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  • You know, I used to be terrible at talking to people.

  • - So... what do you do?

  • - I umm....

  • I do original content creation for a third-party platform

  • in which I perform monologues to camera

  • that fuse comedy and mental health awareness

  • that are then interrupted sporadically with cut-aways

  • to illustrate or negate the points that I'm making

  • within the monologueeither for comedic sake or to emphasize what I've just said.

  • - So...

  • YouTube videos ?

  • - Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

  • And in an effort to get better at that, I took improv classes...

  • - Freeze!

  • - Alright, I'm gonna stop you guys right there. Okay, this is not a gun.

  • This is a gun.

  • Okay? This is just your hand.

  • This is how we shoot a gun.

  • - Um actually... that's... that's...

  • a really.... uh...

  • bad misconception.

  • You don't wanna ever put your finger on the trigger

  • until you're actually ready to shoot.

  • Uh, for safety reasons you keep it straight along the gun.

  • *deep thud* - Oh wow

  • I... I've never used a firearm

  • and that's abundantly clear now.

  • I'm-I'm so sorry, my... uh... my entire improvisation philosophy has been built on lies.

  • Read books...

  • - Hi! Can I help you find anything?

  • - Yes, I'm just looking for a book

  • that will tell me how to like...

  • win friends...

  • and like not manipulate, but... but influence people ?

  • - Oh, by Dale Carnegie? Yeah, we have that! Follow me!

  • - OooOo

  • I made a real effort in conversations to try to ignore my own self-consciousness

  • and really put the focus on them.

  • - So...

  • Are you...

  • a...

  • Taurus ?

  • - No.

  • - [whispers] Damn it...

  • - I've been reading this amazing book lately

  • called 'How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk'

  • by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish,

  • and right off the batlike the first chapterthe authors describe

  • that there are 7 ways we respond to people that deny connection,

  • make the other person feel unheard, and are ultimately just bad ways to respond.

  • And I am guilty of all of them!

  • They are: Denying People's Feelings...

  • - Uh... it's so hot!

  • - Really ? It's like, so cold in here, I feel like I'm in Antarctica.

  • Philosophical Response...

  • - It just sucks that I got fired.

  • - Maybe the universe is telling you that this job isn't where you were meant to be.

  • Maybe rejection is divine protection.

  • - Ugh

  • Questions...

  • - I can't believe he just dumped me out of nowhere!

  • - Did you guys fight right before-hand?

  • - No, we were fine.

  • - Did he give any hints?

  • Defense Of The Other Person...

  • - Dude, my boss was being such a jerk today.

  • - Maybe she was having a bad day or something.

  • I mean, we never really know what's going on with people.

  • *sigh*

  • Pity...

  • - Oh my god you poor thing! That is just so terrible!

  • I am so sorry for you! I could just like, cry!

  • Amateur Psychoanalysis...

  • - Have you ever thought that maybe you get upset because your boss represents your mother,

  • and so when she tells you what to do it triggers your rebellion against authority ?

  • And the one I'm the biggest off ender of... *drumroll*

  • Giving Advice! -

  • - You know what you should do? Therapy.

  • Everyone

  • should be

  • IN THERAPY.

  • Though all of these responses come naturally to us in conversation,

  • ultimately, they make the person you're talking to feel worse.

  • And the authors say that the best response is

  • you guessed it

  • an empathetic one.

  • Acknowledge the other person's feelings,

  • give them a chance to really talk through what's upsetting them,

  • and... listen.

  • - Wow, that must have been so hard,

  • to be yelled at like that in front of all those people,

  • especially when you've been putting in all this extra work.

  • That must have felt, like, humiliating!

  • As kids, we're raised, and often our feelings are denied,

  • so it makes sense that as adults, our automatic responses in conversation

  • ultimately deny the feelings of others.

  • But knowing this also made me so much more aware of how often I do it

  • just every day, in like every conversation with people that I love.

  • And obviously, I want to cultivate connection and let people feel heard,

  • so now I'm making a very conscious effort

  • to make my responses empathetic in nature,

  • and it is oddly harder than you would think!

  • I'm Anna Akana, and so thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video.

  • Listening makes us smarter, more connected people,

  • and there's no better place to listen than Audible.

  • Audible members choose 3 titles every month :

  • one audiobook + two Audible Originals that you can't hear anywhere else.

  • You can go to audible.com/anna

  • or text ANNA to 500-500

  • and browse their unmatched selection of audio content.

  • So today's video is all about the book I'm currently listening to:

  • 'How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk'.

  • As you guys may know, I'm currently on this HUGE non-fiction binge,

  • specifically with books that pertain to relationships of any kind.

  • And though I don't have kids

  • and my cats cannot talk,

  • I have had so many people in the comment section recommend this book to me,

  • so thank you because it has highlighted

  • the many ways that I deny people's feelings on a daily basis,

  • and I can't change that unless I'm aware,

  • so this book has just brought so much great awareness to conversation,

  • and how I can be a better listener and acknowledger of people's valid experiences and emotions.

  • Start listening with a 30-day trial and your first audiobook plus two Audible Originals are free

  • when you go to audible.com/anna or text ANNA to 500-500.

You know, I used to be terrible at talking to people.

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B1 中級

会話を台無しにする7つの方法 (7 ways you're ruining a conversation)

  • 284 4
    李毓寧 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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