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  • (ringing)

  • Hello?

  • (Incoherent taking on other side of phone)

  • Uhh... Okay.

  • It's for you, James.

  • Hey, James. This is James from the future.

  • Just wanted you to give you a call and let you know that,

  • Puberty can be tough, but, you can get through it.

  • So I wanted to let you know that

  • everything's gonna be okay and...

  • I love you.

  • *POP*

  • You got the wrong number.

  • (hangs up)

  • I grew up in a generation where smartphones where a new thing.

  • And everyone in my class had one

  • except for me.

  • My parents never got me one because they didn't want me to access the Internet

  • on a device that could fit in my pocket

  • because they were super strict and didn't want me looking at...

  • internet stuff...

  • which backfired horribly.

  • so, they never gave me a smartphone.

  • In fact, I didn't even get my first cellphone

  • until I was 16 years old.

  • Now as an adult who uses his cellphone everyday,

  • I don't know how I survived for 16 years

  • without one.

  • I think when I was younger

  • If I was ever in a situation where I needed to call my parents

  • I would just ask the nearest person if I could borrow their phone

  • Now if there's are any parents watching this who haven't given their children a cellphone yet,

  • Take it from a guy on the internet with no children.

  • You should get them one.

  • It doesn't have to be a smart one.

  • You can just give them your standard drug dealer phone.

  • But you should at least give them a cellphone in case there's an emergency

  • and they need to call you or the police.

  • The only downside I can think of giving your child a phone is:

  • They'll end up spending TOO much time on it

  • So.. you should just turn off their service from time to time I don't know.

  • When I turned 16 and finished up my sophomore year of high school

  • I got my very first cellphone:

  • An LG Cosmos 2.

  • I didn't grow up in the 90s... Tha- everyone else had iphones

  • But I was the only one with a fli- with a phone that had a keyboard on it.

  • and with that cellphone, I've had a couple of incidentses

  • Where sometimes a random person would call me

  • Thinking I was someone else...

  • And then wouldn't admit they're wrong.

  • And that's how you segway into the theme of this month's video.

  • This first story happened when I was working at Sooubway. (Not Subway)

  • THATS RIGHT ANOTHER SOOUBWAY STORY

  • #SOOUBWAY 4. It wasn't good enough to be in the other 3.

  • So it was 5 minutes until closing and we get a phone call on the Sooubway phone.

  • I pick it up and say,

  • "UGHHHHH..Thank for calling Sooubway. How may I help you?"

  • I was supposed to say,

  • "This is James . How may I help you?"

  • But I wasn't about to tell this random stranger my name...

  • Idiot.

  • Anyway, the other person on the line said,

  • "Hey what time do you guys close?"

  • time do you guys close in five minutes is it alright if I show up late I just

  • James: "In five minutes."

  • Idiot: "Is it alright if I show up late? I just need gas."

  • And being the good employee that I was,

  • I was totally willing to make this guy's sandwich over the phone,

  • let him pick it up after we closed,

  • and then I wouldn't ring him up and just pocket the money.

  • I'm just kidding I wouldn't do that.

  • That's a crime. Please don't sue me.

  • So I said, "Yeah I can do that. What kind of sandwich do you want?"

  • And he said, "I just need gas."

  • "Oh don't worry, sir.

  • This sandwich will give you plenty of gas. I... I mean, do you want chips or something?"

  • "No." he said. "I just need gas."

  • I was a little confused.

  • "Okay, yes. So, you'll get gas, then are you gonna stop by and pick up a sandwich?"

  • And he said, "I don't want a sandwich."

  • And then it hit me.

  • Even though the first thing I ever said to this guy was:

  • "Thank you for calling Sooubway,"

  • I think he thought he was talking to a gas station.

  • So I said, "Sir, this is a Sooubway.

  • "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

  • (Hangs up)

  • And I never got the chance to tell him that gas pumps don't close.

  • This next story happened when I was at home

  • and I got a call from a number I didn't recognize

  • Now, I've had friends tell me that

  • they don't answer the phone to any number they don't recognize.

  • But my anxiety won't let me do that.

  • What if it's your bank calling saying your account got hacked?

  • What if it's your grandma 'cause why would you have her saved in your phone?

