There are only seven more days until Christmas.

That's-- [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

How many of you started your holiday shopping already?

Okay. [cheers and applause]

And how many of you are gonna wait for, like, six more days?

[cheers and applause]

Holiday shopping can be expensive,

so I thought I would share some tips

for holiday shopping on a budget.

Tip \\#1: Everyone's talking about the new "Star Wars" movie,

and a lot of kids and full-grown men

want lightsabers for Christmas. [audience laughter]

And they ain't cheap, I'll tell you that.

So, look what I made right here.

[imitates lightsaber hum] [audience laughter]

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, all you need is a pool noodle,

and some black tape, and-- [audience laughter]

For $2.00, you got yourself a lightsaber right there.

And it's waterproof.

That's using your noodle, I'll tell you that.

[audience laughter]

Tip \\#2: If you're shopping for your Jewish friends,

remember, Hanukkah ended last week.

All you need to get them is this:

Nothing!

[laughter and applause]

Too late! [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

Boom! Just saved you some money right there.

[audience laughter]

Tip \\#3: A great gift for Dad

is Johnny Walker Blue Label Scotch,

which costs about 200 bucks,

but you can buy Johnny Walker Red for $20.

So you get yourself a blue marker,

and you buy yourself-- [audience laughter]

The blue label, and then you just color it.

[audience laughter]

And now you got blue.

[cheers and applause]

The red-- [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

Tip \\#4: Lingerie is a great gift

for that special someone in your life,

or your mailman.

[audience laughter]

Did you know that regular underwear

is cheaper than lingerie?

Which makes sense.

[audience laughter]

No, it makes no sense.

[audience laughter]

Wait, no, regular underwear--

I said it wrong: regular underwear is actually

more expensive than lingerie,

and lingerie has less fabric,

so it seems ridiculous, so what you do, here, is--

[audience laughter]

Lingerie is more expensive.

[audience laughter]

Yeah, I know. I know.

The joke's still gonna work.

[audience laughter]

Did you know--

[laughter and applause]

Wait till you hear this, guys.

Lingerie's more expensive...

[audience laughter] than regular underwear,

which is crazy, because it's less fabric.

So what you do is you buy yourself

just a regular pair of underwear, like that.

You get yourself some scissors, and then--

[audience laughter]

[audience laughter]

And look what you got.

[cheers and applause]

Now, Tip \\#5: You can just give someone the perfect gift

without spending any money at all,

and that is the gift of dance.