Okay, how are you not finding this hilarious? [harp music] Anton: And that's when we decided to hire a good therapist. - But they were all booked, so we settled for you. - The feeling is mutual. Let's try one more exercise before we throw in the towel and I never, ever come back again. - Okay. - Good. - I'll re-create a moment of conflict, and we'll play out a resolution that was better than what happened. [dramatic music] Now, I'm Pete, and this is Mads. How does that make you feel? - [laughs] - I feel like this doesn't remind me of Pete or Mads, and now I'm gonna need therapy for this therapy. - What are you talking about? This is hilarious, man. - This might be working for you, but it's not doing it for me. - Don't worry, Ian. Now it's your turn. Anton, I would break this over your head, but the board of California prohibits me from hand-to-hand combat with patients. - But nudity is allowed? - I don't make the rules, Ian. You'll have to do it. - What? - Go ahead, Ian. It's the only way you'll empathize with why Anton was laughing at your head wound. - Okay, I take it back. This therapist is awesome. Rock on, Gare. - How is any of this supposed to help? - Anton, let the healing in. - I'm gonna heal the shit out of you! - No! - Get back here! - No. [plate shatters] -Oh! [Gary moaning] You idiot! Ah! Bloody... help... [both laughing] - Oh! - Talk about a head case. - Hey-oh! [both laughing] And look at that. We're laughing at the same thing. - We're back, man. Wow, Gary. You're a great therapist. - Yeah, I mean, I still hate you but less, which is an important step for me. [romantic music] - Finally, some privacy. You found your beard. - [giggles] Yeah. I ran all the way home. I know how much you like it. - [with British accent] So are you ready to collect my draft, Mr. Random House? -Sure, I am.