Martina: Guys, today we're gonna be doing a donut challenge video

M: from Camden's Blue Donuts

Simon: Uhuh

M: They are a shop out of Portland

M: and the only place you can buy them outside of the USA

M: is in Japan

M: And I have had a lot of donuts in my time

M: I mean we've had a lot that we went to

M: Voodoo donuts S: Yeah

M: We went to Chicago

M: We did like tonnes of donut places

M: This is the best donut I've ever put in my mouth

S: These are amazing donuts

S: and we have here the creme brulee donut

S: and we only got one of them

S: so here's how today's gonna go

S: We have two cards

S: A donut card and a no donut card

S: We're gonna have to pick

S: Whoever picks the donut card gets their pick of the donut

S: They will NOT be allowed to eat the creme brulee donut

S: until they win two cards in a row

S: because that's so good

S: And the first person to get it right away might just

S: not feel right

M: I made up that rule

M: because I know Simon was gonna

M: go for it and not share with me S: 'Cause I- 'cause whoever gets it

S: This is the number one choice

S: This creme brulee donut, you will see when we get there

S: Dan, I think we're ready to start

M: We are ready to start...

M: but I will say one thing

S: What?

M: If I don't get a single donut today

S: Ohoho (laughs)

M: I will come straight back here

M: and eat five donuts of my choice

S: Girl- M: because it would be totally unfair

S: That's the whole point of this game

S: Like-

M: You can't tell but our hands are getting like-

S: is it firm?

S: Firm will crush your f*cking hand

S: You ain't gonna eat no donuts

M: How're you gonna eat a donut with no hands?

M: Uh (*pow*)

(*pow*) M: Uh!

S: (laughs nervously)

M: Ahhmm

S: We're gonna rock, paper, scissor

S: Loser gets to close their eyes and pick one of the cards

S: 'cause we could see through the cards and we're gonna cheat

M: 'kay you ready? S: Are you ready?

M: (intense pumped up bring it on Simon I'm gonna win breathing exercise)

M: You ready? S: Ready

S&M: Jan ken poi

S: (whispers)

S: Okay

M: Okay, so it doesn't mean anything yet S: Okay

S: Okay, Martina gets the first choice M: It doesn't mean anything yet

S: (shuffles cards intensely)

S: 'kay, what hand do you want? Left or right?

M: I want your right hand

S: You want my right hand?

M: Your right hand

S: My right hand

M: Whatever's in your right hand

S: I'm not cheating at all

M: Flip it over

S: My right hand, are you ready?

M: Yup

S: Oh no!

S: Okay, that's fine that's only- M: Mother f*cking

S: That's not the creme brulee donut M: told ya

S: That's not the creme brulee donut

S: It's not the creme brulee donut!

M: Oh my god, which one should I have?

M: Probably something limited edition

M: that Simon will never get the chance to have ever again

M: This is like- I'm sorry to do this to you but S: Uhhh

S: Uhhhh

M: You know what I'm going for?

S: What?

M: Ichigo~

S: Okay, that's fine that's not the one I M: Okay

S: had my eyes on

M: Which one did you have your eyes on?

M: The cheesecake one?

S: I'm not telling you because you're just gonna eat it next M: I guess I'll go for the cheesecake one

M: Oh my god, look at that

M: Oh, so heavy

M: Oh my wrist

M: The weight of the custard is too much to handle

M: So this here is a limited edition

M: Ichigo, strawberry and lime custard donut

M: Lime and strawberry coming together (Simon crying in the background)

M: in perfect union

M: This is also a Japanese strawberry

M: making it even more perfect if possible

(Martina noms on the delicious donut as Simon longingly looks at it)

M: Mmm

S: (clears throat)

M: Oh my god

M: Oh my god

M: Oh my god!

M: It's bright, and citrusy

M: so it's not too sweet

M: but the vanilla cream on the inside

M: has little tiny- you can see all the vanilla bean dots inside

M: and then the sweet strawberry glaze just kinda gives it a punch

M: This is the perfect donut

M: 'Cause you know I don't like things that are too sweet

M: It 's like almost like a margarita hiding on the inside

S: I can feel my hand shaking right now

S: For some reason, Martina wants to share her f*cking donut with this guy

S: It's bullsh*t (Dan and Martina laugh)

S: I still don't have any donut

M: Look at Dan, got the big puff of cream on the end Dan: (enjoys eating the delicious donut)

M: Isn't that amazing?

M: You see how I'm saying it's not too sweet?

D: (to Simon) You should try this

D: Oh no- M: Oh wait, you can't try it can you?

M: Aww? D: (audible munching noises)

M: Dan, would you not say that was a life changing donut?

