EVERYBODY.

すべての人に。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR HAPPY FRIEND, MR. JON BATISTE.

私たちの幸せな友人、MR.ＪＯＮ ＢＡＴＩＳＴＥ

JON, YOU LOOK VERY, VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

JON, YOU LOOK VERY, VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

( SCATTING ) ♪ T IN THIS WORLD WITH A LOT OF

( SCATTING ) ♪ T IN THIS WORLD WITH A LOT OF A LOT OF

PROBLEMMED ♪ OH, MY GOODNESS, I'VE GOT A SONG

問題発生 ♪ OH, MY GOODNESS, I've got a song

IN HIGH HEART RIGHT NOW.

IN HIGH HEART RIGHT NOW.

I'VE GOT A SONG IN MY HEART.

I've GOT A SONG IN MY HEART.

>> Stephen: I WAS REALLY MOVED.

>> スティーブン私は本当に感動しました。

I WAS REALLY MOVED TO SEE THE BIDENS LAND AT ANDREWS.

アンドリューズのバイデンスランドを見て感動しました。

LIKE, IT'S REAL, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, MAN YOU.

現実なんだよ、もうすぐ起こるんだよ、お前。

>> Jon: YOU KNOW IT'S HAPPENING BECAUSE WE PUT IN THE

>> ジョン私たちが入れたから 起きていることがわかるのよ

WORK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

それを実現するために働く。

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> スティーブンそうだよ

>> Jon: AND IF WE KEEP PUTTING IN THE WORK, IT WILL CONTINUE TO

>> ジョン仕事を続けていれば、それは続くだろう。

GET BETTER.

GET BETTER.

AD THAT'S WHAT I'M BELIEVING.

それが私の信じていることです。

I'M STANDING ON THAT.

私はその上に立っています。

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I APPRECIATE?

>> スティーブン私が何を評価しているか知っていますか？

THE MEMORIAL CEREMONY THAT HE AND FUTURE FIRST LADY HELD TODAY

THE MEMORIAL CEREMONY THAT HE AND FUTURE FIRST LADY HELD TODAY

AT THE REFLECTING POOL AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TODAY FOR THOSE

リンカーン記念館のプールでは、今日、人々のために反射する

WHO WERE LOST TO COVID.

WHO WERE LOST TO COVID.

IT'S A SIMPLE, BEAUTIFUL GESTURE THAT IS THE FIRST STAGE OF THE

IT'S A SIMPLE, BEAUTIFUL GESTURE THAT IS THE FIRST STAGE OF THE

NATION HEALING.

NATION HEALING.

>> Jon: EXACTLY.

>>ジョン。まさにその通り

TO SHOW ACKNOWLEDGMENT AND WRENCHANCE TOWARDS EVERYTHING

すべてのものに対する認識と寛容を示すために

THAT'S HAPPENED AND NOT JUST SKIP OVER IT.

それは起きたことだし、それをスキップしてはいけない。

I THINK WE HAVE A LOT OF HEALING TO DO, BUT THAT'S THE MOST

やるべきことは山ほどあると思うが、それが一番だ。

IMPORTANT STEP AFTER WHAT WE HAD IN 2021.

IMPORTANT STEP AFTER WHAT WE HAD IN 2021.

>> Stephen: JON CAN YOU GIVE US A LITTLE MORE OF THAT HAPPY

>> スティーブン：ジョン、もう少し幸せな気持ちになってくれないか？

FEEL AS WE GO ON ♪ IN THIS WORLD

"この世界にいるように感じる

WITH A LOT OF PROBLEMS ♪ ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE LOVING

WITH A LOT OF PROBLEMS ♪ ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE LOVING

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR YOUR LOVE, MR. COLBERT

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR YOUR LOVE, MR. COLBERT

OH, YEAH ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

スティーブンＪＯＮ ＢＡＴＩＳＴＥ

EVERYBODY.

すべての人に。

THANK YOU, JON.

THANK YOU, JON.

