Buttoday's episodeisgoingtobequite a bitdifferentthanmynormalcontent, because I'm notgoingtobereadingthroughBiblestoriesordeconstructingtheteachingsofJesus.
聖書の物語を読み解いたり、イエスの教えを分解したりするつもりはないからだ。
Instead, I wanttoshare a verypersonalstorythat I thinkwillbeveryrelevanttothecontentthat I makehere.
その代わりに、私がここで作る内容にとても関連すると思われる、とても個人的なストーリーを紹介したい。
I thinkit's importantthatex-Christians, theysharetheirstoriesofreligioustrauma.
Itbasicallytrackedeverything, made a recording, andthensentthattothemsothattheycouldseewho I wastalkingto, what I wasdoing, where I wasgoing, eventhough I wasanadult.
Theydidn't realizethattheywereambushingme, thattheparentthathadreachedouttothemtoaskthemtoshowuptoldthemthat I wasseekinghelp, that I waswantingtocomebacktoJesusandthat I neededsupportaroundme.
Andthentheyallstoodat a slidingglassdoor, justwatchedmeas I pulledmytrashbags, youknow, littlebylittleandwalkedouttotheendofthedrivewaytomyfriend's carwhowaswaitingforme.
Itreallyshookmyconfidenceanditreallyshapedmeintothepersonthat I amtoday.
それは私の自信を大きく揺さぶり、今の私を形成した。
Itstillaffectsme.
今でも影響を受けている。
I stillkindofhavetodealwiththoselingeringsymptomsofPTSDthatitcausedbecauseitwassuch a betrayalanditwassuch a shock.
裏切られ、ショックが大きかったからだ。
Anditwasjustreallyintense.
そして本当に強烈だった。
Allthesepeoplethat I wasraisedby, thesepeoplethat I loved a lotand I caredaboutkindofturningtheirbackonmeinfavoroftheirChristianity, infavorofwhattheythoughtwasbestformeratherthanlettingmefigureoutwhatwasbestforme.
Andanapologythatisfollowedwith a but, though I understandpeoplewanttoexplainthemselves, doesn't reallyfeellikemuchofanapology, especiallywhen I wentthroughsomuchpainfromthat.
Nowthat I am 15 yearsseparatedfromthisevent, I have a muchclearerunderstanding, a clearerpictureofwhytheydidwhattheydid.
この出来事から15年経った今、私は彼らがなぜあのようなことをしたのか、より明確に理解している。
I'm notreallyangryanymore.
もう本当に怒ってはいない。
I juststillhave a lotofhurt, and I don't knowifthatwilleverreallygoaway.
ただ、まだ傷はたくさんあるし、それが本当に消えるのかどうかもわからない。
It's stillverypainful, but I understandnowthatthereasontheydidwhattheydidwasbecausetheywereafraid.
今でもとても辛いけど、彼らがあんなことをしたのは怖かったからだと今は理解している。
Becausetheseideologieswereembeddedintotheirminds, andtheyreallybelievedthatif I didn't continuehaving a relationshipwithGod, thatif I didn't dowhattheydid, if I didn't followtheirideaofwhatlifeshouldbe, that I wasgoingtobein a lotoftrouble.
I see a lotofpeoplewhoareoperatingfrom a placeoffear, becausethey'rebeingtoldeverySundaythatiftheydon't dotherightthing, andifeverybodyelsedoesn't dotherightthing, thechurchthing, thattheywillsufferforallofeternity.
I rememberwhen I was a Christian, andChristianssaythistomeallthetimenow, butwhen I was a Christian, I usedtojustifymyevangelismbysayingthat I'm justtryingtosavepeople.
Andso I wasshoved, anditdidn't feelnice, anditdoesn't matterwhattheirintentionswere.
だから私は押し倒され、いい気分ではなかった。
Itdoesn't matterwhattheybelieved.
彼らが何を信じていたかは関係ない。
Theyshovedme, and I'm upsetaboutthat.
彼らは私を突き飛ばした。
And I neversaw a traincome, youknow?
列車が来るのを見たことがないんだ。
And I knowthattherearegoingtobesomereallykind-heartedChristiansinthecommentsthatwillhearthisstorywithanopenmind, thatwillhaveempathyforwhat I wentthrough, andwillprobablycommentsomethingalongthelinesof, whatyourfamilydidwasterrible, butthat's notwhatJesuswouldhavewanted.
