- I can't believe it's about to be the new year.

- Oh, I know, this year flew by.

You have any New Year resolutions?

- I guess I got a couple,

but I feel weird making those.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's like there's stuff I wanna change,

but I don't know, it's just hard,

and I always give up.

- Yeah, exactly, same.

- How about you, ex-assassin Danny Blade

(menacing music)

- I resolve to eliminate all who have wronged me.

Each one of these names played a part

in kidnapping my beloved wife.

My goal...

To kill every single one of them,

but I just haven't gotten around to doing any of it.

- I know I mean the resolution that's the easy part right

the hard part is actually doing it!

I mean I have said I'm gonna lose weight for years.

- Ugh every year I say I'm gonna spend less money,

and every year I just spend more.

- Exactly!

Three years ago my dog was taken,

the following my daughter was taken too,

and now my wife has been taken. Three,

But I still haven't gotten around to any of it.

- Why do you think that is?

- I don't know.

I feel like I'm doing everything right.

I've studied my enemy, I know their whereabouts,

I know every single move that

they'll make before they make it.

I tell myself "Danny Blade tonight you're gonna butcher

one hundred people."

- That's a lot.

- I know!

That's why I get so overwhelmed,

I get all in my head

and I end up not killing anybody.

- Ugh Danny Blade you are sing my life

with your words right now.

- Strumming my pain.

- Its like why don't I just get my A** to the gym already?

- I always say "I'm too busy",

but last night instead of going to the warehouse

to slaughter all of the cartel

I ended up watching hours of YouTube videos

on how to sharpen knives.

- Oh my good

- My knives are plenty sharp.

I should be out there using them!

- Well you know every journey of a thousand miles

begins with a single step.

- Wow that is so powerful.

- I saw it on a poster at Pep Boys.

It might have been change you oil

every three thousand miles I don't remember.

- Still powerful.

- Either way you know your right.

We need to take it a day at a time,

you know make simple achievable goals.

- Instead of killing everyone in one night,

maybe I should set a goal to kill one person a day.

- Yeah. - There you go!

- UGHH but that would take forever!

(loud bang)

- Change is hard.

- I just wish there was a magical bullet

that I could shoot at one person and it would just

fly around and kill everyone.

- Yeah like Wanted.

- Yes I want it.

- No like the movie wanted.

- What?

- It has the bullet that your talking about.

It like get shot into a bunch of different peoples

heads all at once, like.

- I don't...

- You know what I'm talking about?

- Ummhmm

- Wanted, Wanted!

- I want it.

- Look you know what I think would do you alot of good,

changing you outlook.

- Well I did start a bullet journal.

- (both) Ohhhh!

- Each bullet is meant for a different enemy.

Seeing them labeled and organized really helps me

make sense of it all.

- That's great.

- I think that's awesome.

And you know what we should do?

We should do like regular check-ins,

you know for accountability.

- Oh my god I love that idea!

- Right!

If you need to reach me,

take this coin to the bar at the Hotel Estrella,

ask for a man named Paolo.

He'll know what to do.

- I feel like I could just give you my cell phone number.

- Too easy to track, trust the coin.

- Hey I got 4 pizzas for the cast of College Humor.

- Who ordered them?

(dramatic music)

- Uhhhhhhh

(gunshot)

(Gasp)

- [Pizza Guy] Mamma mia...

- Oh my god...

That pizza would have ruined my diet.

Thank you Danny Blade.

- That one name off the list.

This feels great.

I earned a cheat day.

- Cheat day finally, all right now we're talking!

- Lets go to Vegas.

(cheers)

- Cheat day!

- Hey it's Jess if you like College Humor,

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- There a scene where she eats a cantaloupe

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Trail that was a typo.

I don't have any trials to give away,

I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that,

I'd buy a lot land I guess ugh god.