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- So, Netherlands, Marion
- Hi
- Oh Hi Marion
- Hi (laughter)
So good to see you.
- Yeah, good to see you too.
- So, read the email that you sent please.
- Yes. It says, Hi Katie, I would love to know a little bit
more about manipulation. How to identify it
and what it does to me and the other person.
Lately it seems so important to me, by doing the work
I discovered that manipulation exist a lot in my life
and it started already when I was a child.
An inquiry gives lots of insights in the turnarounds
when I find where I did this,
but still I have a hard time
knowing I do the manipulation or when I'm being manipulated
and how do I manipulate me.
- Yeah - How can I recognize it, with love?
(laughter)
- So, with love, that's the key isn't it?
- Yeah - It's just noticing any time...
you're defensive.
Anytime you're defensive. - Yes
- You're manipulating.
- Okay
- It's the attempt to hold an identification,
one that you want us to see you as.
- Yes - What do you want us to believe you to be?
Anytime you feel anger, let's say anger,
irritation, that identity is being threatened.
And here's a good one.
Anytime you lie,
just the tiniest little thing.
For example, someone says,
"Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?"
And your mind says Oh my gosh, I promised someone else.
I just can't, oh but they would understand
and I don't want to go to the movies, but she's so sensitive
if I tell her no, she'll be hurt and this happens so quickly
in the head. We don't even know it's going on.
And so, we say , Oh I'd love to go to the movies with you.
What time are we going?
Sounds wonderful. Okay, so now I'm protecting an identity.
I want her to see me as a kind person so I'm a kind person.
Okay, the truth is I'm not being kind to myself.
I don't want to go to the movies. I don't even,
I don't want to go out at all. I don't even want to go
with the other person I said yes to.
(Marion mumbles yes)
- Okay, so the tiniest lie is how you manipulate
that, that
I you want to be seen as.
So...
If you ask me go to the movies
and I don't want to go, I say thank you and no.
Now this is respectful because I am not projecting you as
sensitive human being that I don't like to be with.
Maybe it's like, oh she is so sensitive,
I have to be so careful and if I say no
and we go to the movies and it's like, you made me.
You forced me. And maybe it's not what I'm thinking
but I feel it. Oh, she's so sensitive.
Its that kind of flavor.
- Yeah
- S0 if I say thank you and no.
Its respectful because I am leaving you
to whatever you're thinking and believing.
And I'm leaving me...
as who I am.
(Marion mumbles in agreement)
I am someone that doesn't want to go to the movies
and I am someone grateful for the invitation
and the opportunity to be honest.
That's what every question is for.
- Yes
- So, I'm honest and you can see me as a terrible person
or a wonderful person.
You're going to see me the way I see you. I mean,
you're going to see me the way you see me.
You're goin to believe me to be who you believe me to be
and I can never be more than that.
Either way.
This identity is at the mercy of your mind
- Yeah, I understand that, yeah.
- So it's really simple to, you know, I loved your question
it's a...
It was fun responding. You know, defensiveness,
anytime we are coming out of anger, um...
That's manipulation.
- Yeah, I also can see that I am manipulated to get love
and attention.
- Yes. So...
I manipulate, I lie to you so that you'll
love me and care about me, see me as kind,
but it's not going to feel right
- No
- Because that person you're caring about isn't me.
- Right
- You're going to the movies with someone you think is kind
and actually you're not, you're going with someone
that doesn't want to go with you.
- So in that situation I manipulate myself, right?
- Exactly
- Yes
- You're walking around as this false person
being very careful to hold that identity,
so you're not even going to the movies.
- No
- Even when your body's going.
You know, there's someone else and it's so subtle
later we can even be happy we went to the movies,
but it doesn't stop that...
ongoing false creation of...
who am I not.
- Yeah
- Within us
- Yes, thank you. I like it.
- Yeah, it's so much fun when someone says it.
How do you feel? You know, just to check yourself out
and see how do you feel?
Rather than say, Oh I feel wonderful.
And it's not right or wrong, it's just a lot of fun
to notice what comes out of your mouth.
What hits your head.
What's true and what is opposition to that truth.
Like what is true for you and what is an opposition to that.
And at first it can be...
You know, I...
I want to say yes to you because I'm afraid that you will
see me as unkind and the truth is,
I don't want to go to the movies.
- Mm-hmm
- You know and until eventually, it's just,
thank you for asking and no and it just really says it all.
I'm true to myself and then you're left respectfully with
what you're thinking and believing and I'm left the same.
- Yeah
- And what I'm thinking and believing is all I can know,
so that I have grown to respect out of just simply doing
those judge-an-abor worksheets and those four questions
and turning it around and sitting
and all of that is meditation.
- Yeah and it's fun to discover where I manipulate.
- Yes, is it, yes, you know
when the inquiring mind is,
if there's nothing more fun than that, all the guilt is gone
because the mind is so open in its transformation.
- Yes
- Thank you for your email
and thank you for our time together.
- Thank you. (laughter) Bye-bye.
- Happy Holidays
コツ:単語をクリックしてすぐ意味を調べられます!

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How to Be Grateful for the Opportunity to Be Honest

39 タグ追加 保存
Satya Lai 2019 年 8 月 30 日 に公開
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