Came home and smushed in the tub And now you're in my yard

Woke up and saw you were gone Your running across my lawn

without your pants or shoes on Here comes my St. Bernard

Vodka was flowin' Butt cleavage was showin'

Your mind I was blowin' Man we were so freaking wasted

Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly But all my doctors, just call me "crazy"

I made you poptarts with extra gravy But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!

Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately

And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me The doors are locked now. You can't escape me

C'mon lets do sex again I want to be more than friends

Look how far my legs can bend

DOUG I'm sorry I can't stay Look I don't mean to be rude

But, I don't think that we screwed

CARLY I've got the pictures to prove it Hey don't look away

You're my one and only That's what my dog told me

But, don't think you own me Now lets sacrifice some chickens

I've got some hand cuffs Feel free to spank me

But here's the safe word It's "call me maybe"

CARLY Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me

DOUG They don't look like they're really playing

CARLY Crap that's my husband he's in the navy He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy

HUSBAND I'm gonna kill you cus that's my "laaaady" What's going on here?

CARLY He tried to rape me

HUSBAND When people try to rape "my wife" it makes me so mad. It makes me feel bad I'm gonna kick your ass

Come to think of it my wife is just guy in drag I need a real man So call me maybe