WELCOME BACK!

WELCOME BACK!

LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE.

私たちの友人であるMR.ＪＯＮ ＢＡＴＩＳＴＥ

HELLO, JON.

こんにちは、ジョン

>> Jon: YOU GOTTA HAVE A VISION, A VISION, A REVELATION.

>> ジョン: You GOTTA HAVE A VISION, A VISION, A REVELATION.

>> Stephen: I'M HAVING A VISION, A REVELATION FOR MONDAY.

>> スティーブン：私は月曜日のビジョン、啓示を持っています。

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO MONDAY, JON?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO MONDAY, JON?

>> OH, MY GOODNESS, I HEARD.

>> 聴いたよ。

>> Stephen: I'M GOING DOWN TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO INTERVIEW

>> スティーブンワシントンDCに行って取材してきます

THIS MAN-- MR. BARACK OBAMA-- ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK "A PROMISE

THIS MAN-- MR. BARACK OBAMA-- ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK "A PROMISE

LAND."

"ランド"

I GOT SO MANY DECISIONS O MAKE.

I GOT SO MANY S O MAKE O DECISIONS O MAKE.

OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM?

OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM?

THAT'S A BIGGIE.

それはビッグサイズだ

BUT WHAT DO I WEAR?

でも何を着ていけばいいの？

DO I WEAR A SUIT?

スーツを着ればいいの？

HE'S THE FORMER PRESIDENT.

彼は元大統領だ

DO I WEAR A SUIT?

スーツを着ればいいの？

EVY SAYS I WEAR A SUIT.

EVY SAYS I WEAR A SUIT.

>> NO TIE.

>>NO TIEです。

>> Stephen: SUIT, NO TIE MARX SAYS.

>> スティーブン：スーツ、ノーネクタイマークスは言う。

WHAT DO YOU SAY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY.

>> Jon: I SAY SUIT, NO TIE, UNBUTTON THE TOP BUTTON.

>> ジョンスーツ、ノーネクタイ、トップボタンを外す。

CASUAL BUT FORMAL.

カジュアルだけどフォーマル。

>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT NO SHIRT, GO HARRY STYLES.

>> スティーブンHOW ABOUT NO SHIRT, GO HARRY STYLES.

>> Jon: THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO DO.

>> ジョンそれはいいことだと思うよ

>> Stephen: ANYWAY, VERY EXCITED.

>> スティーブン：とにかく、とても興奮しています。

WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ME TO ASK HIM.

WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ME TO ASK HIM.

PLEASE, HIT ME, UP, OKAY.

お願いだから 殴ってくれ

>> Jon: ASK HIM ABOUT THAT JUMPER FROM THE CORNER?

>> ジョン角のジャンプ台のことを聞いてみる？

YOU SEE HIM SINK THAT 3?

彼が沈むのを見たか？

>> Stephen: I WILL, I WILL.

>> スティーブン: I WILL, I WILL.

>> Jon: HOW MANY TAKES.

>> ジョン: How MAN TAKES.

>> Stephen: I THINK THAT'S WHY BIDEN WON.

>> スティーブンそれがビデンが勝った理由だと思います。

I THINK THAT WAS IT.

私はそれだと思います。

>> Jon: OH, SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD.

>> ジョンああ、銃声が世界中で聞こえた。

>> Stephen: IT WAS MAGIC.

>> スティーブンそれは魔法のようだ

DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC TO SET THE SCENE FOR REST OF THE SHOW, SIR?

ショーの最後を飾る音楽はありますか？

>> Jon: LET'S SEE...

>>ジョン。見てみよう...

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> スティーブンＪＯＮ ＢＡＴＩＳＴＥ

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

紳士淑女の皆さん。

THANK YOU, JON.

THANK YOU, JON.

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

>> ジョンはい、そうです。

LAY IT ON.

