Prince Harry and Madge Markle

aren't welcome in Canada

because it's unconstitutional for them to live there.

In Canada's defense, it's the first time

anyone's ever wanted to go there on purpose.

-COOPERMAN: Oh! -What? No, it's not.

We love Canada.

-It's a big crowd... -How dare you?

-No, I love Canada. Uh... -You do?

-Yeah, I... Yeah. -What's your favorite city?

Uh, Grand Forks. All right.

So, listen, to put this in perspective,

they let all the draft dodgers in,

but this is where they draw the line.

-Not these two. -BRANUM: Yeah. This is...

This is the best thing that's ever happened to Canada.

After this, they're gonna have two royals and one black person.

(laughter)

Canada doesn't need any more, like...

They don't need out of work actresses.

That's what Los Angeles is for.

If your grandmother is on the money,

-don't you get a free everything there? -BRANUM: Yes.

It's like, "This is my grandma."

-Oh, is she on the money up there? -Yeah.

It's not a different queen. Uh...

(laughter)

It's RuPaul.

-It's not the queen of Canada. -So it's the same one?

It's the same one. They... Yeah, they're on there.

Meghan Markle is smarter than everyone.

Like, everyone who becomes famous moves out of Canada.

Drake. Ryan Reynolds. All of Sum 41. They leave.

She's the only one going to Canada.

She's the only person left in the room.

-Now, that's smart. -Yeah.

And it has worked out for Sum 41,

'cause they are still cranking out the hits.

-SPADE: They are. -They are talents.

No, this is a... I think it's a trick.

Here's my angle, because she wants to live in L.A.,

and they say, "We'll go to Canada,"

but they know they're not allowed in Canada.

So they go, "We're already over here.

"We'll just get an Airbnb down in L.A.

"And then I'll go take my old cold reading class.

He can go to Disneyland and be a prince."

-COOPERMAN: Yes. -And then... Then they're here.

And it's like, "It's not even our fault."

-McHALE: Yeah. -Smart. -COOPERMAN: Right.

That's better than everything I've heard.

Okay, good. I offered them money

to-to come to the show, and I even said,

"I'll give you money if you drive by and beep."

And then I heard beeps yesterday,

but this is who it was.

-(laughter) -That's... I should still give her...

-Oh, by the way... -That's, uh, Darth Vader with a mask, yes?

I guess that's the queen. I'm putting it all together now.

But by the way, we have...

-Why is she wearing oven mitts? -She's wearing mittens?

Is she working for...

-Is she working for Lyft? -SPADE: She does Uber.

-No. You're right, Lyft. -Without heat?

-She has thyroid issues, Guy, okay? -SPADE: We... Yeah, Guy.

She's sensitive to body temperature.

We have a royal insider, guys,

and that's our new correspondent

and friend of the show, Chris Franjola. Chris?

-(cheering and applause) -Hello.

-Hello, everyone. -Chris, thanks for listening

to all of our shit. So, how's it going?

Where are you right now?

Uh, I'm at a Hilton Garden Inn in Des Moines, Iowa.

SPADE: Okay. Road gig.

It's going great!

-So, Chris... -Congrats!

You're kind of a regular guy.

I'm surprised you're into this stuff.

What makes you think you're qualified

to talk about the royals?

Well, I used to work at a restaurant

-with Meghan Markle 17 years ago on Sunset Boulevard. -No!

-Yeah! -So we're pretty good friends.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah, almost two years.

I folded napkins with her,

so I feel like we're pretty tight.

Hey, listen, that's all we need.

So, uh, that was the Mirabelle on Sunset, which is...

Mirabelle on Sunset, yeah.

We went up to Saddle Ranch one night, rode the bull.

So I know what she likes.

(laughs): I love it.

-Rode the mechanical bull. -She...

-That's the re... -She got on the bull?

That's one of the reasons she left, I think,

is 'cause she wants to wear jeans again.

You know, like, a boyfriend jean rolled up.

A nice, white cotton shirt.

Not wool leggings and feathered hats.

I don't think that's what she wants.

She's a Saddle Ranch gal?

-Yeah, she's a Saddle Ranch gal. -SPADE: That's hilarious.

Did she... Did she actually ride the mechanical bull?

-Uh, she did. Yeah, she got on the mechanical bull once. -Wow.

Yeah, it was pretty fun. David, I don't know if you noticed.

They made me cover the artwork in the back here.

-(laughter) -SPADE: Yeah.

3-With a (bleep) towel. -Don't want to have any legal issues.

-Yeah, took me all day to get that on there. -Well...

-But it's fine. -Um, can I ask him...?

Yeah. Oh, he has one more question for you.

Chris, uh, it's Guy. I have a question.

-You're in Iowa right now. -Go ahead.

Are you canvassing for Buttigieg?

(laughs) Yes, that's right.

I canvased that painting, then I canvassed for Buttigieg.

(laughter)

I like those. They give you a towel. That's great.

-All right, buddy, thank you. -Yeah.

And we're gonna hit you all the time for this.

Yeah, Meghan and I will see you

-over at the Soho House later, David. -Okay, thank you.