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  • The Addams family

  • (CROWD CHEERING ON TV)

  • Oh, these conventions, they're so exciting!

  • I remember the first time I voted.

  • 1906.

  • Now, Mama, you know there was no woman suffrage in 1906.

  • That didn't stop me.

  • You're a real Addams.

  • What's all the noise?

  • The conventions, Morticia, the conventions.

  • Oh, I do wish they wouldn't shout so.

  • It keeps little Pugsley's octopus awake.

  • The poor thing's getting rings under his tentacles.

  • And my African strangler, too.

  • It just loses all desire to strangle anyone.

  • (VOLUME DECREASES)

  • Oh, thank you, Thing.

  • Dear Thing.

  • It sets such a good example for us.

  • Show-off.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Oh, I'm sorry.

  • Now, you know I don't like petty jealousies.

  • Where's Gomez?

  • He's down in the playroom hanging pictures.

  • Oh, dear. I do hope he isn't hanging the picture of Cousin Grisly

  • facing the firing squad down there.

  • It looks so right in the hall.

  • What are you doing, darling?

  • Just getting the playroom into the election spirit.

  • Is he running again?

  • No, but I thought I'd bring out the pictures of the men

  • we Addamses have supported in the past.

  • Very appropriate.

  • We really backed Landon to the hilt.

  • Yes. I must say he was a very good loser.

  • No better than Al Smith here.

  • Or Wendell Willkie.

  • Or Adlai.

  • Uncle Blight masterminded their campaigns.

  • Old "Kiss-of-Death" Blight, they called him.

  • I never quite knew why.

  • Grandpa Squint says it's an old family nickname.

  • Grandpa knew his way around the political arena, too.

  • Abe Lincoln begged him for his support.

  • But there's the man who got it.

  • Stephen Douglas.

  • Darling, with all this natural political talent,

  • shouldn't you be running for public office?

  • No, we Addamses prefer to think of ourselves as king-makers.

  • The man I've decided to throw my support to, in every way,

  • is Leonard G. Quimby.

  • Howdy, neighbor.

  • How do you do?

  • -Well, I see you've picked your man. -Yes, I have.

  • Even heard you made a substantial contribution to his campaign.

  • It's only money.

  • Good.

  • George Bass is my name.

  • Addams here.

  • Is all this yours?

  • Well, we go back to the cemetery.

  • We all do, sometime.

  • It's nice to see citizens taking an interest in the election,

  • even if they have backed the wrong man.

  • Quimby? Why, he's our insurance man.

  • Got us off the hook when my son, Pugsley,

  • accidentally blew up the garage.

  • But that's neither here nor there.

  • (STUTTERING) You're right.

  • My man promises to modernize the city,

  • put in more streetlights, drain the swamps.

  • Drain the swamps?

  • That and more.

  • Well, maybe I have been a little hasty.

  • Do you have a picture of your man?

  • Do I have a picture of my...

  • There he is, the voice of progress.

  • That's Sam L. Hilliard.

  • Why, he's an old friend.

  • I hope the L stands for Lucifer.

  • Uh, it does, it does.

  • Good. He's a fine man.

  • Last time he was around here, he went away with the shakes.

  • I wondered why.

  • Uh, overworked. Then you'll vote for him?

  • We'll do better than that.

  • We'll go out and campaign for him.

  • Wonderful! Wait till I tell Mr. Hilliard.

  • Here.

  • Welcome, fellow campaigner.

  • Sorry, Quimby.

  • You can sprinkle later, Tish.

  • Take a look at this.

  • I could have sworn he was bald.

  • My dear. That's another man.

  • That's our old friend from the School Board, Sam L. Hilliard.

  • I've changed horses in midstream.

  • That's the Addams way.

  • Of course.

  • The L stands for Lucifer.

  • Very appropriate for a politician.

  • But, darling, look at his platform.

  • "Modernize the city, put in more streetlights,

  • "drain the swamps!" Drain our lovely swamps?

  • The man's an extremist.

  • Querida mia, our swamps are safe.

  • Mr. Hilliard won't do any of those terrible things.

  • Don't you realize politicians always make extravagant promises?

  • Fortunately I can see through their little games.

  • Darling, you're so clever.

  • I'm sure Mr. Hilliard will be very happy

  • we've decided to join his campaign.

  • (EXHALES) I can just see his face.

  • No, no, no.

  • I want no part of that Addams family.

  • But they're good for a nice campaign contribution.

  • You get it.

  • Look, the public likes personal contact with the candidate,

  • you know, the old handshake, the baby kissing.

  • You've got to go over and welcome them officially.

  • I'd rather lose.

  • You may, if you don't lay your hands on some more campaign funds.

  • Seriously?

  • Seriously.

  • It's still not worth it.

  • (GOMEZ READING)

  • (GRUNTING)

  • Community pride, public service, civic duty.