寝かせて

>> FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRACKING THE

>> 皆さん、ご存知の通り、私は多くの時間を費やして追跡しています。

TEMPERATURE AND FLOWERING PATTERNS OF THE MAPLE TREE OF

カエデの木の温度と開花パターン

TOPICAL STORIES SO THAT I CAN KNOW THE EXACT PEAK MOMENT TO

ピーク・モーメントを知るためのトピック・ストーリー

TAP IT WITH MY SPILE.

私のスパイルで叩いて

I CAREFULLY OBSERVE THE FLOW OF STORY SAP INTO THE BUCKET AND

I CAREFULLY OBSERVE THE FLOW OF STORY SAP INTO THE BUCKET AND

THEN TRANSFER THE INITIAL RUN TO ANOTHER STORAGE UNIT USING

を使用して、最初のランを別のストレージユニットに転送します。

CHEESECLOTH TO FILTER OUT ANY FOREIGN MATERIAL.

任意の外国の材料をフィルタリングするためのチーズクロス。

I THEN DIG A SMALL OUTDOOR FIRE PIT AND BOIL THE STORIES UNTIL

I THEN DIG A SMALL OUTDOOR FIRE PIT AND BOIL THE STORIES UNTIL

THEY ARE GOLDEN IN COLOR, BRING THEM INSIDE FOR A SECOND BOIL,

色は金色で、中に入れて2回目の沸騰のために。

WHICH I CAREFULLY MONITOR UNTIL IT REACHES 7 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT

それが7度に達するまで注意深くモニターしています。

PAST THE BOILING POINT OF WATER AT MY CURRENT ELEVATION.

現在の標高で水の沸点を超えている

THEN, THEN I REMOVE ANY SEDIMENT, FILTER IT ONE LAST

次に、私は、任意の沈殿物を削除し、それを最後にフィルタリングします。

TIME, AND TRANSFER IT TO BLOWN GLASS BOTTLES TO CREATE THE

時間をかけて、それを吹きガラスのボトルに転送して、次のようなものを作ります。

GRADE-A MAPLE NEWS SYRUP THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

GRADE-A MAPLE NEWS SYRUP THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE

BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO JUST HEAD OUTSIDE WITH A FORK

でも時々は、フォークを持って外に出たい時もあります。

AND SCRAPE SOME OF THE CRUSTED SAP OFF THE NEAREST PINE, MIX IT

一番近くの松の皮をむいて 混ぜるんだ

WITH THE SODA AND BACKWASH LEFT IN A DENTED CAN OF FANTA ON THE

ソーダと洗顔料がへこんだファンタの缶に入ったままで

COUNTER, THEN DRIZZLE IT ON YESTERDAY'S PANCAKES TO CREATE

COUNTER, THEN DRIZZLE IT ON YESTERDAY'S PANCAKES TO CREATE

THE DRIFTER'S BREAKFAST TOPPING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

THE DRIFTER'S BREAKFAST TOPPING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

"QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ART

"クァランタイン・ワイエル！"クオランタイン・ホワイエ、アート

RESTORATION IN PALENCIA, SPAIN, HAS GONE TERRIBLY AWRY.

スペインのパレンシアでの修復は、ひどくあわただしい状態になっています。

SEE THE LADY SMILING AT HER ANIMALS AND HARVEST FRUIT?

動物と果物を収穫した女性が微笑んでいるのが見えますか？

WELL, AFTER THE RESTORATION, SHE NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS:

WELL, AFTER THE RESTORATION, SHE NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS:

WHAT'S SPANISH FOR "FRYING PAN FACE?"

"パンの顔を焦がす "は何て言うの？

IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SLAPPED A BUTTER SCULPTURE ON A HOT DAY.

暑い日に誰かがバターの絵を 叩いたようなものだ

THIS SEEMS TO BE A REAL PROBLEM IN SPAIN.

これはスペインでは本当に問題になっているようです。

WE ALL REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY'S OTHER FAMOUSLY BOTCHED

WE ALL REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY'S OTHER FAMOUSLY BOTCHED

RESTORATION JOB: POTATO JESUS.

