Can you break down the science of how this works?

So waited tells via my breathing that I'm learning all kinds of things.

Breathing skin conductivity hard.

Try to calm down.

All you have to do is answer questions.

Thistles.

So weird.

Is your name Hasen Minaj?

Yes.

Are you from Davis, California?

Yes.

You're doing this like the birtherism questions like, were you really born here?

Were you really born in America?

Are you nervous?

Yes.

Have you ever taken a lie detector test before?

No.

Are you ready?

No.

Let's start by talking about your life.

Okay.

Do you think your parents have a favorite child?

Yes.

Well, who is it?

100%.

So, Mom, I'm my mom's favorite child.

And I shows my dad's favorite child.

Does that hurt your feelings?

No, I love it.

You know, we all know that, like your mother's love is the thing you vie for the most, it has the most like value.

You know how, like it's like it's like USD.

Whereas a father's love is like Bitcoin.

It's just like, esoteric and like, doesn't matter who we don't even know if it matters.

So you like your mom more than your dad?

Yes, way more.

He's still in the truth.

A lot more.

Do you consider yourself a good brother now?

She always is.

Like I wish I had a sister.

She, like, repeatedly says it all the time.

Like as a kid, I was like, Sure.

And then my wife was like, You know what that means, right?

That means she didn't like you as a brother.

I think I'm okay, brother, but I could be better.

He's telling the truth when referring to your good looks.

This man, Dax Shepard called you and nine out of 10.

Does it bother you that he didn't call you a 10?

No.

I think that he was going way too high.

Do you know how you would rate him?

That's not fair.

That's not That's not a fair.

Okay.

You guys really did your research for this because you had to listen to the podcast.

I would give Dax.

I have to give a number.

The six point 57 harsh.

Wow, he's this Dax is part of a thing where in show business, there's this whole movement of, like, approachable white dudes, whereas with, like men of color.

It's like Idris Elba, Henry Golding.

Zane Malik.

You work in I t There's no middle.

You know how there's a whole class of white dudes of just like, schlubby dudes who went to high school with me but now made it in showbiz.

There's no like that.

You gotta have, like, the V taper and your abs If you're gonna be Asian and you've got to be like Daniel Dae Kim, Have you seen that photo where he flexes packs like this and he could hold the pencil?

You gotta be Daniel Dae Kim.

Ripped like you can't ever have bread or cereal.

So do you think you're better looking than Dex?

Do I think?

Yes, I'm looking at next guess.

Yes, but I will not get the same opportunities that Dax does.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Attacks.

I'm really sorry.

Your hair always looks great.

What?

You say you spend a lot of time on your hair?

No.

Is that true?

That's questionable.

I know.

Yes, Yes, I spent time.

Where have you ever cancelled plans?

Because you didn't like the way your hair looked, you know.

Come on.

Is that true?

That's questionable.

Come on, It's an unclear reading.

There we go.

If I don't do my hair, it's very straight.

And if I don't do it, it'll just immediately go into a bowl cut.

I will look like a 10 year old Korean boy.

Okay, I have to.

Like, if I if I didn't have my hair, you ever seen like those photos of, like, a shaved animal?

Right?

And you're just like, that's what a bear looks like gold.

Because I have a very small head.

It's like 70% of my appeal.

I was telling her he's telling the truth.

You got a 13 10 on your S a T?

Yes.

And you said you're not proud of that score, right?

Okay.

I was proud that I did my best, but I'm not proud of it in relation Thio, How my cousins and my sister did on the S a.

T.

If your daughter got a 13 10 would you make her retake it?

Yes, because I want the best for her.

Did your wife get a better score than you know?

Are you sure?

I'm positive?

Yes.

So you've asked Yes.

Why?

It's just an important thing.

We're both India and That's how you have to keep it real.

It's like one of the you know, it's one of the like, What's your name?

What do you do?

Do you want kids?

What you get on the CD usedto lie to your parents and tell them you were going to the library when really you were going to do stand up?

Is that the worst thing you've ever lied about?

No.

And I'm not gonna tell you the things I like about because my mom watches everything on you too.

Have you ever lied about your age?

Probably.

Yes.

What about in a job interview?

You ever lie about your professional experience?

Yes.

100%.

I've lied very it massively on my del Taco job application.

And it wasn't necessary.

Did you lie and say you were proficient in Microsoft office?

I've said that a lot.

Yes.