( LAUGHING ) FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF

( LAUGHING ) FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND OF MOST OF THE MOST OF

MY TIME WITH A SNIFTER OF FINE ARMAGNAC AT MY ELBOW, LAYING OUT

私の時間は、私の肘の上に上質なアルマグナックのスニファーを置いて、寝転んでいます。

THE NEWSIEST, MOST COMPELLING PLOTS, CONSTRUCTING THE MOST

THE NEWSIEST, MOST COMPELLING PLOTS, CONSTRUCTING THE MOST

TOPICAL CHARACTERS, AND COMPOSING THE TIMELIEST LYRICAL

話題のキャラクター、そして最も歴史的な叙情詩の構成

METAPHORS TO BRING YOU THE PULITZER-WORTHY MAGNUM OPUS OF A

プリッツァー賞受賞作をお届けするためのメタフォーズ

NOVEL THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

小説「私のモノローグ」。

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO POUND A RACK OF BOOTLEG FOUR

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO POUND A RACK OF BOOTLEG FOUR

LOKO, DEFACE A BUNCH OF CUTOUTS FROM FASHIONS MAGS WITH A

LOKO、ファッション誌からの大量のカットを、Aで脱ぎ捨てる。

SHARPIE AND SLAP 'EM TOGETHER WITH GLUE STICKS, THEN HIJACK MY

SHARPIE AND SLAP 'EM TOGETHER WITH GLUE STICKS, THEN HIJACK MY

BROTHER-IN-LAW'S OFFICE PRINTER AND RUN DOWN THE TONER, CRANKING

義理の兄弟のオフィスプリンタとトナーを実行すると、cranking。

OUT THE DERANGED, UNDERGROUND 'ZINE OF NEWS THAT IS MY

崩壊した地下の「私のニュースのZINE

SEGMENT: >> QUARANTINE-WHILE.

SEGMENT: >> QUARANTINE-WHILE.

>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU'RE STILL NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

>> スティーブンクオランタイン-まだ何をすればいいかわからないときは

WITH YOUR LOVED ONE ON VALENTINES, THERE'S SOME GREAT

あなたの大切な人と一緒にバレンタインには、いくつかの素晴らしいものがあります。

NEWS: "WHITE CASTLE IS TRANSFORMING

ニュース"ホワイトキャッスルは変身している

RESTAURANTS INTO DRIVE-INS FOR THE NIGHT," COMPLETE WITH

RESTAURANTS INTO DRIVE-INS FOR THE NIGHT," COMPLETE WITH

"CARHOP SERVICE."

"CARHOP SERVICE."

THE WAY YOU CELEBRATE VALENTINES SENDS A MESSAGE.

あなたがバレンタインを祝う方法は、メッセージを送信します。

AND WHITE CASTLE IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY, "OUR LOVE IS

そして、ホワイトキャッスルは、「私たちの愛は」と言うのに最適な方法です。

GRATIFYING IN THE SHORT TERM, BUT I WILL LOSE INTEREST AS SOON

短期的には感謝していますが、すぐに興味を失いそうです。

AS I AM NO LONGER HIGH."

"私はもう高いところにはいない"

IT'S A BIG NIGHT FOR THEM, AND ACCORDING TO A SPOKESPERSON,

彼らにとっては大事な夜なんだよ

"WHITE CASTLE WILL BECOME LOVE CASTLE," BECAUSE THE ONLY THING

"WHITE CASTLE WILL BECOME LOVE CASTLE," BECAUSE THE ONLY THING

THAT GETS YOU IN THE MOOD FASTER THAN A MEAL AT WHITE CASTLE IS

ホワイトキャッスルでの食事よりも早く気分を盛り上げてくれるのは

TO BE TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH SOMEONE WHO JUST HAD A MEAL AT

食事をしたばかりの人と車の中に閉じ込められて

WHITE CASTLE.

ホワイトキャッスル

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "OSCAR MEYER IS SEEKING NEW DRIVERS FOR ITS

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "OSCAR MEYER IS SEEKING NEW DRIVERS FOR ITS

FAMOUS WEINERMOBILE."

FAMOUS WEINERMOBILE."

