ORE OF THE BIG NEWS INTO THE GORGEOUS WROUGHT-IRON GATE THAT 00:00:05.271 --> 00:00:06.439 align:start position:0% IS MY MONOLOGUE.

BUT SOMETIMES I LIKE TO SHOVEL UP ALL THE CASTOFF NEWS SLAG,

GRIND IT INTO A POWDER, MIX IT WITH CLINKER, GYPSUM, AND FLY

ASH, AND REFINE IT INTO BLAST FURNACE SLAG CEMENT, WHICH IS 00:00:17.950 --> 00:00:21.087 size:88% position:44% THEN POURED INTO A CAST, AND COOLED INTO THE CONVENIENCE 00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:24.824 align:start position:0% STORE PARKING BLOCK THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 00:00:24.857 --> 00:00:30.563 align:start position:0% THERE CAN'T BE TOO MUCH "MEANWHILE." 00:00:30.596 --> 00:00:33.499 size:75% position:38% IT GIVES HOPE TO PEOPLE. 00:00:33.532 --> 00:00:39.572 align:start position:0% WHILE, FOR DAYS, THE INTERNET HAS BEEN UNABLE TO GET 00:00:39.605 --> 00:00:42.975 align:start position:0% ENOUGH OF THIS VIDEO OF A PNEUMATIC TUBE SYSTEM DESIGNED 00:00:43.008 --> 00:00:45.912 align:start position:0% FOR MOVING FISH LONG DISTANCES OVER DAMS. 00:00:45.945 --> 00:00:49.515 align:start position:0% THE LINE IS ALWAYS SUPER LONG BUT THAT SALMON HAD A FAST PASS. 00:00:49.548 --> 00:00:53.753 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) THE DEVICE IS KNOWN AS "THE

SALMON CANNON," WHICH NARROWLY BEAT OUT THE "GILL GUN," "THE 00:00:55.254 --> 00:00:57.423 align:start position:0% TROUT SPOUT," "THE BASS BLASTER," AND OF COURSE, "THE 00:00:57.456 --> 00:01:00.660 align:start position:0% FLINGING NEMO." 00:01:00.693 --> 00:01:02.228 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) THE SALMON CANNON IS THE

BRAINCHILD OF A COMPANY CALLED WHOOSHH INNOVATIONS, WHICH ASKS 00:01:07.600 --> 00:01:11.571 align:start position:0% THE QUESTION: WHAT ELSE DOES WHOOSHH INNOVATIONS MAKE? 00:01:11.604 --> 00:01:13.239 align:start position:0% "ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, WE'VE GOT THE PERFECT NAME FOR THE 00:01:13.272 --> 00:01:14.140 align:start position:0% COMPANY. 00:01:14.173 --> 00:01:17.043 align:start position:0% NOW WHAT'S SOMETHING THAT GOES "WHOOSHH?" 00:01:17.076 --> 00:01:18.244 align:start position:0% NO BAD IDEAS.

SERIOUSLY, EVEN IF YOU PITCH SOME KIND OF LONG DISTANCE FISH 00:01:20.346 --> 00:01:22.315 align:start position:0% LAUNCHER, I'M IN. 00:01:22.348 --> 00:01:22.815 align:start position:0% BUT NOT THAT. 00:01:22.848 --> 00:01:27.386 align:start position:0% SOMETHING ELSE." 00:01:27.419 --> 00:01:33.593 align:start position:0% MEANWHILE, DESPITE ALL THE TIMES, THERE ARE ALSO INSPIRING 00:01:33.626 --> 00:01:36.195 align:start position:0% AND UPLIFTING STORIES OUT THERE.

AND, USUALLY, THOSE STORIES ARE ABOUT OLYMPIC GYMNAST SIMONE 00:01:37.596 --> 00:01:40.399 align:start position:0% BILES. 00:01:40.432 --> 00:01:49.742 align:start position:0% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I LIKE TO COVER THEM IN OUR 00:01:49.775 --> 00:01:50.743 align:start position:0% NEW SIMONE BILES-BASED "MEANWHILE" SUB-SEGMENT: 00:01:50.776 --> 00:01:53.546 align:start position:0% "MEANBILES." 00:01:53.579 --> 00:01:54.080 size:88% position:44% DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU. 00:01:54.113 --> 00:01:54.847 align:start position:0% I HAVE MET HER. 00:01:54.880 --> 00:01:57.450 align:start position:0% SHE'S NICE-BILES.

MEANBILES, SIMONE BILES, JUST WON HER SIXTH ALL-AROUND TITLE 00:01:59.418 --> 00:02:05.258 align:start position:0% AT THE U.S. GYMNASTICS CHAMPIONSHIP-- 00:02:05.291 --> 00:02:09.262 size:81% position:41% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN PART-- IN PART BY BEING 00:02:09.295 --> 00:02:13.499 align:start position:0% THE FIRST EVER TO LAND A TRIPLE DOUBLE. 00:02:13.532 --> 00:02:14.667 align:start position:0% TWO DOUBLES, THREE FLIPS IN COMPETITIONS.