But I wouldarguethataccordingtotheBible, itseemslikeit's exactlywhatJesuswouldhavewantedthemtodo, andthatpeoplewhodothesethingsareusingtheBibletodefendtheiractions.
When I getonhereand I talkaboutChristianityandtheharmcausedinitsname,
私がここに来て、キリスト教とその名の下に引き起こされた害について話すとき、
I talkabouttheBibleandthethingsthatitsaysandwhy I disagreewithit, it's comingfrom a placeofunderstandingthatthisbook, thisreligionisusedtojustifythesebehaviorsandtocreate a lotofdivisioninfamiliesandinfriendshipsandallkindsofrelationships.
Ifmyfamilydidn't holdtheseideologies, iftheydidn't thinkthat I wasgoingtohellorthat I wasgoingtoputmyselfindangerousspiritualsituations, theyprobablywouldn't havedonewhattheydid.
Theytookmydeparturefromthefaith, mybeingvocalaboutmybeliefsormyunbelief, theytookthatas a personalattackonthem, and I wasaccusedofonlypostingthingsorbeingvocalaboutittohurtthem.
If I canencouragepeopletothinkmorecriticallyaboutwhattheybelieve, if I canencourageempathyandcompassion, evenifthepeoplethat I'm encouragingthattoremainintheirfaith, remainChristianandbelieve, theymightbeabletomoveforward a differentway, take a differentapproach.
And I'm notheretotellpeopletonotbeChristian, but I amheretoencouragepeopletothinkaboutwhattheybelieve, tothinkabouthowtheirbeliefsimpacttheirlivesandhowtheirbeliefsimpactotherpeople.
Andthat's why I thinkit's reallyimportantthat I sharethisstorybecauseitshines a lightonthereallydarkpartsofChristianity, ofreligiousideologiesofthisgroupthink.
I mighthavetocutthingsaroundbecausethishasbeen a reallyhardthingtotalkabout.
この話をするのは本当に大変なことなので、いろいろと削らなければならないかもしれない。
I'vereallythought a lotaboutsharingthisstorybecause I don't wanttohurtthosepeoplefrommypastand I fullyunderstandthattheywerejustoperatingbasedonwhattheyknowandhowtheyfeel.
So I wouldjustencourageyou, ifyouhavebeenthroughsomethingsimilaroranykindofreligioustrauma, toreallyworktohealfromthatandtobecompassionateandpatientwithyourself.
I wouldencourageyoutoshareyourstoryandtotalkaboutthis.
ぜひ、自分のストーリーを共有し、このことについて話してほしい。
Shine a lightonit.
それに光を当てる。
Joinmeincontinuingtoput a spotlightonthisbiggerissuesothatwecancreatepositivechangeandhopefullyencourageotherpeopletoputanendtothosecyclesthatsomanyofusgetthrowninto.
I wanttobeanexampleandtogiveyouhopethatitdoesgetbetterandthatitdoesgeteasierandthatyoucanfindhappinessandpeaceandjoyandallthethingsthattheysaidthatyoucouldonlyfindinchurch, youcanfindthoseontheotherside.
I'm sure I'm goingtocutitup a lotand I'm surethere's things I missedthat I wantedtosaythat I didn't.
たくさんカットしてしまうだろうし、言いたくても言えなかったこともあるはずだ。
Thisis, like I said, thisis a verydifferentvideothannormalanditwasveryhardtodecidetofilm.
これは、さっきも言ったように、普段とはまったく違うビデオで、撮影を決めるのはとても難しかった。
Itwashardtogetthrough.
乗り切るのは大変だった。
So, I thankyouforbeingpatientwithmethroughthat.
だから、辛抱強く付き合ってくれてありがとう。
I thankyouforwatchingtotheendifyou'restillhere.
もしまだここにいるのなら、最後まで見てくれてありがとう。
And I encourageyoutostayonyourmostauthenticpath.
そして私は、あなたが最も信頼できる道を歩むことを勧める。
I encourageyoutogiveyourselfsomuchloveandcompassionandpatienceandroomtohealandtocontinuethinkingcritically, continuebeingkindandempatheticandcompassionatetothosearoundyou.