THEY ARE LOOKING FOR RECENT COLLEGE GRADUATES TO TAKE ON THE

THEY ARE LOOKING FOR RECENT COLLEGE GRADUATES TO TAKE ON THE

ONE-YEAR PAID JOB CRISSCROSSING THE COUNTRY IN THE ICONIC

ONE-YEAR PAID JOB CRISSCROSSING THE COUNTRY IN THE ICONIC

27-FOOT-LONG HOT-DOG-SHAPED VEHICLE.

27フィートの長さのホットドッグ型車両。

BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS "THANK YOU, MOM AND DAD, FOR WORKING YOUR

なぜなら、「働いてくれてありがとう、ママとパパ」という言葉がないからです。

ENTIRE LIVES SO THAT I COULD GET A B.F.A. IN MUSICAL THEATRE,"

"音楽劇の学士号を取得するために生きてきた"

QUITE LIKE SPENDING A YEAR DRIVING A BEEF STICK LIMOUSINE.■

まるで1年かけて牛スティックリモウジンを運転しているような感覚です。

THE GIG PROMISES ALL SORTS OF ADVENTURE.

THE GIG PROMISES ALL SORTS OF ADVENTURE.

IN FACT, ONE OF LAST YEAR'S DRIVERS "EVEN PROPOSED TO HIS

実は昨年の運転手の一人が「彼にプロポーズされた」のです

GIRLFRIEND WHILE ON THE ROAD."

GIRLFRIEND WHILE ON THE ROAD."

BUT IF PROPOSING IN THE WIENERMOBILE DOESN'T FEEL

しかし、ワイヤレスモバイルでの提案が感じられない場合

ROMANTIC ENOUGH, YOU CAN ALWAYS TAKE HER TO THE DRIVE-THRU AT

ROMANTIC ENOUGH, YOU CAN ALWAYS TAKE HER TO THE DRIVE-THRU AT

WHITE CASTLE.

ホワイトキャッスル

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, UNLESS YOU

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, UNLESS YOU

LIVE UNDER A ROCK, YOU ARE ALREADY ALARMINGLY AWARE OF

LIVE UNDER A ROCK, YOU ARE ALREADY ALARMINGLY AWARE OF

GWYNETH PATLROW'S GOOP CANDLE■ç THAT PROMISES TO SMELL LIKE HER

GWYNETH PATLROW'S GOOP CANDLE■ç THAT THAT PROMOMISES TO SMELLIKE HER

VAGINA.

VAGINA.

BUT I'M THE WEIRDO IF I ENTER SOMEONE'S HOME AND ASK, "IS IS

BUT I'M THE WEIRDO IF I ENTER SOMEONE'S HOME AND ASK, "IS IS

ME, OR DOES IT SMELL LIKE GWYNETH PALTROW'S VAGINA IN

俺か、それともGWYNETH PALTROWの膣の匂いがするのか？

HERE?" ( LAUGHTER )

"ここで？" （笑）

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS.

こんなこと言ってるなんて信じられないわ

BUT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO BUY THE CANDLE THAT SMELLS LIKE

BUT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO BUY THE CANDLE THAT SMELLS LIKE

GWYNETH PALTROW'S VAGINA BECAUSE "ONE OF HER VAGINA

GWYNETH PALTROWのVAGINAは「彼女の膣の一つ」のために

CANDLES REPORTEDLY EXPLODED IN A U.K. WOMAN'S HOME."

"英国の女性の家で爆発したと 報告されている"

A SHOCKING STORY THAT THREATENS THE ENTIRE VAGINA-SCENTED CANDLE

ヴァギナセンターキャンドルを脅かす衝撃的な話

INDUSTRY.

産業界。

ACCORDING TO THE HOMEOWNER, "THE CANDLE EXPLODED AND EMITTED HUGE

家の所有者によると、「キャンドルが爆発して大きなものを受けた」とのことです。

FLAMES, WITH BITS FLYING EVERYWHERE."

炎のように、どこにでも飛び交うビットを持っている。"

WHICH IS WHY SAFETY-MINDED CONSUMERS PREFER TO STICK WITH

WHICH IS WHY SAFETY-MINDED CONSUMERS PREFER TO STICK WITH

YANKEE CANDLE'S AUTUMN LABIA.

