Dan: And I'm Dan.

Vanessa: My husband, who is also going to be giving another perspective in today's conversation.

Today we're bringing you an amazing, long, English conversation, so prepare your ears,

prepare your mind.

We're going to be talking about 12 different topics, and hopefully providing some new expressions

and new ways to think about life.

I don't know about that, but at least some English help for you.

Dan: Yeah, it's going to get personal today, so get ready.

Vanessa: Yes.

All right, are you ready to get started?

Dan: I'm ready.

Vanessa: Let's go.

Our first topic is family, and my question is, who do you think that you're the most

like?

Dan: Who am I the most like, in appearance?

Vanessa: Yes.

Dan: Both appearance and character?

Vanessa: Yeah, both.

Dan: Okay, so appearance I look mostly like my mom, I think.

Vanessa: Okay.

Dan: I have more of her skin tone, I have her eyes.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Dan: And on her side of the family, most of the people are pretty skinny, and I'm a rather

skinny guy.

My dad's side is German, and they tend to be a little bit bigger.

So yeah, I definitely got my mom's side.

But character wise, I think I'm a little more like my dad.

Would you agree?

Vanessa: Yeah, I'd say you have shades of your dad.

Dan: You know me so well, so you can answer this, too.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Yeah, I think you have shades of your dad.

Yeah.

Dan: Shades, yeah.

I think I'm more silly than my dad, that's not very hard because my dad is pretty serious.

Vanessa: Ah, he's got a silly side though.

Dan: He does, yeah.

But for the most part, I think I'm more like my dad because he has a very calm demeanor,

he's very patient, and he doesn't get stressed about anything.

And actually, my dad gets so unstressed about everything, I can't even understand it.

I'm like, "How are you so calm right now?"

And everybody I know thinks that I'm the most stress free person they know.

Vanessa: But your dad is even more stress free.

Dan: Yeah, but we're similar, like growing up when my parents would be going somewhere,

and needing to get out of the house, me and my dad would be the last one out of the house

every single time.

Then we would be like, "What?

We'll make it.

We'll be okay.

No problem."

Vanessa: And your mom, and brother, and sister were saying, "Come on, hurry."

Dan: And my mom is like, "Ah, let's go."

My mom is much more high stress, anxious kind of personality.

Vanessa: That's kind of a typical family situation, I think.

Dan: Yeah, how about you?

Vanessa: I think I have both my parents in me as well.

I think I look a lot like my mom.

Dan: Yeah, she looks exactly like her mom, though, like to a T.

Vanessa: Sometimes when I see pictures of myself, and then I look at a picture of her

at the same age, I think, "Whoa.

We look really similar."

And she looks a lot like her mom, so I can kind of imagine what I'll look like when I'm

getting older.

Dan: Yeah.

I mean, you have darker hair, and darker features.

You got that from your dad.

Vanessa: Yeah, somewhat.

But I think a lot of my features are similar to my mom.

But I think I also got my facial expressions from my mom.

Dan: Yes.

Vanessa: A lot of comment that, "Wow, Vanessa, you have a lot of expressions."

Dan: Your mom is very expressive, just like you.

Vanessa: And I think it's true that I use a lot of expressions, but it's just natural

for me.

I do this in daily life as I'm talking about things.

And I think that I get that from my mom, sometimes I see some of her expressions and I realize,

"Oh, I do that too."

Dan: Yeah, I remember when we lived in South Korea, every single Korean person was commenting

on Vanessa's expressions.

They're like, "Your face, it's so exciting.

How are you making so many faces?"

Everybody was surprised.

Vanessa: I don't know.

Dan: I guess in Korea they don't make as many faces.

Vanessa: I don't know, maybe it's just not.

Maybe it's just an unusual trait.

I'm grateful for that, especially as a teacher, I can hopefully help to explain some different

concepts with my face as well.

But I feel like I also have parts of my dad.

My dad is a pretty rational guy.

Dan: You're rational like your dad.

Vanessa: Yeah, but I think I also have his sense of humor, sometimes a little strange

sense of humor, but we laugh at the same things, we enjoy playing games, and being competitive,

so I think that that side of me, maybe some of the character side of me, is similar to

him.

But I feel like I also have parts of my grandma.

My grandma is a go, go, go, go person.

Dan: Oh, that's true.

Yeah.

Vanessa: She never stops, and I think my biggest flaw is that I have difficulty slowing down

and relaxing, I just keep going and I think that-

Dan: That's why she's with me.

Vanessa: ... I need help relaxing.

Dan: I help her relax.

Vanessa: Yeah, so I think that my grandma's like this too, that she's always going, and

always doing things, and it's healthy to slow down every now and then.

And so, I need to do that, she probably needs to do that too sometimes.

But I don't know if I learned that from her, but maybe that's just part of my-

Dan: I think it's your personality.

Vanessa: ... DNA, my character.

Dan: Yeah, I can remember even when I first met Vanessa, she was more go, go, go than

she is now.

Vanessa: Oh, you think so?

Dan: Yeah.

More like so this thing, then the next, and the enthusiasm was always, she was like bouncing

everywhere.

Vanessa: I always have a lot of enthusiasm, that's true.

