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  • You could always hear my mother explain without explaining that I was

  • adopted so for example

  • we go to the doctor and ten years old

  • when others there to see the doctor not me and with her

  • and he says to me how come you don't look like your mother

  • and i look at my mother

  • and look back at the doctor

  • and my mother says

  • all that's our little secret

  • and i'd like to turn it back

  • you know being adopted was a secret

  • and

  • so from that moment on

  • there was that cloud of

  • we don't talk about this secret

  • so the class shin so there's

  • there were some ways that she would

  • always remind me that i was adopted and treatment wise

  • at one time felt so disengage very emotionally as a mother that was a young

  • child

  • not knowing i called her roots later first name

  • etc everybody else did auntie ruth and uh...

  • season in the journey is look like hand area

  • so there's always that

  • touchy subject of this is an adoption situation we don't talk about it

  • i grew up in southern california

  • they grew up in mentor

  • pericles the coast

  • you can see the ocean everyday windows

  • one other

  • is very talented woman

  • she was concentrating thinks

  • paintings

  • pottery ceramics shift starting at

  • uh... wedding

  • catering business and ventura

  • my father

  • has been electrician's

  • for southern california edison

  • man he

  • started that job on their first married and he retired from that job in nineteen

  • eighty-three

  • so they treated me

  • the only way they knew how to parent

  • good things about things i think that the curiosity

  • that you mentioned

  • really kicked in at age eleven i remember my mother sitting on her bed

  • and i guess hearn that had a fighter something and uh...

  • she just are crying

  • and i'd felt that i have i head deep compassion for her so i'd loved her

  • and that little voice in my head you know my soul to said she's using you

  • know

  • she's using your minute down

  • through that

  • that spiritual that little voice

  • you need to leave

  • it's not the healthiest place for him

  • sun nineteen seventy-six i'd go back to california for a visit

  • was living in utah at the time

  • and my mother went

  • and got out of the closet

  • her special paperwork that she kept on ice

  • which was the petition of adoption in a medical document should my mother's

  • signature my biological mother signature on it

  • and so they write very good for maintaining would still be a morass

  • sold then i had a name so from that

  • for the next

  • umpteen years next twenty years

  • i was always searching in the same

  • loneliness it just would never leave

  • for a functional family or a mother for mafia not a mother but my mother

  • when i got married

  • answered searching more silence search intermittently

  • searches with resurface at certain intervals loneliness was the biggest one

  • uh... might get lonely

  • the state

  • he's emptiness that they could satisfy even i had

  • has been uh... me monthly installments

  • at three wonderful children

  • so it just would evan flow

  • all tied into loneliness continously could never feel that

  • so it's a point when i found

  • i was twenty years old

  • for whatever reason that they i sat down

  • and i read the newspaper and by that everyone in the newspaper not just

  • picture two picture two headlines that headline and subtitles

  • i literally went through and i read every word that newspapers has saved it

  • but it didn't

  • somewhere back in the community section

  • i found this little itty-bitty wine and cheese when interests at stake

  • and it said the search triad

  • and it was just if you know if you look if you're separated by eod bam divorce

  • saurabh foster care

  • or adoption contact in his number

  • that one in chat

  • is what got me started

  • there which is what they did is they try to find another first

  • and because that was produced nothing then they go after the mail main if

  • there's one and i had my brother's name on his mind identifying information

  • confirmed there i called him

  • talk to his fiance

  • slim mitigating phone number of of an uncle

  • and he talked to maintain keep falling on my mother was misusing mental

  • institution california

  • and that the never faced

  • so that's how i met my mother

  • it was very surreal

  • it was not likely you'd expect comforting

  • a bit discomfort ng

  • uh...