  • I wonder if we're doing the right thing.

  • Don't you want to save our lovely swamps?

  • Oh, that is a good cause.

  • Besides, elections are fun.

  • We should vote more often.

  • How's this one?

  • (READING)

  • That's nice, Uncle Fester, and very original, too.

  • Yours is nice too, my dear.

  • Thank you, darling.

  • You left the R out of "friend."

  • I thought it looked better that way.

  • By Jove, it does.

  • I wonder why Mr. Hilliard hasn't called to thank us for joining his campaign.

  • Busy, no doubt. That reminds me.

  • I think I'll send Lurch over and invite Hilliard to a little strategy meeting.

  • Our candidate. Welcome.

  • Ah, Mr. Hilliard, how nice of you to join us.

  • We've been up nights just planning and planning for you.

  • What are you planning?

  • Show him the wonderful sign you painted for him.

  • "Everybody's fiend?"

  • I didn't think you'd notice.

  • Sit down, Mr. Hilliard, I'll have Lurch serve some refreshments.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Name it, Mr. Hilliard. Coffee, tea?

  • Brew?

  • Oh, no, thank you.

  • Won't you sit down, Mr. Hilliard?

  • Mrs. Addams and I would like to discuss

  • some campaign strategy with you.

  • Look, I just remembered a speaking engagement.

  • Yes, thank you.

  • Now then, what's the key to every successful political campaign?

  • Money.

  • Exactly.

  • Gomez is such a brilliant strategist.

  • She really knows me.

  • Sure, sure. Well, why don't you just

  • make out a check for, say, uh, $5,000?

  • A drop in the bucket.

  • $10,000?

  • $20,000 or nothing.

  • $20,000?

  • We insist.

  • Well, if you put it that way.

  • We do.

  • But more important than money is how it's going to be spent.

  • We have some wonderful ideas.

  • Uh, like that sign?

  • Better.

  • Well, why don't you just make out a check

  • and leave the campaigning to us.

  • But these are sure-fire strategies.

  • Number one: We wanna get our butler, Lurch, on television.

  • We feel he'll appeal to the women's vote.

  • Camera moves in. It's a close-up of Lurch.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • Lurch expresses himself on the candidacy of Sam L. Hilliard.

  • (GROANING)

  • Animal magnetism. You can't top that.

  • (GROANING)

  • Tell you what? Uh, make it $10,000.

  • Our children can appeal to the junior voters.

  • Junior voters? Kids don't vote.

  • By George, you're right.

  • Uh, how about $5,000?

  • Gomez, darling, we'll still have to let

  • the children go on television.

  • They'll be so disappointed.

  • Besides, they wrote such brilliant speeches.

  • $2,500.

  • You'll forget all about money when you hear the song

  • that Uncle Fester wrote for you.

  • A campaign song.

  • $1,000.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Uncle Fester, sing your campaign song for Mr. Hilliard.

  • Ah, this will kill you.

  • Oh, no.

  • (GONG CLANGING)

  • You...

  • To the harpsichord, Lurch, we're gonna do the song.

  • It's the kind of song that gets you right here.

  • (GROANS)

  • $500.

  • (SCRAPING)

  • (PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

  • Don't be a hog help clean up the bog

  • Vote for Sam L. Hilliard

  • He'll stick to the issue he may even kiss you

  • So vote for Sam L. Hilliard

  • Honest and fearless Sam L. is peerless

  • He's a man for always to come

  • So don't be a goat and just cast your vote

  • For the pride of our city's swamp

  • Well, what do you think?

  • I think we've got more money than we need.

  • Uncle Fester can do the song with special effects, too. He lights up.

  • Lights up?

  • (BUZZING)

  • Don't worry about the flickering.

  • We'll have him recharged.

  • (RATTLING)

  • I better go.

  • Oh, you haven't seen anything yet.

  • -Please, I-I-I'll give you a little money. -Oh, nonsense.

  • -I'm really unworthy of your support. -Twaddle.

  • I'm a grafter.

  • You mean all your campaign promises are phony?

  • As a $3 bill.

  • I got a lot of $3 bills.

  • I'm not going to do anything about the streetlights.

  • Aha.

  • The streets stay dark and gloomy.

  • Wonderful.

  • And the bogs and marshes, I'm gonna make them even boggier.

  • Capital!

  • I knew you'd appreciate my leveling with you.

  • We do! We do, Mr. Hilliard.

  • Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Our party mascot!

  • We don't need a party mascot.

  • Oh, yes, we do.

  • The Democrats have their donkey,

  • the Republicans have their elephant.

  • Guess what we have?

  • I couldn't begin to.

  • We have Kitty cat.

  • Kitty. Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

  • (GROWLING)

  • (YELLING)

  • (YELPING)

  • Don't frighten the poor dear.

  • I'll send you a letter of apology first thing in the morning.

  • Forgot your hat.

  • Keep it!