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  • The Addams family

  • (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

  • How exciting. Look at them go!

  • This is going to be the greatest train wreck in railroad history.

  • I'm gonna switch them onto the same track. Watch!

  • Wonderful.

  • Darling, you have such a way with trains.

  • I suppose so.

  • Weren't you happy with it?

  • I thought it was your finest wreck.

  • Perhaps it was. But I've just realized,

  • if you wreck one train, you wreck them all.

  • Sometimes I almost wish they'd miss each other.

  • Gomez, what a shocking thought.

  • Maybe we've just gotten into a rut.

  • We do seem to be doing the same things over and over again.

  • Our morning stroll through the swamp.

  • Fencing across the lunch table.

  • (GROANING)

  • Darling, why don't you come and have a nice hot cup of henbane?

  • It'll soothe your nerves.

  • (BOX CREAKING)

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • Darling.

  • Thank you.

  • Darling, maybe we should take a trip somewhere.

  • Tombstone or... Or Death Valley.

  • Some fun place.

  • Perhaps.

  • Ah, good morning, darling.

  • Would you like a bite? Chew your food.

  • (GULPING)

  • No, no. Cleopatra, you'll spoil your lunch.

  • Darling, maybe we should have some people in.

  • That nice Mr. Harris.

  • He always seemed to enjoy himself here.

  • That would be pleasant, but I'm afraid Mr. Harris

  • won't have the time for us any longer.

  • Did you see the paper this morning?

  • No, darling, I haven't read the paper yet.

  • He has a new job working for the government.

  • "Foreign diplomats visiting our city.

  • "Roger L. Harris to conduct tour for VIPs."

  • There's a picture.

  • They certainly seem to be enjoying the tour.

  • Well, I--I hope you'll enjoy the places

  • we're going to see today, gentlemen.

  • We will not enjoy.

  • Frankly, Washington is quite upset about your lack of enthusiasm so far.

  • So?

  • They seem to blame me for it.

  • If I fail to give you a good impression of our country, well...

  • Well, it'll mean the axe for me.

  • Miri Haan, take note.

  • Note I take.

  • If guide fails assignment, Washington masters will chop off head.

  • Naturally.

  • No, I don't mean they'll chop my head off.

  • I mean they'll fire me.

  • And then set fire to him.

  • Destroy evidence.

  • Gentlemen, look, you, you take our language too literally.

  • For two days now your Washington masters have shown us phony tour.

  • They only show us what they want us to see.

  • You do not show us the real America.

  • The downtrodden masses slaving under bureaucratic whip.

  • We want to see the people. The real peoples!

  • Peoples.

  • All right. All right, anything you say.

  • You can see anybody you want to.

  • Good. We choose honest way. By chance.

  • We stick pin into phone book. Wherever pin strikes we go.

  • All right with me.

  • Miri Haan, phone book.

  • I'll get a pin.

  • (BOTH GRUNTING IN DISSENT)

  • We use our own pin.

  • Always.

  • (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

  • Eeny, meeny, miney, boom!

  • (GASPS)

  • What's the matter, Tish? Something wrong?

  • Oh, that's strange. I felt just as though I'd been stuck with a pin.

  • The Addams. Oh no, no, no, they're, no...

  • They're off limits.

  • (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

  • Excuse me, sir. Please don't go in there.

  • A-ha!

  • Guide begs us not to go in. Why?

  • Why?

  • Because we have found real American family, not phony bureaucratic setup.

  • That's not so.

  • And government will chop off his head for this.

  • Poor fellow.

  • Come. We go see some real Americans.

  • Look, fellows, I know where there's a dandy little bar downtown

  • with beautiful dancing girls. You'll have a ball there.

  • A-ha!

  • Miri, take note. Guide tries to bribe us but we refuse.

  • We are strong men.

  • We go later.

  • Now we go see typical American family.

  • Very interesting.

  • I take note.

  • Mrs. Addams, you have a very interesting house here.

  • I have seen nothing like it before in America.

  • Well, it's nothing out of the ordinary, but we like it.

  • MORTICIA: And I'm so glad you gentlemen could come.

  • You've brightened our day immensely.

  • Harris, it was very nice of you to bring them here.

  • Well, it wasn't my idea...

  • He was very eager for us to meet

  • average American family, is not so, Mr. Harris?

  • I keep telling you! The Addams are not an average family at all.

  • How sweet.

  • Don't be turning our heads with flattery.

  • I do wish I'd known you were coming.

