- I know you're probably not a magic wizard

trapped in an amulet, but if you are,

please get me out of this speech.

- I've asked our top point-getter, here,

to say a few words.

So, take it away, Eleanor!

[applause]

- The dictionary defines "best"

as being-- - [slurring] Oh, God, boring!

I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds.

- [whispering] Thank you, wizard.

- I am Tahani. Tahani am me.

And even though I wasn't the "number one point-getter,"

I just wanted to welcome you all to the neighborhood.

You all look so beautiful tonight,

with your regular-sized pockets and...

regular-sized soul mates.

Oh, no offense, darling, wherever you are.

Probably somewhere down there.

- Why don't you try to ease her off the stage

and take over yourself? - The point is,

we're all good people, right?

We all did the right thing whenever we could.

And that's why it's so nice to be here among you,

in this massive house that I want.

I want this house. Give it. [laughs]

No, I'm just kidding.

But really, give me the house.

- Hey there, hot stuff.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

- Get your hands off me!

Oh, you think you're better than I am,

don't you, just 'cause you're wearing that.

Look at that terrible placement and angle.

Is this your first time ever wearing a sash?

- Yeah, it is, but I think if we all just--

- Well--give it to me then! [shouts]

[guests gasping]

- I got her off the stage.