Not those.

It was reported that there was a fire in our studio,

and here is what happened.

I was driving to work this morning and I received a call from Portia

at approximately 10am asking me if everything was OK.

I told her I had some lower back pain from working out,

and she said, "No, that's not what I'm talking about it."

And I said, "Did I leave my lunch box on the counter?"

And she said, "That's not what I'm talking about either.

Just please stop talking and I'll tell you what I'm talking about."

And then we fought for a minute. And then she told me that a PA

went up to her, she's shooting a new show for ABC

called "Better Off Ted" premiering Wednesday, March 18th at 8:30pm.

Anyway, so yeah, you should watch. It's good.

"Better Off Ted"

Anyway, so this PA came up to her and said it's all over the internet

that Ellen's studio is on fire.

And of course, I believed her because everything on the internet is true.

And so, this is what I was envisioning.

But that's not what I saw when I got to work.

What happened was some fire trucks were surrounding the studio.

A fire alarm was going off. Water was gushing out all over the street.

And suddenly people just assumed there was a fire.

And see, you know what happens when you assume,

you make an ass out of you and me. Because that's what it spells.

Look it up. Anyway, so, and the same with gossiping.

You make a goss out of sip and ping.

And the same with stir-fry.

The point is, you should never assume.

And like yesterday, I made an assumption about McSteamy,

and I was wrong. You can break it, even though it's not a bone.

Now, although, yesterday also people were assuming that I was quitting the show

to live on a farm. Not true. It was a vitious, vishous rumor.

You know what Benjamin Franklin said, "Believe none of what you hear,

and half of what you see." Or was it half of what you see and-

maybe I'm thinking of those three monkeys.

You know, hear no evil, see no evil.

I know that it's "I" before "E" except after "C".

And liquor before beer, you're in the clear.

Beer before liquor, never been sicker.

Anyway, the point is, you can see that everything is OK.

There was no fire. Here's what actually happened.

A sprinkler pipe burst, and a small portion of our studio,

right near the street flooded. So the fire department came

to check to see if there was a gas leak as well.

There wasn't a gas leak. So in conclusion,

no fire, no farm, and yes, you can break it.

Thank you for coming, and I will take your questions now.

Yes, yes. - Can you dance?

Yes I will dance, yes.

To see when Ellen is on in your town, click the When it's on Tab.