  • I could've planned some sort of amusement.

  • Oh, no, please. We wish to observe everyday routine. Agreed?

  • MORTICIA: Whatever you wish.

  • Psst.

  • Our house is your house, gentlemen.

  • Mr. Haan, may I offer you a cigar?

  • Here, have one.

  • I will save for later.

  • Let's join the conversation.

  • Psst.

  • Mr. Haan, sit down.

  • Uh, Miri Haan, you're smoking.

  • Oh, no, I save for later.

  • Mr. Haan, I'm terribly sorry.

  • I should've warned you it was a live cigar.

  • I begged you not to come here in the first place.

  • Well, gentlemen, we'd better be running along.

  • I'm, I'm sure you've seen enough. And I think...

  • We send this back home to laboratory.

  • (GROWLING)

  • I had no idea it was so late.

  • If you gentlemen will excuse me,

  • it's time to go feed my plants.

  • Yes, they get pretty cranky when they're hungry.

  • Plants? Plants get hungry?

  • Cranky?

  • Well, after all, they're only human.

  • I'm quite proud of Mrs. Addams' hothouse.

  • She's raised these plants from tiny weeds.

  • Darling, would you?

  • (SIZZLING)

  • Gardening is all a matter of proper feeding.

  • And these plants just love meat.

  • Meat?

  • Especially when it's medium rare.

  • Yes, they're really meat eaters. I've seen them.

  • Especially that one. It's a regular little glutton.

  • Oh no, no, no. Cleopatra, really.

  • Mr. Harris was only joking, darling.

  • She's really a sweet little thing.

  • She's terribly young.

  • Not very S-M-A-R-T.

  • But she's learning.

  • Open up, sweetheart.

  • (SLURPING)

  • Have some more. There.

  • Yes.

  • (GULPING)

  • This is plant, not animal?

  • And it is learning?

  • (WHISPERING) She's quite slow, actually.

  • She's three years old and she can't even feed herself yet.

  • Open up, sweetheart.

  • Excuse me.

  • (SLURPING)

  • This is big thing we have discovered. Big.

  • Very big.

  • They've learnt to breed plants

  • that have the intelligence of humans.

  • And a mere woman has done this. An American woman.

  • Perhaps, uh, they have gone further than this, huh?

  • And Harris thought he could hide this from us.

  • It's all right. We will learn the truth.

  • Take notes, Miri Haan. Plenty notes.

  • Plenty notes. Plenty notes.

  • (ALARM SOUNDING)

  • Oh, the mail's in.

  • (BOX CREAKING)

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • (BOX CREAKING)

  • What is that?

  • Just your imagination.

  • Don't let him pull your leg. Thing is as real as any of us.

  • Thing, come up and meet our guests.

  • (BONE CRUNCHING)

  • Thing.

  • Now, now. Dear Thing, he doesn't know his own strength.

  • Anything exciting in the mail, dear?

  • Oh yes, lots of bills.

  • Wonderful. Will you excuse us, please?

  • Is it real?

  • Muscle and bone, with a grip like iron.

  • They have made this.

  • A hand, a single hand by itself.

  • It likes privacy.

  • This is fantastic. Take notes, Miri Haan.

  • Take notes.

  • American family has taken first step towards building robots.

  • First a plant that moves and thinks

  • and then a hand of flesh and blood.

  • This is big.

  • Very big.

  • Bigger than big.

  • I write everything down. Everything.

  • (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

  • (EXPLOSION)

  • Beautiful wreck, isn't it?

  • Beautiful wreck?

  • Beautiful wreck?

  • Oh, hello, I didn't know you were having company.

  • Oh, this is our Uncle Fester.

  • This is Mr. Klarpe and Mr. Haan.

  • Of course, you know Mr. Harris.

  • Howdy.

  • I guess this'll have to wait.

  • What'll wait, old boy?

  • Well, I was feeling a little run down

  • and I just wanted to get myself recharged.

  • Recharged?

  • Recharged?

  • It's just an expression.

  • This is an expression, too?

  • Oh, no, this is a great little pepper-upper.

  • Would you like to see it work?

  • Oh, Uncle Fester, I'm sure these gentlemen wouldn't be interested.

  • No.

  • We'd be very interested.

  • FESTER: Good.

  • Well, you'll have to crank it, Gomez.

  • He's such an exhibitionist.

  • FESTER: Oh, no. I really am run down.

  • It's just a simple little treatment to build up his energy.