So during my congressional testimony, when they were questioning me, I said I was proficient at Microsoft Excel.

I'm not macros it really hard.

That is true.

I don't know if this is gonna like get me in trouble with the government, but let's move on to your career.

You were a correspondent on the Daily Show?

Yes.

Would you say you craved the approval of this man, John Stewart?

More than your own father?

100%.

Yes.

Yeah, but yeah.

Uh, boat.

But both mattered the first time My dad came to the show and visited him.

You have You have to tell his assistant advance.

Hey, family member's gonna come.

And then he came.

He came out after the show after the taping, and he saw my parents.

He's like, the Minaj is.

And then my dad just went in for the hug.

Don't.

You shouldn't do the hug.

Like should shake people's hands, came in for the hug and then gave Hem Holman's Do you still want to the Daily Show?

Now that Trevor Noah's hosting, I want that it runs in all on YouTube.

You ever lied to him and say that you watch it all the time?

I've never said Trevor.

I watch it all the time.

We don't do that like we don't watch.

Does he watch your show?

Probably not.

Have you asked.

I know.

Would be to, um I'm too sensitive.

You stated that this man, John Mulaney, has been a mentor to you.

Yes.

Do you consider him a good friend?

I consider him my friend.

I would hope that he would consider Mia Mia.

Close, Right.

You ever feel left out when he hangs out with this man, Nick Kroll?

No, they're buds, their buds from way back when?

But But if I like.

If I text John, if it takes him a long time to get back to me, I get very nervous.

Like I look up from that much.

I'm like, maybe he doesn't think I'm funny anymore.

Do you think he thinks you're funny?

I would.

I hope so.

I don't know.

He's very nice.

I don't know.

I hope so.

Him in him and Neal Brennan, I, like, really vie for their approval.

Was the White House correspondents dinner the toughest audience you've ever performed for?

Now, what was?

I've done bad rooms, like, really rough rooms at the end of the day, like it says mediocre.

And as this averages every Hilton ballroom, you've endo birthday parties there, bar mitzvahs.

You know that Hilton Ballroom.

It's a very specific ballroom where they're need jokes.

You had to cut for the White House correspondents dinner?

Yeah.

Can you tell us one.

OK, so Ben Carson was supposed to be there.

And so while the writers were looking for Ben Carson, I was writing down the jokes that we had about Ben Carson in the event that we saw him because I was like, searched this entire room.

Ben Carson is gonna be here and there like there's thousands of people here.

I'm like, Yes, I know that.

But there's only three black people here.

That's Van Jones.

That's not Ben Carson.

There's two left.

Go.

This was the joke.

I go, Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Ben Carson is here.

People say a lot of things about Ben Carson.

Some people say strange Other people say that he's bizarre, but everybody says that guy's a brain surgeon Growing up, my dad always wanted me to be a brain surgeon.

It's the toughest job tohave if you're a doctor.

But then I told my dad, What if I grow up to be like Ben Carson and he was like, Huson, maybe comedy isn't so bad after all, I really wanted to dio Jack's really bad.

That is true.

That is true.

When your show Patriot Act, you move your hands lot.

Yes, because you think you have nice hands?

No, I have very hairy ends.

I'm very fuzzy knowing how important your hands are to your brand to get manicures.

I have gone to manager before, but I don't get manicures all the time.

But I did from my nails this morning.

I think they look pretty good.

Let's talk about politics.

You interviewed this man Justin Trudeau for the Daily Show?

Yes, right?

Yes, I did.

This is I don't recognize him, though.

He looks different.

Generally, he's a little bit lighter than he usually is.

How do jokes translate?

It's just a baseline reading.

Okay, I look more like Justin Trudeau than this mode of Justin Trudeau.

Looks like Justin Trudeau.

Do you think politicians should be held accountable for the mistakes they made years ago?

Yes, they're very powerful.

Politicians have the ability to sign pieces of paper that can send thousands of people to war and cost millions of lives.

So when it comes to a targeted criticism from their constituents, I think that's fair.

Should comedians be held accountable?

I think to me the two things that need to be adjudicated there are intent versus impact.

So for me is a comedian that has done a lot of bad jokes to get to great jokes.

Good jokes.

And those jokes continue to get better.

I defend all jokes because I know how hard it is to get the great ones.

Just like music and movies.

You gotta have some bad ones to get great ones.

Creed exists.

So does Kendrick.