- [groans] DON'T EVEN--SEA URCHINS.

- NOW, COME ON. - I CAN'T WITH--

- YOU'RE ACTUALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS?

- I'M PHYSICALLY AFFECTED--

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT A SEA URCHIN IS?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?

- IF YOU KNEW WHAT SEA URCHINS WERE,

YOU WOULD BE TERRIFIED OF THEM.

- LISTEN, THEY'RE JUST THESE-- THEY'RE IN THE--

THEY'RE ON ROCKS, AND THEY'RE SPINY-LOOKING.

THERE.

AND THE POOR THINGS ARE JUST MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

- NO, THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE NOT. THAT'S THE THING.

THEY'RE LIKE A GRENADE.

THEY'RE LIKE-- THEY'RE SITTING THERE

WAITING TO COMPLETELY INJURE YOU TO THE POINT WHERE--

OKAY, SO YOU STEP-- YOU CAN'T SEE A SEA URCHIN

IF YOU'RE--OKAY, LIKE, IF YOU'RE IN THE CARIBBEAN,

YOU'RE LIKE, "THIS WATER IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S AMAZING."

AND YOU'RE WALKING. IT'S CLEAR WATER.

YOU CAN'T SEE A SEA URCHIN'S RIGHT THERE,

AND THEN YOU STEP ON ONE.

AND THEN IT HAS BARBS,

AND IT GOES INTO WHATEVER IT TOUCHES.

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,

AND IT HAS TO BE SURGICALLY REMOVED.

YOU COULD LOSE YOUR FOOT.

YOU COULD LOSE YOUR HAND.

YOU COULD LOSE YOUR HAND TRYING TO GET IT OFF OF YOUR FOOT.

[laughter]

I DON'T LIKE SEA URCHINS.

- LISTEN, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

ABOUT SEA URCHINS.

"THEY CAN PUNCTURE AND INJURE YOU

AND CAUSE SWELLING AND REDNESS."

[laughter]

- DOES THAT SOUND LIKE STUFF THAT YOU WANT?

- BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU JUST--

YOU JUST DESCRIBED LOSING YOUR HAND AND YOUR FOOT.

- YOU COULD LOSE YOUR HAND AND YOUR FOOT

FROM SWELLING AND REDNESS.

IT'S A LIVING THING THAT WOULD BE

STUCK IN YOU LIKE A KNIFE.

- IT'S NOT LIVING, AND IT'S THE SPINE,

AND A LOT OF PEOPLE--

IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU, NUMBER ONE.

- YEAH, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO NEAR CLEAR WATER.

[laughter]

- JUST MURKY WATER?

OKAY, LET'S TALK ABOUT ANOTHER IRRATIONAL FEAR OF YOURS.

YOU'RE SCARED OF GETTING ARRESTED.

- I'M SCARED OF GETTING FRAMED.

[laughter]

- OKAY, NOW YOU'VE GONE ONE STEP BEYOND.

WHO WOULD FRAME YOU, AND FOR WHAT?

- OH, SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD FRAME ME.

[laughter]

AND THEY COULD FRAME YOU FOR ANY CRIME

THAT YOU COULD GO TO JAIL FOR,

AND I-- LOOK AT ME.

I WOULDN'T SURVIVE IN JAIL.

[laughter]

AND I THINK IT COMES FROM THE FACT

THAT, LIKE, I COULD OPEN UP MY PHONE--

I COULD LOOK AT MY PHONE

AND SEE ANY HEADLINE WRITTEN ABOUT ME AT ANY TIME,

AND IT COULD BE, LIKE, THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY UNTRUE THING.

AND SO I THINK THE DREAM AND THE NIGHTMARE

OF BEING FRAMED COMES FROM--

LIKE, I COULD-- I COULD DO NOTHING WRONG.

I COULD SIT IN MY HOUSE WITH THE CATS ALL DAY,

AND SOMEHOW, THERE COULD BE AN ARTICLE ABOUT, LIKE,

ME BUYING A HOUSE IN A PLACE I'VE NEVER BEEN

OR DATING A GUY I'VE NEVER MET.

- RIGHT.

- SO IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW--

BUT THEN YOU TAKE IT A STEP FURTHER.

IN THE NIGHTMARE WORLD, IT'S BEING FRAMED FOR MURDER.

[laughter]

- I DON'T THINK THAT'S A STEP.

THAT'S A LEAP.

BUT, ANYWAY, I THINK YOU'RE FINE,

AND I THINK YOU WOULD EVEN HAVE FANS IN PRISON,

AND THEY WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND THEY WOULD ALL LOVE YOU.

- THANK YOU. - AND YOU WOULD BE THEIR QUEEN.

[cheers and applause]

SO REST ASSURED.

- THANKS. THAT'S NICE.