  • Yes, well, you see, I, I put this little wire in my ear.

  • This little generator does the rest.

  • Go ahead, Gomez.

  • (BEEPING)

  • He really gets a charge out of this.

  • Write, write.

  • You mean he is full of electricity?

  • Believe me, believe me, they're just playing a little joke on you.

  • Joke, huh? Touch.

  • (BUZZING)

  • (SCREAMING)

  • That's a funny joke.

  • Write! Write!

  • I'm writing, I'm writing right now.

  • Stop! Stop!

  • Oh, stop it.

  • I'm sorry, Harris, but he did warn you.

  • It'll tingle for a while but then it'll wear off.

  • I feel so good now, I'm gonna go out and chase automobiles.

  • Wonderful hobby.

  • Stay away from water, Uncle Fester.

  • The last time he was recharged he took a shower

  • and blew out every fuse in the house.

  • Americans, in order to get energy...

  • Energy.

  • ...put electricity in ear.

  • Ear.

  • Like vitamins in stomach...

  • Stomach.

  • ...which we invented.

  • Which we invented.

  • That reminds me,

  • would you gentlemen care to join us in a snack?

  • Oh, no, no, really.

  • We stay.

  • Uh, we stay.

  • Excellent. I'll ring for Lurch.

  • This Lurch, is he servant?

  • Yes, he's our butler.

  • Finally, we are to meet downtrodden member

  • of the American slave class.

  • Poor, weak victim of exploitation.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • It is strong bell.

  • You rang?

  • Lunch, Lurch.

  • And, oh, yes, Lurch, a cigar, please.

  • Thank you, Lurch.

  • Uh, would you gentlemen care for a cigar?

  • Oh, no, no, no.

  • No, no, thank you.

  • Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll get Mrs. Addams.

  • Thank you, Lurch.

  • (GROANING)

  • That is poor, weak slave?

  • Miri Haan, take note.

  • Take note.

  • (CLEARS THROAT) Servant of typical American family, robot.

  • Robot.

  • Wait a minute, that's not true.

  • Is true.

  • Third stage.

  • Third stage? What are you talking about?

  • Simple. First stage plant, second stage hand,

  • final product human robot.

  • Flood labor market.

  • Flood labor market.

  • This is ridiculous. Lurch is no robot.

  • Then what is he?

  • Well, he's a...

  • (BOTH MOCKING)

  • I don't know exactly, but, but you'll never find another one like it.

  • How could be? Is typical American family.

  • Typical! I keep telling you.

  • It's the only one of its kind.

  • Please, let's get out of here.

  • Ah, still trying to hide from us truth.

  • You still trying to pull bourgeois wool over our eyes.

  • (EXCLAIMING)

  • (SLURPING)

  • I do hope you gentlemen enjoyed our modest table.

  • Was very good.

  • Most thoughtful of you to serve caviar in our honor.

  • Caviar?

  • The black fish eggs on toast. Very good.

  • Oh, you mean eye of tadpole?

  • Eye of tadpole?

  • Blue-eyed tadpole is even tastier than black-eyed tadpole

  • but it's off-season for blue-eyed tadpole.

  • Beef is good, too. Not as good as in our country, but is good.

  • Mr. Haan, that wasn't beef.

  • That's breast of alligator.

  • Alligator?

  • How about that henbane sauce? Specialty of the house.

  • Shall we repair to the living-room, gentlemen?

  • You have been marvelous hostess.

  • Thank you.

  • Very nice.

  • Very nice.

  • No sense in wasting this.

  • Tristan and Isolde love alligator.

  • Told you. Care to make a wish?

  • Mother, I finished my...

  • Oh. Company.

  • Gentlemen, this is our son, Pugsley.

  • Now, young man, what brought you racing in here so unceremoniously?

  • I've finished my disintegrator gun.

  • Well, that's nice, dear.

  • Run outside and play.

  • Would you like to see it work, sir?

  • I'm sure these gentlemen have no time to...

  • No, no, no.

  • Let's not disappoint the little fellow.

  • So you build disintegrator gun, eh?

  • That's right.

  • You mean you point disintegrator at something,

  • pull trigger, and that something disappear?

  • That's right, sir. Watch.

  • (GUN PULSING)

  • (GIBBERING)

  • You mean you, you just point it...

  • (GUN PULSING)

  • (SIGHS IN RELIEF)

  • I think you'd better play with this outside, Pugsley.

  • It's rather hard on the bric-a-brac.