RESTORATION JOB: POTATO JESUS.

WHAT EXACTLY IS THE VETTING PROCESS FOR ART RESTORERS IN

WHAT EXACTLY IS THE VETTING PROCESS FOR ART RESTORERS IN

SPAIN?

スペイン？

"SORRY, ESTABAN, I'M AFRAID IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A MASTERS IN

"SORRY, ESTABAN, I'M AFRAID IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A MASTERS IN

FINE ART, BOTH YOUR HANDS AND EYES, AND YOU'VE SEEN THE

美術品を手と目で見たことがあるだろう

ORIGINAL PIECE.

ORIGINAL PIECE.

THAT KIND OF THING MIGHT FLY IN FRANCE, BUT WE'VE DECIDED TO GO

フランスではその手のものは 飛び交うかもしれませんが、私たちは行くことにしました

WITH AN INSANE MACAQUE HOLDING A PAINTBRUSH IN ITS TAIL."

"尻尾に絵の具ブラシを持った イカレたマカクエと"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN BAD NEWS NEWS, MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN BAD NEWS NEWS, MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE

TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID-19 ON A CRUISE SHIP IN THE CARIBBEAN.

カリブ海のクルーズ船でCOVID-19に陽性反応を示しました。

THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: "THING EVERYONE KNEW WOULD HAPPEN,

HEADLINE AGAIN: "THING EVERYONE KNEWEDOULD HAPPEN.

HAPPENS."

HAPPENS."

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, VIDEO HAS GONE

( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, VIDEO HAS GONE.

VIRAL OF A HELICOPTER CARRYING A HEART FOR A TRANSPLANT PATIENT

トランスプラント患者のために心臓を運ぶヘリコプタのバイラル

THAT CRASHED ON THE ROOF OF AN L.A. HOSPITAL.

ロスの病院の屋根に墜落したんだ

NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY HURT, AND THE HEART WAS RECOVERED FROM THE

誰も重傷を負っておらず、心臓も回復していました。

WRECKAGE AND HANDED OFF TO THIS DOCTOR, OKAY, WHO TREATED IT

損傷して この医者に渡してくれたんだ

WITH THE CARE AND CAUTION IT DESERVES-- THERE'S THE HANDOFF.

WITH THE CARE AND CAUTION IT DESERVES-- THERE'S THE HANDOFF.

HE TRIPPED LIKE A CARTOON WAITER, SPILLING THE HEART ON

♪まるで漫画の待ち人のように 飛び跳ねてハートをこぼした♪

THE HELIPAD.

THE HELIPAD.

CALM DOWN!

落ち着いて！

CALM DOWN!

落ち着いて！

EVERYONE'S FINE.

誰でも大丈夫だ

GOOD NEWS: THE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS--

GOOD NEWS: THE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS--

>> IT WAS DIRTY.

>> 汚かったんだよ。

>> Stephen: BUT IT WOULD BE FUN TO BE THAT PATIENT.

>> スティーブンでも、その患者になるのは楽しいわ。

YOU'RE GETTING AHEAD OF MY PUNCH LINE.

私のパンチラインの先を行っている。

( AS DOCTOR ) "YOUR PROCEDURE WENT GREAT,

( 医師として ) "あなたの手順は素晴らしいものでした。

THANKS TO YOUR CARDIOLOGIST, LARRY, AND HIS ATTENDINGS, MOE,

あなたの心臓病専門医、ラリーと彼の出席者、MOEに感謝します。

AND CURLY.

とカーリー。

YOU MAY HAVE SOME DISCOMFORT IN YOUR CHEST, BUT THAT'S JUST THE

YOU MAY HAVE SOME DISCOMFORT IN YOUR CHEST, BUT THAT'S JUST THE

WET LEAVES AND HELICOPTER FUEL."

