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Thank you so much for coming out tonight.
I know a lot of you come to these tapings with your friends.
It's so adorable. You so cute.
Just by looking around, I can also tell that some of you have that friend that you wish was your permanently-naked friend.
Yeah, that's right.
Which is why tonight we're talking about the friend zone!
These two know what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, laugh awkwardly.
Now, if you don't know, the friend zone is when you're told someone would be lucky to date you.
By the person who will never date you.
The friend zone is that awkward limbo between dating and not dating.
And the whole time you're like "This isn't great."
"How did I get here? And why can't I leave?"
It's like Forever 21.
It's like going to a job interview and being told you have all the qualifications for the job...
... but they're going in a different direction.
And if you don't know you're in the friend zone, I'll tell you how you can know, okay?
If you're making a pact to get married if you're still single at 40, you in the friend zone.
And you're gonna drink way too much at his wedding, girl.
Wait. Where did the term "friend zone" even come from?
I heard it started with Ross and Rachel's relationship on Friends.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
But I think it goes back even further, to the Trojan War.
Right around the time Helen of Troy told King of Sparta: "Hey, I think we're just better as friends."
"Also, what's up with the giant wooden horse?"
Hey, you watch this show to laugh, but sometimes you're going to learn.
Okay? Deal with it!
Like, check this out.
This recent study revealed men are consistently overestimating women's attraction to them.
While women—I know shocker!
While women are consistently underestimating their guy friends' feelings.
So basically women are humble and men are just Drake.
I mean, seriously.
Serena, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj.
Drake has gotten sidelined harder than Lonzo Ball with the Lakers.
You know what I'm talking about?
Well, there are perks to being in the friend zone.
I mean, you get a friend!
That's someone who can teach you how to talk to women, how to listen to women.
And, more importantly, how to make women think that you're listening.
It's very important. Okay?
Besides, once you've been in the friend zone, you can't unsee what you've seen.
Think about it.
If you watched Amanda scream at a delivery man, cry during The Notebook, and steal toilet paper from a restaurant, would you still want to date her?
Me. I'm Amanda. I'm that girl.
No look, there's a part of me that thinks the whole "friend zone" thing is a myth.
The friend zone is like a strip club.
A dark place invented by men for men so they can pretend that women who don't want them do.
You liked that, didn't you?
Hashtag relatable.
Now, let me tell you a secret.
All the guys here, can I get a show of hands?
Raise your hand if you're a guy. Cheer real quickly. Cheer.
You noticed the testosterone when I said, "Cheer."
Let me tell you a little secret.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, just get into a relationship.
Because women always want what they can't have—it's true!
It's like, growing up, I always wanted a talk show, but I couldn't get one, so I started going out with YouTube and suddenly NBC was like, "Damn, she's fine as hell!"
But if you're in the friend zone, you should probably just get comfortable in there, because transitioning out of the friend zone is sort of like hosting the Oscars.
You have to wait to be asked, which could never happen.
But if it does, it could all go away when they find your old tweets.
For me, the friend zone's gotten even more confusing since I started dating girls, okay?
I've always been really into the sisterhood, but sometimes I'll meet a girl I want to date and accidentally call her "sis."
Once that happens, I've permanently quarantined myself in the friend zone.
It's like a receding hairline.
As soon as it starts, there's no turning back.
Sorry, LeBron.
I'm from Toronto. Go, Rapts.
You're probably thinking, "No way, Lilly."
"You're too smart, beautiful, and humble to be put in the friend zone."
And thank you. You have a great judge of character.
Thank you.
But believe it or not, I've had plenty of guys friend-zone me.
I know. They're crazy.
Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I get invited over to watch a movie...
... and we actually watch the whole movie.
I'm like, "Dude, I do not care what happens to Charlie and his stupid factory."
"I'm trying to get you to find my golden ticket. Okay?"
You know what I mean?
The thirst is real!



恐怖のフレンドゾーン:恋愛対象外にされたら (What to Do When You've Been Friend-Zoned)

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Estelle 2020 年 2 月 10 日 に公開    pas 翻訳    Yukiko チェック
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