  • Yes, Father.

  • Nice to have met you, sir.

  • Oh, poor Mr. Harris. Little things upset him so.

  • Very high-strung. I'll have Lurch take care of him.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Yes. Lurch, would you take Mr. Harris to the guest room?

  • He needs a bit of rest.

  • Oh, oh, please, I--I don't need anything, I...

  • Come.

  • Very hospitable.

  • Never mind that.

  • (LAUGHS)

  • The little fellow, uh, he made that gun himself?

  • He just can't keep out of mischief.

  • Remember the anti-gravity machine he made,

  • and what happened when he turned it on the postman?

  • Oh, yes, that was amusing.

  • The mailman just went floating off up in the air.

  • He really hated to come down.

  • He said the floating was so much easier on his feet.

  • He needs to rest.

  • Oh, well, be my guest.

  • I just had the whole thing sharpened.

  • Oh, no, no.

  • Or maybe you'd prefer the iron maiden?

  • These spikes will help you keep nice and still. It's very restful.

  • I don't need any rest, I'm fine.

  • Please just put me down.

  • All right. That'll be all, Lurch.

  • (GROANING)

  • You know, Mr. Harris, there is an art in relaxing.

  • Well, I'll never master it in this menagerie.

  • I almost got wiped out by a ray gun.

  • (LAUGHING)

  • That Pugsley. Such a showoff.

  • That's how we lost Cousin Creep.

  • There he was, giggling and laughing

  • and suddenly there he wasn't, still giggling and laughing.

  • It was kind of eerie.

  • But that was old Creepy.

  • He could always take a joke.

  • Well...

  • The impression those two men are getting in this house,

  • it could disrupt international relations.

  • I did think they were getting a little bored.

  • What if I was to go in and do some parlor trick?

  • I can saw a woman in half.

  • Oh no, no, no.

  • Oh, yes. It goes...

  • (IMITATES SAWING)

  • The only trouble I have is getting her together again.

  • Very strange man.

  • (SIGHS)

  • That is restful.

  • I'm very worried.

  • This is not what we expected.

  • How can you expect what is so unexpected?

  • We thought average Americans were fools.

  • Now we learn they are geniuses.

  • MIRI: Dangerous geniuses.

  • Electricity and eerie robots.

  • Ray guns built by little boys already.

  • I will make full report.

  • From now on, we must learn to respect all Americans.

  • I-I-Is not safe to, to offend these people. Is not safe.

  • Rather be friend than meet end.

  • Well, gentlemen, have you found out all you want to know

  • about us typical Americans?

  • We have.

  • Though you try hard to keep us from learning truth.

  • I was just doing my duty.

  • Now we say goodbye to our hosts.

  • Oh, yes, let's get moving.

  • (SHUSHING)

  • I just made $100,000.

  • Really? How nice.

  • Oops, just lost it again.

  • C'est la guerre.

  • Tish, when you speak French you drive me wild.

  • Excuse me, gentlemen.

  • Gomez, darling, control yourself.

  • I think perhaps we better leave.

  • Very thoughtful.

  • We wish to thank you for a most enlightening day.

  • You've brightened our day, too.

  • We were about to settle down to our everyday routine.

  • No notes.

  • Good night.

  • Good night.

  • Good night.

  • Good night.

  • You know, darling, I've been thinking.

  • The simple life is really the best.

  • You're right.

  • Uncle Fester, are you sure this'll help you get rid of your headache?

  • Keep going.

  • (MOANING)

  • That's it.

  • Good.

  • Oh, darling, you look so serene and happy when you're throwing knives.

  • Family trait.

  • (RINGING)

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • Hello, this is Mrs. Addams speaking.

  • Why, hello, Mr. Harris.

  • Really? Well, how nice of you to call.

  • Goodbye.

  • Gomez, that was that nice Mr. Harris.

  • He says our guests have cut their trip short

  • and have gone home to make a full report.

  • Well, that's too bad.

  • Oh, no. Mr. Harris says he's glad they're gone.

  • He said he overheard them talking about taking

  • Lurch with them for scientific purposes.

  • Scientific purposes.

  • The things people will do to get a good servant.

  • Most ungracious.

  • Let's not give them another thought.

  • Back to our own beautiful world.

The Addams family

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アダムス・ファミリー・ミート・ザ・VIP(フルエピソード)|MGM (The Addams Family Meet the VIP's (Full Episode) | MGM)

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    邱于嘉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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