(CROWD CHEERING ON TV)

Oh, these conventions, they're so exciting!

I remember the first time I voted.

1906.

Now, Mama, you know there was no woman suffrage in 1906.

That didn't stop me.

You're a real Addams.

What's all the noise?

The conventions, Morticia, the conventions.

Oh, I do wish they wouldn't shout so.

It keeps little Pugsley's octopus awake.

The poor thing's getting rings under his tentacles.

And my African strangler, too.

It just loses all desire to strangle anyone.

(VOLUME DECREASES)

Oh, thank you, Thing.

Dear Thing.

It sets such a good example for us.

Show-off.

Uncle Fester!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Now, you know I don't like petty jealousies.

Where's Gomez?

He's down in the playroom hanging pictures.

Oh, dear. I do hope he isn't hanging the picture of Cousin Grisly

facing the firing squad down there.

It looks so right in the hall.

What are you doing, darling?

Just getting the playroom into the election spirit.

Is he running again?

No, but I thought I'd bring out the pictures of the men

we Addamses have supported in the past.

Very appropriate.

We really backed Landon to the hilt.

Yes. I must say he was a very good loser.

No better than Al Smith here.

Or Wendell Willkie.

Or Adlai.

Uncle Blight masterminded their campaigns.

Old "Kiss-of-Death" Blight, they called him.

I never quite knew why.

Grandpa Squint says it's an old family nickname.

Grandpa knew his way around the political arena, too.

Abe Lincoln begged him for his support.

But there's the man who got it.

Stephen Douglas.

Darling, with all this natural political talent,

shouldn't you be running for public office?

No, we Addamses prefer to think of ourselves as king-makers.

The man I've decided to throw my support to, in every way,

is Leonard G. Quimby.

Howdy, neighbor.

How do you do?

-Well, I see you've picked your man. -Yes, I have.

Even heard you made a substantial contribution to his campaign.

It's only money.

Good.

George Bass is my name.

Addams here.

Is all this yours?

Well, we go back to the cemetery.

We all do, sometime.

It's nice to see citizens taking an interest in the election,

even if they have backed the wrong man.

Quimby? Why, he's our insurance man.

Got us off the hook when my son, Pugsley,

accidentally blew up the garage.

But that's neither here nor there.

(STUTTERING) You're right.

My man promises to modernize the city,

put in more streetlights, drain the swamps.

Drain the swamps?

That and more.

Well, maybe I have been a little hasty.

Do you have a picture of your man?

Do I have a picture of my...

There he is, the voice of progress.

That's Sam L. Hilliard.

Why, he's an old friend.

I hope the L stands for Lucifer.

Uh, it does, it does.

Good. He's a fine man.

Last time he was around here, he went away with the shakes.

I wondered why.

Uh, overworked. Then you'll vote for him?

We'll do better than that.

We'll go out and campaign for him.

Wonderful! Wait till I tell Mr. Hilliard.

Here.

Welcome, fellow campaigner.

Sorry, Quimby.

You can sprinkle later, Tish.

Take a look at this.

I could have sworn he was bald.

My dear. That's another man.

That's our old friend from the School Board, Sam L. Hilliard.

I've changed horses in midstream.

That's the Addams way.

Of course.

The L stands for Lucifer.

Very appropriate for a politician.

But, darling, look at his platform.

"Modernize the city, put in more streetlights,

"drain the swamps!" Drain our lovely swamps?

The man's an extremist.

Querida mia, our swamps are safe.

Mr. Hilliard won't do any of those terrible things.

Don't you realize politicians always make extravagant promises?

Fortunately I can see through their little games.

Darling, you're so clever.

I'm sure Mr. Hilliard will be very happy

we've decided to join his campaign.

(EXHALES) I can just see his face.

No, no, no.

I want no part of that Addams family.

But they're good for a nice campaign contribution.

You get it.

Look, the public likes personal contact with the candidate,

you know, the old handshake, the baby kissing.

You've got to go over and welcome them officially.

I'd rather lose.

You may, if you don't lay your hands on some more campaign funds.

Seriously?

Seriously.

It's still not worth it.

(GOMEZ READING)

(GRUNTING)

Community pride, public service, civic duty.

I wonder if we're doing the right thing.

Don't you want to save our lovely swamps?

Oh, that is a good cause.