"濡れた葉っぱとヘリコプタ燃料"

CAN'T ACTUALLY TALK.

話すことができない

YOU SAID ESSENTIALLY THE PUNCH LINE.

YOU SAID ESSENTIALLY THE PUNCH LINE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE IT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE IT.

( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

( LAUGHTER ) 来てくれてありがとう。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE NEWS OF

QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE NEWS OF

MODERNA'S NEW VACCINE.

MODERNAの新しいVACCINE。

AND IT TURNS OUT "DOLLY PARTON PARTLY FUNDED MODERNA'S COVID

そして「DOLLY PARTON PARTLY FUNDED MODERN'S COVID」と判明。

VACCINE RESEARCH."

VACCINE RESEARCH"

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE VACCINE ( TO TUNE OF "9 TO 5" )

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE VACCINE ( TO TUNE OF "9 TO 5" )

♪ WORKING 95 PERCENT OF THE TIME.

"95％の確率で仕事をしている

JOKE IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

ジョークは実話に基づいています。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE TWITTER WORLD IS A-TWATTING OVER THE

QUARANTINE-WHILE、ツイッターの世界は、オーバーにトワッティングしています。

NEWS THAT "TWITTER JUST INTRODUCED 'FLEETS,' 'FLEETING

NEWS THAT "TWITTER JUST INTRODUCED 'FLEETS,' 'FLEETING

TWEETS' THAT DISAPPEAR FOREVER AFTER 24 HOURS," THE PERFECT

TWEETS' THAT DISAPPEAR FOREVER AFTER 24 HOURS," THE PERFECT

OPTION FOR USERS WHO FEEL REMORSE ABOUT SOMETHING THEY

自分のしたことに後悔している人のためのオプション

POSTED."

POSTED.

JUST WHAT TWITTER NEEDS: PEOPLE SAYING THINGS TOO AWFUL TO

JUST WHAT TWITTER NEEDS: PEOPLE SAYING THINGS TOO AWFUL TO

REMAIN ON TWITTER.

REMAIN ON TWITTER.

NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT ENTHUSED ABOUT THE IDEA OF FLEETS, DON'T

艦隊の概念に興味がないならやめてくれ

WORRY, BECAUSE TWITTER SAYS ITS MAIN "GLOBAL TOWN SQUARE"

WORRY, BECAUSE TWITTER SAYS ITS MAIN "GLOBAL TOWN SQUARE"

SERVICE REMAINS ITS MARQUEE PRODUCT.

SERVICE REMAINS ITS MARQUEE PRODUCT.

REALLY?

本当に？

I GOT TO SAY, TWITTER MAKES FOR A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN SQUARE.

I GOT TO SAY, TWITTER MAKES FOR A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN SQUARE.

"HEAR YE!

"HEAR YE!

HEAR YE!

聞くんだ！

( BELL RINGING ) TOASTER STRUDELS ARE BETTER THAN

( BELL RINGING ) TOASTER STRUDELS ARE BETTER THAN

POP TARTS.

POP TARTSです。

AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES IS A LIBERAL CUCK.

否定する者は誰でも リベラルなクソ野郎だ

AND NOW, ENJOY A PICTURE OF MY BUTT."

AND NOW, ENJOY A PICTURE OF MY BUTT."

( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS DAMN LOUD.

( LAUGHTER ) それはうるさい。

YOU CAN TALK ANY TIME YOU WANT DURING THIS.

この間、いつでも好きな時に話すことができます。

I APOLOGIZE.

と謝罪。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, CBS NEW YORK JUST BROKE THIS STORY RIGHT HERE

QUARANTINE-WHILE, CBS NEW YORK JUST BROKE THIS STORY RIGHT HERE

IN THE BIG APPLE.

IN THE BIG APPLE.

>> ANOTHER ILLEGAL GATHERING IS BUSTED IN NEW YORK CITY.