D: Yeah, I would say that's maybe the best donut I've ever had

M: Yeah, that was like-

M: that might've trumped the other donuts I've had from this shop

S: I was actually feeling happy before coming here but

M: Oh I'm sorry S: now you're gonna see like an angry p*ssed off Simon

S: You- you haven't seen this side of me yet

M: He just breaks into tears so it's fine

S: I'm not gonna cry

S: That's a-

M: Okay now's your chance

S: Okay

M: Since you're the loser

M: You get to pick S: I get to pick

M: Loser Sa-i-mon S: Please

S: Tell me that there's justice in the world, okay

S: Give me your left card

(intense music)

S: Sweet baby Jesus M: (laughs)

S: I haven't spoke with you M: 8 pound 4 ounce baby Jesus

S: in a long time

M: I like the-

M: I like the grown up variety S: (laughs)

S: I really want a donut M: Rockstar Jesus

S: right now M: (laughs)

M: People are dying and starving around the world

M: Jesus is like "What's that Simon? You want a donut?"

S: Okay, are you ready?

M: Yup

M: 3, 2, 1

M: One

S: f*ck M: Ohohohohoooo

S: Oh f*ck

M: Pununununununuuuu

S: I don't wanna play this anymore

M: What should I pick?

M: Dum dum dum S: How did we agree to this?

M: This is one of their signature donuts

M: Basil Bourbon, not for children, folks

M: A beautifully,

M: magically handcrafted donut

S: Sometimes with like cheapy donuts

S: they give you the glaze on top, and you see like the bottom half has no glaze

S: like it goes all- M: All the way through

M: on a brioche style

M: donut, of fluffy magic

(Simon looks longingly at Martina eating the donut)

M: Mmmmm

M: That-

M: That is great

M: Oh!

M: The basil-

M: just gently hiding underneath the blueberry

M: Mmm

M: You got that sweet, sugary basil kick

M: without it being-

M: Oh man

S: (dying of hunger from donut deprivation)

M: Let's break this apart, and show everyone (laughs)

S: Please no, don't put any more in your mouth

S: It landed on my hand

S: What am I supposed to do?

S: What are the rules

S: of engagement in this situation?

(Simon cries as Martina laughs)

(Martina continues laughing)

D: Mmmm

D: (with a mouthful of donut) Oh my god

M: I know

D: (to Simon) You should tr-

D&M: Aww M: He can't try it

M: Sorry 'bout that

M: What's great about this donut is

M: This is not overly sweet

M: and there is a basil undertone in your mouth

M: like when you have like a rosemary cocktail

M: It's no like so much herb

M: that it's gonna taste like it's savoury

M: It's still sweet but it's just

M: magical

M: Oh my god

(sensual donut eating music)

(Simon is unhappy music)

(sensual donut eating music continues)

(Simon is unhappy music continues)

(sensual donut eating music carries on)

M: Mmm

(sensual donut eating music seems to carry on forever)

(Simon's really not a happy chappy)

(more sensual donut music)

S: This is f*cked

S: Losing two in a row

S: (clears throat)

S: I have to get the third one

S: That's- It's just math, okay?

M: But is it math?

S: This is just-

S: Okay

S: We're moving to a different location

S: this spot is cursed

S: We're gonna sit somewhere else

S: There's a bad- There's a- M: Simon, Simon Potter

M: and the cursed donut S: There's a demon juju happening here

S: Let's- let's go somewhere else

S: This is bullsh*t

M: You sure?

S: This is a hundred- Yes

M: You go scout a location S: We're gonna sit somewhere else

M: I'm gonna eat all of the um, S: I'm gonna find a location

M: Basil crumbs that are falling down S: That you can't uh-

S: This is- this is f*cked M: See you in a second then

M: Oh there's some crumbs here

M: Mmm

M: (whispers) I'm coming for you

M: (whispering) You will be mine

M: (whispering) You'll be mine

(music)

M: So just an update on what's happening in case you're joining us right now

M: Uh, if Simon doesn't win this

M: he will have no chance of ever getting the creme brulee donut

M: because I have two wins in a row

M: and if I win this one

M: I'm picking the creme brulee donut

M: Immediately

M: Immediately!

S: Okay

M: So Simon

S: Shuffle up the cards

S: Do it nice and fair

M: Do what nice and fair?

M: You're the one that's picking the wrong things S: Oh my god

M: I'm holding it like this S: Okay

M: This is my right, this is my left

S: Okay M: Simon, pick a hand

S: Please give me your

S: left hand

M: My left hand

S: Yes M: I'm not looking either so there it is

S: Okay

M: Here's mine

S: Okay

M: Tell me when you're ready

S: (clears throat)

S: If there is any justice in this world

M: No that's now how you should start that sentence

M: it's donuts

(S&M laugh)