YANKEE CANDLEのAUTUMN LABIA。

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, "NESTLE HAS

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, "NESTLE HAS

RECALLED 762,000 POUNDS OF HOT POCKETS BECAUSE THEY MAY HAVE

ホットポッケに含まれる可能性があるため、762,000ポンドのホットポッケを回収しました。

GLASS AND PLASTIC INSIDE."

"ガラスとプラスチックの内側"

OKAY, BUT THEY STILL HAVE CHEESE, RIGHT?

OKAY, BUT THEY STILL HAVE CHEESE, RIGHT?

THE COMPANY IS WARNING CUSTOMERS THAT THE HOT POCKETS CONTAINING

THE COMPANY IS WARNING CUSTOMERS THAT THE HOT POCKETS CONTAINING

GLASS AND PLASTIC ARE DANGEROUS, THOUGH STILL NOT AS DANGEROUS

ガラスとプラスチックは危険ですが、まだそれほど危険ではありません。

AS EATING THEM STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MICROWAVE.

AS EATING THEM STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MICROWAVE.

STILL, PRETTY SHOCKING, AND SOME SERIOUS COMPETITION FOR ORE

まだまだ、かなり衝撃的で、鉱石のための真剣な競争があります。

IDA'S GLASS AND PLASTIC-INOS.

IDA'S GLASS AND PLASTIC-INOS.

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THIS IS THE KIND OF NEWS I'M HOPING TO SPEND

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THIS IS THE KIND OF NEWS I'M HOPING TO SPEND

MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT IN 2021.

2021年のことを考える時間を増やす。

BECAUSE IN WAYLAND, MASSACHUSETTS, "LIBRARIANS ARE

マサチューセッツ州ウェイランドでは「図書館員は」だからです。

MYSTIFIED BY POTATOES GATHERING ON THE LIBRARY'S FRONT LAWN."

"図書館の前庭に群がるジャガイモに 惑わされた"

I THINK THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS "ACCUMULATING," OR

I THINK THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS "ACCUMULATING," OR

"GATHERING" IMPLIES THEY'RE RESPONDING TO SOME SORT OF

"集まる "ということは 何かに反応しているということです

PRIMAL POTATO CALL TO ASSEMBLE FOR THE GREAT POTATO UPRISING.

"偉大なジャガイモの蜂起のために 集まるように呼びかける

"ARISE, FELLOW TUBERS!

"立ち上がれ！同胞チューバーズ！

NEVER AGAIN WILL THEY SPRINKLE US WITH CHIVES!"

NEVER AGAIN WILL THEY SPRINKLE US WITH CHIVES!"

"THE CREAM MAY BE SOUR BUT OUR REVENGE WILL BE SWEET!"

"クリームは硫黄かもしれないが、我々の復讐は甘くなるだろう！"

THE LIBRARIANS HAVE BEEN SHAKEN BY WHAT THEY REFER TO AS "RANDOM

THE LIBRARIANS HAVE BEEN SHAKEN BY WHAT THEY REFER TO AS "RANDOM

POTATOES."

"ポタート"

YES, RANDOM.

そうだ、ランダムだ

THESE POTATOES ARE NEITHER EXPECTED NOR ORDERLY!

これらのジャガイモは、期待されていないし、秩序がない!

THESE ARE TATERS OF CHAOS!

THESE ARE TATERS OF CHAOS!

ACCORDING TO REPORTS, LIBRARY "DIRECTOR SANDY RAYMOND FOUND

サンディ・レイモンド館長が発見されたとの報告があります。

THE FIRST TUBER MONDAY DURING A WALK AROUND THE LIBRARY GROUNDS.

THE FIRST TUBER MONDAY DURING A WALK AROUND THE LIBRARY GROUNDS.

SHE DISCOVERED THE SECOND WHILE GETTING HER STEPS IN TUESDAY."

"彼女は火曜日に足を踏み入れている間に セカンドを発見した"

THAT'S HOW VICIOUS THIS CRIME IS!

