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  • You know, when someone has hurt you, let's say your spouse has hurt you.

  • And you're trying to forgive them.

  • And maybe they're doing something over and over and over and you're trying to forgive them.

  • I have a lot of people say to me, they'll say "Jimmy, I keep saying the words, but my heart doesn't change, I still feel wounded, I still feel angry."

  • It's very common.

  • So here's how to forgive.

  • And the first thing is you have to give the person a high value.

  • Many times when we've been hurt, sometimes we say it, but a lot of times we're just thinking...

  • They're a jerk, they're an idiot, they're a witch, whatever.

  • And we give people names, and that gives us the right to devalue them.

  • But everyone's precious in God's sight.

  • Your spouse, God is madly in love with your spouse.

  • The people that we're angry at, God's madly in love with them.

  • Doesn't mean that he approves of their behavior.

  • I'm not saying that.

  • So you have to give them a high value.

  • The other thing too is this is what Jesus said.

  • Jesus said, "bless those who curse you and pray for those who spitefully use you."

  • Well I had a person in my life.

  • I'm not a hater.

  • But I had a person in my life that had done a lot of damage to me.

  • I was probably around 29, 30 years old.

  • And this was a man, and he had done a lot of damage to me and I hated him.

  • And I didn't really try to forgive him,

  • I just hated his guts, I wanted him to die, basically.

  • And it started changing my personality.

  • And Karen told me, my wife told me one day.

  • She said, your personality's changing and it was. .

  • I felt an oppression come over me.

  • Because it was, there was just this,the anger, all of that.

  • See, the clinical definition of depression is anger turned inward.

  • When you're angry and you can't process it, it will wear your emotions out.

  • A lot of depression is just emotional exhaustion.

  • Your anger on the inside of you is like putting your body on a treadmill and finally you collapse.

  • When you're trying to process anger and you're not getting rid of it, your emotions finally will just collapse.

  • Well, it affects everyone in your life.

  • If you're a parent, it affects your children.

  • It affects everybody.

  • So Jesus said, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who despitefully use you."

  • So Karen said, your personality is changing.

  • And so one day I was praying about this man that I hated.

  • And I said, "Lord, I forgive him."

  • And the Lord said, "I want you to bless him."

  • And I thought, no, I'm not doing that now.

  • I mean, I'm not gonna go that far.

  • I'm gonna forgive him.

  • The Lord said, "you pray for him what you pray for yourself."

  • You bless him.

  • Well, I did.

  • I didn't want to.

  • And he said, and do it every day.

  • So for about 10 days I prayed for that man and blessed him.

  • I think it was around the 10th day, my hatred turned into compassion.

  • Something in my heart dissolved.

  • And no longer, when I thought about it, my blood pressure didn't go up.

  • When I saw him, I didn't have that...

  • But, I had a compassion for him and my hatred completely resolved.

  • Let me say another thing to you.

  • Ephesians four says, "be angry, but don't sin."

  • Don't let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give a foothold to the devil.

  • And the word devil is diablos, it means slander.

  • Be angry, there's nothing wrong with anger.

  • God gets angry, okay?

  • But don't sin.

  • Don't justify bad behavior.

  • A lot of marriage counseling is two people doing the wrong thing and justifying 'cause the other person's doing the wrong thing.

  • Go ahead and be angry, that's fine.

  • Own your anger.

  • But don't sin, don't let the sun go down on it.

  • See today's anger is a very manageable thing.

  • Yesterday's anger is a very bad thing.

  • Especially when you had a lot of days of unresolved anger.

  • Let me tell you my story.

  • So I forgave that guy that I hated.

  • But my wife and I fought, for the first several years of our marriage, we fought a lot.

  • And I went to bed on anger, because I would yell at her, which didn't ever work, and then I'd get quiet.

  • I'd get quiet for two or three days.

  • Not talking to her, trying to punish her.

  • That never worked either.

  • But I went to bed on anger hundreds of times.

  • And when the Bible says, if you go to bed on your anger, you give a foothold to diablos.

  • What it means is, when you go to bed on anger, the devil, what makes the devil so dangerous is he's stealthy.

  • Remember he took the form of a serpent in the garden of Eden 'cause that's his nature, he's stealthy.

  • Stealthy means this.

  • Snakes are dangerous because you don't know they're there.

  • They're camouflaged, they blend in.

  • So what the devil does is he slithers in to your unresolved anger, your bitterness, your cynicism, whatever you wanna call it.

  • Contempt.

  • He slithers in, whispers a lie to slander your spouse, or whoever you're angry at, slithers out, you don't even know he came and went.

  • But he left a lie.

  • So after three years of marriage, here's what I believed about my wife.

  • She's the problem, and I married the wrong woman.

  • Those were deeply, deeply held beliefs that I had.

  • See, I'd been counseled by the devil and didn't know it.

  • If you're a grudge holder, you've been counseled by the devil and you don't know it.

  • You have deeply held beliefs about people, your spouse, and they're not true.

  • They're not true.

  • You think they're true.

  • You try to convince other people they're true.

  • You try to convince your spouse they're true.

  • They're not true.

  • The night that our marriage was healed, here's the way I would describe it.

  • I repented for being the jerk I was.

  • And it was like scales fell off my eyes.

  • Something fell off my eyes.

  • And the instant before that, I thought, you know, I'm a good person.

  • And Karen is the problem.

  • The instant after that, I thought, you know, I'm a jerk, and I am married to the sweetest woman on earth.

  • Honestly, because now I was seeing her through the eyes of God, not through the eyes of the devil.

  • When you don't process anger properly, what's gonna happen is...

  • And if you haven't processed anger,

  • I want you to consider if there's anyone in your life that you've had a grudge against for a while.

  • What you believe about them really isn't true.

  • You're under the influence, especially in your marriage.

  • I have to guard my heart.

  • So listen.

  • So my spouse does something wrong, and I try to talk to them about it, and they won't let me talk to them about it, I've got a devil prick my heart..

  • Even if they won't interact with me, before I go to bed, I've gotta say, "Lord, I forgive 'em, and I bless 'em, I bless 'em. ."

  • See, if you can't bless a person, you haven't forgiven 'em.

  • I forgive them, I bless them, Lord, and I pray that you'll protect my heart.

  • What this means is, God will protect your heart.

  • You're gonna be walking in truth, and you're gonna be walking in love, and God can work through you now to reach your spouse.

  • This is what happened in my marriage.

  • This is why my marriage was healed,

  • my wife, rather than reacting to me,

  • she turned to God, and God used her to change me.

  • So my encouragement to you is don't let

  • unresolved anger lodge inside of you.

  • Don't become a repository for anger.

  • Process it, own it, don't sin, get rid of it,

  • and your marriage and your life will be blessed as a result.

You know, when someone has hurt you, let's say your spouse has hurt you.

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あなたの配偶者を許す方法 (How to Forgive Your Spouse)

  • 101 1
    Annie Chien に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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