  • and i say that because

  • when you need a mentally ill person

  • they have boundaries two sitting in a wheelchair unite came up from behind it

  • was my brother in industry slowing in sweden trying

  • uh... himself

  • by just sat down on this little brick wall that's not right next to her

  • so from that moment

  • i was happy but i knew

  • inside i was very calm

  • there is very respectful and canine didn't think she is mentally ill all

  • she was funny she was articulate

  • sheeting journal ourselves you know she let go she's just an old woman sitting

  • in a wheelchair and i think she was happy

  • she was the jolly is

  • old lady that ever met init when we went away from that meeting

  • likening my husband

  • you know it was like she is happy she is happy than your adoptive mom and nine

  • other my dr mun had everything in the world that she would need

  • and she was not happy

  • whistle sylvia

  • who lived on the streets for twenty years

  • had these two children had sent them away to live with an uncle padmini gave

  • me out

  • this is a happy when not that she was happy about those things

  • but she knew how to live in a moment and that's what made her happy

  • dot

  • tennis shoes yesterday cuz

  • it was on the induction paperwork on that there were two children and adults

  • or nearby

  • seen by seven years and he may nine years

  • and the arpa wendell who had made contact with on the phone

  • told me about lord james she's also a mental institution

  • but in a separate facilities

  • for whatever reason

  • something happens and

  • uh... i don't know the event but i think what happened was that she

  • what came home stone on something

  • she's calling on the floor like a dog threatening another

  • saying he should be afraid of me

  • solicitous of his home at the time

  • it's also the call the cops

  • pop singer

  • i think she got into the mental institution

  • system in california is never left

  • just gross

  • religions

  • has a meeting laura jane was just

  • possibly take

  • i wasn't prepared

  • victim to meeting with laura jean

  • i was prepared

  • you don't study for this kind of thing

  • it was a joy to be able to communicate with her

  • so we went to leave at least for hours and i gave her a big hug goodbye

  • purchases okay a one you know and she runs over to her little brick wall and

  • sits down and then she starts

  • doing this dislike recently spent

  • and so i just i walked by i start to get emotional

  • because i've always wanted a sister hollings

  • and i was one of the older sister because i wanted some of the rescue me

  • and

  • she couldn't do that for me

  • but i can do something for her

  • slow

  • time walking out and getting a lot of the sinking

  • i'm walking out of this double gated compound

  • here's a hundred three residents

  • i'm overwhelmed

  • with what these two days of rotten in my life

  • and

  • just as i'm not ready to hit the gate

  • she jumps up

  • runs overtraining in his name big kiss big hug

  • salim breaks

  • and i can tell you something that was really

  • or someone on there

  • it was my sister

  • so here i am

  • i have a mentally ill mother

  • i have a normal brother

  • and i have two sisters and i always wanted

  • so it's like

  • survive might do with this

  • you know controlled by process of but as i walked out those dates

  • dot

  • on a new

  • with an instant

  • that if i had been left in there

  • i would not be alive today

  • telling you that bennett age forty three

  • and it's not one of those

  • storage a makeup in your head in

  • you because a lot of books i've read a review on site another novel reader

  • or as normal self help reader

  • nine new at that moment

  • beyond anything else

  • that i would have not survive in that family

  • and that's why i was adopted that's why i was put up for adoption

  • and then put into this other family

  • you know that family was complicated

  • and difficult

  • the lord new i could survive

  • and that's what he gave me took me from one

  • infamy in another and that's what i call god's safety net adoption

  • i'd

  • feel grateful very grateful

  • but i'm more grateful

  • cuz now i got to meet them

  • made me cry

  • story so huge

  • you know to share just little snippets it's it's hard

  • someday i'll write all this down and have a lot of it written down

  • but i do not sharing the story psychiatry she being able to

  • take the time to ask

  • because it's not easy subject

  • especially cuz mental illness in

  • drug use and

  • unwanted pregnancies and things like that

  • additional

  • for certain

  • that this is not a story i could have written

  • or even dreamt of

  • and my entire life is an adoptee

  • could have never fathom

  • that this would be the result

  • what god has given me

  • and

  • i know without a shadow of a doubt

  • that god is in everybody's life

  • and he guides our paths

  • and

  • it's amazing

  • where the staff has taken me

  • and i'm so grateful for it

You could always hear my mother explain without explaining that I was

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A2 初級

母のために - 短い養子縁組のドキュメンタリー (For Want of A Mother - A Short Adoption Documentary)

  • 75 4
    阿多賓 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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