Besides, elections are fun.

We should vote more often.

How's this one?

(READING)

That's nice, Uncle Fester, and very original, too.

Yours is nice too, my dear.

Thank you, darling.

You left the R out of "friend."

I thought it looked better that way.

By Jove, it does.

I wonder why Mr. Hilliard hasn't called to thank us for joining his campaign.

Busy, no doubt. That reminds me.

I think I'll send Lurch over and invite Hilliard to a little strategy meeting.

Our candidate. Welcome.

Ah, Mr. Hilliard, how nice of you to join us.

We've been up nights just planning and planning for you.

What are you planning?

Show him the wonderful sign you painted for him.

"Everybody's fiend?"

I didn't think you'd notice.

Sit down, Mr. Hilliard, I'll have Lurch serve some refreshments.

(GONG RESOUNDING)

You rang?

Name it, Mr. Hilliard. Coffee, tea?

Brew?

Oh, no, thank you.

Won't you sit down, Mr. Hilliard?

Mrs. Addams and I would like to discuss

some campaign strategy with you.

Look, I just remembered a speaking engagement.

Yes, thank you.

Now then, what's the key to every successful political campaign?

Money.

Exactly.

Gomez is such a brilliant strategist.

She really knows me.

Sure, sure. Well, why don't you just

make out a check for, say, uh, $5,000?

A drop in the bucket.

$10,000?

$20,000 or nothing.

$20,000?

We insist.

Well, if you put it that way.

We do.

But more important than money is how it's going to be spent.

We have some wonderful ideas.

Uh, like that sign?

Better.

Well, why don't you just make out a check

and leave the campaigning to us.

But these are sure-fire strategies.

Number one: We wanna get our butler, Lurch, on television.

We feel he'll appeal to the women's vote.

Camera moves in. It's a close-up of Lurch.

(GONG RESOUNDING)

Lurch expresses himself on the candidacy of Sam L. Hilliard.

(GROANING)

Animal magnetism. You can't top that.

(GROANING)

Tell you what? Uh, make it $10,000.

Our children can appeal to the junior voters.

Junior voters? Kids don't vote.

By George, you're right.

Uh, how about $5,000?

Gomez, darling, we'll still have to let

the children go on television.

They'll be so disappointed.

Besides, they wrote such brilliant speeches.

$2,500.

You'll forget all about money when you hear the song

that Uncle Fester wrote for you.

A campaign song.

$1,000.

Uncle Fester!

Uncle Fester, sing your campaign song for Mr. Hilliard.

Ah, this will kill you.

Oh, no.

(GONG CLANGING)

You...

To the harpsichord, Lurch, we're gonna do the song.

It's the kind of song that gets you right here.

(GROANS)

$500.

(SCRAPING)

(PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

♪ Don't be a hog help clean up the bog

♪ Vote for Sam L. Hilliard

♪ He'll stick to the issue he may even kiss you

♪ So vote for Sam L. Hilliard

♪ Honest and fearless Sam L. is peerless

♪ He's a man for always to come

♪ So don't be a goat and just cast your vote

♪ For the pride of our city's swamp ♪

Well, what do you think?

I think we've got more money than we need.

Uncle Fester can do the song with special effects, too. He lights up.

Lights up?

(BUZZING)

Don't worry about the flickering.

We'll have him recharged.

(RATTLING)

I better go.

Oh, you haven't seen anything yet.

-Please, I-I-I'll give you a little money. -Oh, nonsense.

-I'm really unworthy of your support. -Twaddle.

I'm a grafter.

You mean all your campaign promises are phony?

As a $3 bill.

I got a lot of $3 bills.

I'm not going to do anything about the streetlights.

Aha.

The streets stay dark and gloomy.

Wonderful.

And the bogs and marshes, I'm gonna make them even boggier.

Capital!

I knew you'd appreciate my leveling with you.

We do! We do, Mr. Hilliard.

Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Our party mascot!

We don't need a party mascot.

Oh, yes, we do.

The Democrats have their donkey,

the Republicans have their elephant.

Guess what we have?

I couldn't begin to.

We have Kitty cat.

Kitty. Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

(GROWLING)

(YELLING)

(YELPING)

Don't frighten the poor dear.

I'll send you a letter of apology first thing in the morning.

Forgot your hat.

Keep it!