  • Or what if it's your Nigerian uncle who wants to give you his collection of gold

  • bars and needs your information for a wire transfer?

  • You just never know, so I always pick up the phone.

  • So, I answered it and it was this woman asking for a Lawrence.

  • and I said, "Oh I'm not- that- that's-

  • You have the wrong number."

  • and she goes "isn't this 416 295

  • That's obviously not a real number, so don't try calling it.

  • And I said, "No, this is four one six two nine three." 'Cause, that's my phone number.

  • Again, that's not actually a valid phone number. So, please don't call it.

  • And she goes,

  • "Three? I don't think I pressed three."

  • And, I don't know what to say to this woman.

  • because my number is four one six two nine three (it's really not) but she doesn't think

  • she pushed three so I don't know how she's talking to me right now

  • unless she did so I said "well obviously you did."

  • and then I made a comic about

  • the whole situation because I thought the internet would think it was funny.

  • This next story happened not too long ago I got a call from a number I didn't

  • recognize at 9:30 in the morning and I was lying in my bed asleep and most

  • people would agree that you're supposed to be awake and productive at 9:30 and I

  • didn't want whoever this stranger was thinking I'm lazy so I had to answer the

  • phone with my best I've-been-awake-for-several-hours voice

  • HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU

  • Hello?

  • You're going to have to come quickly. Timmy fell down the well, Vance.

  • Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  • Wuuuuuuuuuuut?

  • I said you're gonna have to come quickly cuz Timmy fell down the well, Vance.

  • I could tell it was a woman on the phone but it was either her accent or

  • the phone being buggy or I just had woken up but I could not understand

  • anything she was saying but I could make out one word which was Vance so I did

  • not have a lot to go off of I said I... think you have the wrong number

  • (Incoherent screaming) okay... goodbye

  • (Incoherent screaming) *Beep*

  • well I should probably get the day started I thought as I went back

  • to sleep but then immediately I got a call from the same number and I thought

  • okay maybe if this person is calling again

  • even after I explicitly told her she had the wrong number maybe it's not a wrong

  • number after all maybe there's something else going on

  • maybe it's an emergency so maybe mmm talk to me

  • HO-LE LO-LE HASJKDALSFHLK VANCE

  • okay I can't understand

  • anything you're saying so then this woman must have handed the phone to her

  • friend because a different voice started talking and I could actually understand

  • her and I'll never forget what she said which was Vance no one thinks that

  • you're funny and even though I'm not Vance that kind of hurt so I stated the

  • obvious which was yes I am and also I'm not Vance and she said no Lance so this

  • whole time these two have been looking for a lance so I told this woman I'm not

  • Lance either and she said

  • WELL THIS IS THE NUMBER THEY GAVE ME

  • okay if she had said it like oh I'm sorry this is

  • the number they gave me I didn't mean to call you stranger also I do think you're

  • funny and enjoy your videos then that would have been totally fine she's just

  • shifting the blame to someone else but instead she sounded so condescending

  • like I was wasting her time well this is the number they gave me and they can't

  • be wrong so you must be the real Lance so I said

  • well they must have given it to you wrong look I'm too tired to be polite.

  • But then she hung up on me like this woman just basically called a random

  • person said you're not funny and then hung up so I decided to call her back

  • and said hey I just found the real Lance he's the funniest guy I ever met and he

  • told me he doesn't give his phone number out to RUDE PIECES OF SHI- just kidding on the last

  • part I thought about doing it but then I went back to sleep I didn't do it and

  • then someone on the internet found my phone number and I changed it and

  • whoever has my old number is probably getting a lot of calls from strangers

  • and people I went to high school with sorry about that

  • hey guys I'm back I haven't done an end card in a while which should probably be

  • my next new catchphrase if you didn't know I wrote a book and you can buy it

  • buy my book but if buying things online isn't your style it's also available at

  • Barnes & Noble or any other local book store be sure to check it out in a

  • library and remember to give it back thanks for watching everyone honestly

  • thank you for being so patient I wish I didn't have to go a whole month

  • between posting but I hope this was worth the wait

  • thank you to Rushlight Invader for animating some segments if any animation

  • looked at all decent that was him doing it not me thank you to anti dark heart