それがこの犯罪がどれだけ被害が大きいかだ！

SHE'S TRYING GET HER STEPS IN, AND SOME SICKO IS TAUNTING HER

彼女は彼女のステップを取得しようとしています。そして、SICKOは彼女をチューニングしています。

WITH CARBS!

WITH CARBS!

AND YOU KNOW WE'RE ONLY HEARING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE OF THE SECOND

私たちがこの話をしているのは 二番目の理由だけだと知っていますか？

POTATO.

ポタート

IF IT WAS ONE POTATO, THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA WOULD

もしそれが一つのポタートならば、メインストリーム・メディアはそうするだろう。

COMPLETELY IGNORE IT.

完全に無視してください。

BUT TWO POTATOES, THAT'S A CLEAR PATTERN OF POTERRORISM.

ポテロリズムの明確なパターンだ

TO AID LAW ENFORCEMENT, THE PRESS HAS RELEASED THIS PHOTO OF

法の執行を支援するために、報道機関はこの写真を公開しました。

THE LIBRARY AND THE POTATO-VIOLATED LAWN WITH THE

「図書館とポタートに蹂躙された芝生」

HELPFUL CAPTION, "ARROWS INDICATE WHERE POTATOES ARE."

HELPFUL CAPTION, "ARROWS INDICATE WHERE POTATOES ARE."

THAT'S RIGHT, "ARE"!

THAT'S RIGHT, "ARE"!

LEAVE THEM THERE.

LEAVE THEM THERE.

DON'T TOUCH THE CRIME SCENE!

DON'T TOUCH THE CRIME SCENE!

TAPE IT OFF.

テープを切って

FORENSICS ARE ON THE WAY OVER WITH SOUR CREAM AND BACON BITS!

フォレンジックは、ソースクリームとベーコンビッツと一緒に、ウェイオーバー上にあります！

THE LIBRARIANS ALSO STATED, "NONE OF US CAN IMAGINE HOW

LIBRARIANSはまた、「私たちの誰もが、どのようになるか想像できない」と述べています。

THEY GOT THERE."

"奴らはそこにいる"

IT'S UNIMAGINABLE!

想像を絶する！

OH, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "UH, DROPPED BY WALKING OR

OH, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "UH, DROPPED BY WALKING OR

THROWN FROM A CAR ARE, LIKE, THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS, RIGHT?"

THROWN FROM A CAR ARE, LIKE, THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS, RIGHT?"

WELL, SNAP OUT OF IT!

まあ、それはそれでいいわ！

IT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED.

説明できません。

DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER THAT IT COULD BE THE SASQUATCH?

DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER THAT IT COULD BE THE SASQUATCH?

YOU NEVER SEE A PHOTO OF BIGFOOT WITH A POTATO.

ジャガイモを持った大物の写真は見たことがない。

NO, WHY?

いや、なぜ？

BECAUSE HE DROPPED HIS SPUDS AT THE LIBRARY!

彼が図書館で汗を落としたからだ！

AND, AGAIN, KEEP IN MIND, THIS STORY IS NOT OVER.

そして、もう一度、心に留めておいてください、この物語は終わっていません。

THERE'S MORE POTATO STORY COMING.

THERE'S MORE POTATO STORY COMING.

>> IN THE PATROL OF FULL DISCLOSURE I THINK I

>> 完全公開の守備範囲の中では、私は私だと思います。

BECAUSE IF YOU THINK THIS IS JUST SOME FUNNY, ISOLATED LITTLE

これがただのおかしな 孤立した小さなものだと思っているならば

POTATO INCIDENT, YOU'RE SHOULD REVEAL

ポタート事件、あなたは明らかにすべきです。

SHOULD REVEAL THAT "POTATO OCCURRENCES" WAS THE NAME OF MY

"POTATO OCCURRENCES "が私の名前だったことを 明らかにすべきでしょう

COLLEGE POETRY SLAM COLLECTIVE.

COLLEGE POETRY SLAM COLLECTIVE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "OUR FRIEND," JASON SEGEL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "OUR FRIEND," JASON SEGEL.