>> ニューヨーク市で別の違法な集会が逮捕された。

THIS TIME, INVESTIGATORS SAY A SO-CALLED FIGHT CLUB WAS

"このチームは" "諜報員が言うには" "いわゆる" "ファイトクラブだったと

OPERATING INSIDE OF A CROWDED BRONX WAREHOUSE.

密集したブロンクスの倉庫の中での運営。

>> Stephen: WELL, IT MAKES SENSE THAT THIS GOT OUT.

>> スティーブンまあ、それはこれがアウトになったことを意味しています。

IT'S JUST LIKE TYLER DURDEN SAYS:

タイラー・ダーデンの言う通りだ

>> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS:

>> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS:

TELL CBS NEWS ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

TELL CBS NEWS ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT THE FIGHTING

( LAUGHTER ) >> スティーブン。しかし、戦いは

ISN'T EVEN WHAT WILL SHOCK YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AT

ISN'T EVEN WHAT WILL SHOCK YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AT

FIGHT CLUB.

FIGHT CLUB.

>> INVESTIGATORS SAY THEY FOUND TWO HANDGUNS, DRUGS, AND

>> 調査員は2丁の拳銃と麻薬を発見したと言っています

UNLICENSED ALCOHOL.

無許可のアルコール。

THEY ALSO SAY VERY FEW PEOPLE WERE WEARING MASKS.

また、ほとんどの人がマスクをつけていないとも言っています。

>> Stephen: PLEASE, EVERYONE.

>> スティーブン皆さん、お願いします。

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WEAR A MASK WHILE YOU SMASH YOUR FELLOW

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WEAR A MASK WHILE YOU SMASH YOUR FELLOW

MAN'S FACE INTO A PULPY MUSH.

MAN'S FACE INTO A PULPY MUSH.

IT'S JUST COURTESY.

IT'S JUST COURTESY.

ALSO, NO BRINGING NANA TO FIGHT CLUB.

あと、ナナはファイトクラブには連れてこないでください。

SHE'S IN A VULNERABLE GROUP.

彼女は脆弱なグループの中にいます。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, I'D LIKE TO MOVE ON TO MY ULTRA-RARE

QUARANTINE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT: "NAUGHTY POPE NEWS."

QUARANTINE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT: "NAUGHTY POPE NEWS."

( LAUGHTER ) TODAY'S NAUGHTY POPE NEWS: IT

( LAUGHTER ) TODAY'S NAUGHTY POPE NEWS.イット

APPEARS THE POPE JUST LIKED THIS PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM.

教皇はインスタグラムでこの写真を気に入ったようです。

NOW, PEOPLE HAVE POINTED OUT THAT THE POPE DOES NOT

今、人々は教皇がしないことを指摘しています。

NECESSARILY CONTROL HIS OWN INSTAGRAM FEED, BUT FRANCIS

必要に応じて彼自身のインスタグラムのフィードを制御するが、フランシス

STILL OFFERED THIS COMPELLING EXPLANATION:

STILL OFFERED THIS COMPELLING EXPLANATION:

>> (translated): MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS,

>> >> (翻訳)MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

REGARDING MY RECENT INSTAGRAM INCIDENT, I WANT TO ASSURE YOU

私のインスタグラム事件に関して、あなたを保証したい

THAT I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE.

巨乳が好きで、嘘がつけない。

YOU OTHER BROTHERS-- BY WHICH I MEAN MONKS-- CAN'T DENY, WHEN A

他の兄弟は...つまり修道士は...否定はできないが

GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR

女の子が入ってきた時には、ウエストがちっちゃくて、丸いものが入っていました。

FACE, YOU MUST EXAMINE YOUR CONSCIENCE.

フェース、あなたは自分の良心を調べなければならない。

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A LOOK AT THE VICE

>> スティーブン: WE'LL BEIGHT BACK WITH A LOOK AT THE VICE.

PRESIDENT-ELECT'S FASHION.

PRESIDENT-ELECT'S FASHION.

SORT OF.

まあね