♪ - Everyone listen up! ♪

♪ If you can't write ♪

♪ In the proper way ♪

♪ If you don't know ♪

♪ How to conjugate ♪

♪ Maybe you flunked that class ♪

♪ And maybe now you find ♪

♪ That people mock you online ♪

♪ Okay, now here's the deal: ♪

♪ I'll try to educate ya ♪

♪ Gonna familiarize ♪

♪ You with the nomenclature ♪

♪ You'll learn the definitions ♪

♪ Of nouns and prepositions ♪

♪ Literacy's your mission: ♪

♪ And that's why I think it's a good time ♪

♪ To learn some grammar ♪

♪ Now, did I stammer? ♪

♪ Work on that grammar ♪

♪ You should know when ♪

♪ It's less or it's fewer ♪

♪ Like people who were ♪

♪ Never raised in a sewer ♪

♪ I hate these word crimes ♪

♪ Like "I could care less" ♪

♪ That means you do care ♪

♪ At least a little ♪

♪ Don't be a moron ♪

♪ You'd better slow down ♪

♪ And use the right pronoun ♪

♪ Show the world you're no clown ♪

Everybody wise up!

♪ Say you got an I-T ♪

♪ Followed by an apostrophe ♪

♪ Now what does that mean? ♪

♪ You would not use it's in this case! ♪

♪ - As a possessive - No, no, no! ♪

♪ - It's a contraction. - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪

♪ What's a contraction? ♪

Well, it's the shortening of a word or a group of words

by omission of a sound or letter.

♪ Okay, now here's some notes ♪

♪ Syntax you're always mangling ♪

♪ No X in "Espresso" ♪

♪ Your participle's danglin' ♪

♪ But I don't want your drama ♪

♪ If you really wanna ♪

♪ Leave out that Oxford comma ♪

♪ Just keep in mind that BCRU ♪

♪ Are words, not letters ♪

♪ Get it together ♪

♪ Use your spell checker ♪

♪ You should never ♪

♪ Write words using numbers ♪

♪ Unless you're seven ♪

♪ Or your name is Prince ♪

♪ I hate these word crimes ♪

♪ You really need a full time proof reader ♪

♪ You dumb mouth breather ♪

♪ Well, you should hire ♪

♪ Some cunning linguist ♪

♪ To help you distinguish ♪

♪ What is proper English ♪

Everybody wise up!

♪ One thing I ask of you... ♪

♪ Time to learn your homophones is past due ♪

♪ Learn to diagram a sentence too ♪

♪ Always say, "to whom;" ♪

♪ Don't ever say "to who." ♪

♪ Listen up when I tell you this ♪

♪ I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis ♪

♪ You finished second grade, I hope you can tell ♪

♪ If you're doing good or doing well ♪

♪ You better figure out the difference ♪

♪ Irony is not coincidence ♪

♪ And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull... ♪

♪ about what's figurative and what's literal ♪

♪ - Just now. - Just now. ♪

♪ - You said. - You said. ♪

♪ You "literally couldn't get out of bed." ♪

What!?

♪ That really makes me want to literally ♪

♪ Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head! ♪

♪ I read your e-mail ♪

♪ It's quite apparent ♪

♪ Your grammar's errant ♪

♪ You're incoherent ♪

♪ Saw your blog post ♪

♪ It's really fantastic! ♪

♪ That was sarcastic ♪

♪ 'Cause you write like a spastic ♪

♪ I hate these word crimes ♪

♪ Your prose is dopey ♪

♪ Think you should only ♪

♪ Write in Emojis ♪

♪ Oh, you're a lost cause ♪

♪ Go back to pre-school ♪

♪ Get out of the gene pool ♪

♪ Try your best to not drool ♪

Never mind, I give up.

Really now, I give up.