HERE IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE. 00:02:16.602 --> 00:02:17.837 align:start position:0% YOU'VE GOT THE FLOP. 00:02:17.870 --> 00:02:19.272 align:start position:0% YOU HAVE ANOTHER FLOP. 00:02:19.305 --> 00:02:22.308 align:start position:0% THEN YOU'VE GOT ONE, TWO, THREE-- AND THERE WERE TWO FLIPS 00:02:22.341 --> 00:02:23.476 align:start position:0% IN THERE. 00:02:23.509 --> 00:02:24.577 align:start position:0% BOOM! 00:02:24.610 --> 00:02:28.614 align:start position:0% UNBELIEVABLE! 00:02:28.647 --> 00:02:29.815 align:start position:0% UNBELIEVABLE!

NO OTHER GYMNAST IN THE WORLD CAN DO THAT WITHOUT BEING SHOT 00:02:36.622 --> 00:02:38.724 align:start position:0% OUT OF A SALMON CANNON. 00:02:38.757 --> 00:02:44.830 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, J.D. SALINGER'S 00:02:44.863 --> 00:02:46.532 align:start position:0% NOVELS WILL FINALLY BE RELEASED AS E-BOOKS.

ALLOWING E-BOOKS IS A BOLD MOVE BY J.D. SALINGER'S SON, MATT 00:02:48.300 --> 00:02:49.936 align:start position:0% SALINGER.

BUT DON'T EXPECT ANY OTHER TYPES OF MEDIA, BECAUSE MATT SALINGER

MAINTAINS THAT, LIKE HIS FATHER, "HE IS FIRMLY OPPOSED TO SCREEN 00:02:55.975 --> 00:02:58.211 align:start position:0% ADAPTATIONS."

AND HE IS ALSO "NOT GOING TO RELEASE J.D. SALINGER'S WORK AS 00:03:01.213 --> 00:03:03.583 align:start position:0% AUDIOBOOKS." 00:03:03.616 --> 00:03:04.450 align:start position:0% FINE. 00:03:04.483 --> 00:03:05.585 align:start position:0% I RESPECT THAT. 00:03:05.618 --> 00:03:06.752 align:start position:0% NO MOVIES. 00:03:06.785 --> 00:03:08.221 align:start position:0% NO TV. 00:03:08.254 --> 00:03:09.389 align:start position:0% NO AUDIOBOOKS.

BUT NOTICE THAT HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT VIDEO GAMES. 00:03:12.891 --> 00:03:14.660 align:start position:0% HEAR ME OUT! 00:03:14.693 --> 00:03:16.128 align:start position:0% I'VE PUT A LITTLE SOMETHING TOGETHER THAT I THINK 00:03:16.161 --> 00:03:20.600 align:start position:0% DEMONSTRATES THE SHEER PULSE-POUNDING, BUTTON-SMASHING 00:03:20.633 --> 00:03:22.802 align:start position:0% POTENTIAL OF THE ENTIRE SALINGER OEUVRE. 00:03:22.835 --> 00:03:24.937 align:start position:0% OKAY, LEVEL ONE. 00:03:24.970 --> 00:03:26.205 size:75% position:38% YOU'RE HOLDEN CAULFIELD. 00:03:26.238 --> 00:03:28.741 size:75% position:38% YOU'RE WATCHING THE RYE. 00:03:28.774 --> 00:03:29.675 size:84% position:42% OKAY, HERE COME THOSE KIDS! 00:03:29.708 --> 00:03:31.544 align:start position:0% CATCH 'EM, HOLDEN! 00:03:31.577 --> 00:03:32.878 align:start position:0% CATCH THE KIDS! 00:03:32.911 --> 00:03:33.346 align:start position:0% CATCH 'EM IN THE RYE! 00:03:33.379 --> 00:03:34.280 align:start position:0% NO! 00:03:34.313 --> 00:03:35.748 align:start position:0% THERE ARE TOO MANY! 00:03:35.781 --> 00:03:36.382 size:75% position:38% THERE ARE TOO MANY KIDS! 00:03:36.415 --> 00:03:38.317 size:84% position:42% YOU'VE LOST YOUR INNOCENCE! 00:03:38.350 --> 00:03:40.152 size:88% position:44% YOU'VE LOST THEIR INNOCENCE. 00:03:40.185 --> 00:03:41.520 align:start position:0% AND YOU'VE WON. 00:03:41.553 --> 00:03:44.223 align:start position:0% YOU'VE WON. 00:03:44.256 --> 00:03:48.861 align:start position:0% BONUS ROUND: ASK A CAB DRIVE ( APPLAUSE )

BONUS ROUND: ASK A CAB DRIVER WHERE DUCKS GO IN THE WINTER. 00:03:53.799 --> 00:03:59.505 align:start position:0% CALL ME, MATT SALINGER, OR YOU'RE A PHONY. 00:03:59.538 --> 00:04:01.207 align:start position:0% WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JADA PINKETT-SMITH.