Dan: Yes, it was off the charts.

Vanessa: Yeah, so I want to know for you, who are you most like in your family?

Is it maybe your physical traits or for your character?

All right, let's go on to our second question.

The next topic is childhood.

I want to know when do you think childhood ends, and when do you become an adult?

Dan: When does childhood end?

Vanessa: This is a deep question.

Dan: Well, I don't think it can be a specific age, I think it's different for everyone.

I think it's at any point you can leave this house of your parents and live on your own,

take care of yourself, and you're not dependent on somebody else.

Like if you're living with your friends and bumming off them, you're probably not an adult

yet.

So if I had to pick an age, I'd probably say 16.

Vanessa: Oh.

Dan: Yeah, I'm saying kind of young.

Vanessa: Okay.

Dan: In an ideal world, I think a 16 year old should be ready.

Vanessa: Okay.

Okay.

I get it.

At 16 were you ready?

Dan: No, of course not.

Vanessa: Ideally.

Dan: Ideally, yeah.

I don't think our society prepares us to be ready at 16.

It prepares you to be ready at 18.

Vanessa: Or later.

Dan: Right, or later.

But you know, in an ideal world I think you could be ready at 16, but it's a kind of complicated

world now, so maybe 18 is an acceptable age.

Vanessa: I feel like, for me, I have less ideas about childhood ending and adulthood

starting that are physical.

I feel like it has more to do with making your own decisions.

There might be a lot of reasons why you have to live at home, or you have to be dependent

on someone else, but if you are making your own decisions you are not a child, you're

an adult.

And I'm sure as our children get older and become teenagers, that's going to be a little

bit harder for us to make that line for someone else, but I know for myself-

Dan: Well, this is- Vanessa: ... making more decisions.

Dan: ... assuming you are capable as a person to live on your own, of course.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Yeah, I think you can still be an adult just making your own decisions, but we still need

help from other people as adults, so there's a... it's a gray area.

Dan: Sure.

Yeah.

I would- Vanessa: Yeah, it's not so clear.

Dan: ... also add, I don't know, for myself personally, having children really makes you

an adult.

It doesn't have to be true for everyone, but I think it's easier for some people to just

kind of be really selfish, and do their own thing, and kind of live like a kid, especially

nowadays because we have so much entertainment, you could just watch TV every day.

A lot of guys I know play video games a lot, and I'm not knocking on video games but playing

video games every day is a good way to remain a child, at heart anyways.

Vanessa: Sure.

Dan: This is my opinion, it's a little judgemental, but-

Vanessa: Yeah, I think if you are a good person, and you have a child, then you feel forced

to be become an adult.

Dan: Yes.

Vanessa: There's still bad people who have kids, who remain children themselves-

Dan: That's true.

Vanessa: ... and then they're bad parents.

But I think if you're generally a good person, when you have kids, it's kind of a shock.

Dan: Yeah, well- Vanessa: Like, "Whoa, this child is so dependent

on me.

I need to be responsible.

I have to organize myself somehow."

You have to change.

Dan: ... I think being an adult, part of it is having a burden of responsibility of some

kind, whether it's a job, or your house payments, or whatever it is.

Some people add those burdens of responsibility anyways without children, but I don't know,

for me, it's just different.

Like, "This is the person I'm taking care of in my life."

People now- Vanessa: Yeah.

Dan: ... because we've got two.

Vanessa: Well, two coming up soon.

So I have a question for you, when do you think childhood ends?

When does adulthood start?

It's going to be different for every culture, too because this is a pretty cultural specific

question.

Maybe in the U.S.- Dan: Yeah, maybe you have a-

Vanessa: ... it's different than your country.

Dan: ... maybe you have a rite of passage in your country.

Vanessa: Oh, can you explain what a rite of passage is?

Because that's kind of a nuanced thing.

Dan: Yeah, a rite of passage is something that every boy or every girl does to become

an adult.

Vanessa: Oh, like some ceremony, or activity.

Dan: Yeah, like a ceremony.

Yeah, I mean, we don't really have this in the U.S., some people say college is a rite

of passage, but not...

I mean, more and more, almost everybody goes to college now.

Vanessa: A lot of people do, but- Dan: Yeah, so it kind of is, but it's a really

bad one because usually people just go, and they have parties, and they live really irresponsibly.

Vanessa: It's not a way to become a responsible adult.

Dan: Yeah, and then you do more school.

Vanessa: Ah, yes.

Dan: It's not really becoming a man.

Vanessa: Changing your life completely.

Yeah.

So I'm curious, in your country is there something that signifies, "Now you are an adult.", this

kind of rite of passage ceremony, or festivity, or party that you have.

In the U.S. we don't really have that, but I think it's kind of a cool idea that you're

celebrating- Dan: I wish we did.

Vanessa: ... this big change, going from childhood to adulthood, and it is a gray area, at least

in the U.S. it's a really gray area, so it's nice to celebrate that as parents, that your

kids are adults, hopefully.

And that as a child, "Oh, great, now I'm an adult.

Society sees me as an adult."

So I think it's kind of a cool idea, but maybe it's something we can do with our future kids.

All right, let's go onto the next topic.