I feel like if I say, I'm gonna sound really rude.

No, I know what I'm doing.

- Go ahead. It's okay. - But there's a part of me

that feels like there's a creepy side to you, that other people don't immediately recognize.

I see, okay.

Hello, my name is Derange Pitt.

Hi, I'm Madison DeCambra.

My name is Monica, I am a nanny

and a part-time bartender.

I don't, actually.

Well, a little bit, I know I'm guessing something.

No.

I have no idea.

There's some good lookin' motherfuckers up in here, though.

(laughter)

Oh shit.

Who, me?

(laughter)

Now, do I look like I'd commit a crime?

I've actually been to jail myself.

Honestly, I went for assault/domestic violence.

I came home, my fiance was with another woman,

and, kind of didn't handle it very well.

Oh, I hope nobody's offended by what I'm gonna say.

Criminal record.

Hello.

Hi. (laughs)

How are you?

Good, Alana.

So are you from here, from Seattle?

I am not, I'm from upstate New York.

Oh shit, N.Y. in the house.

(laughs)

Do you like to drink?

I do.

(everyone laughs)

I get the feeling that you're feisty,

like me a little bit.

I've been pulled over a couple of times.

Mhm, I bet.

(everyone laughs)

I bet.

I feel so rude saying if I think.

Go ahead, go ahead.

Imma say yes.

I don't think she got one,

and if she do, I doubt it was her fault.

(laughs)

What do you do for work?

I work for Boys and Girls Club.

Okay.

No, if you work for the Boys and Girls Club,

I feel like you wouldn't have a criminal record.

So Imma say no.

Imma say no.

Imma say no, that's my final answer.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

I'm Kevin.

Monica.

Are you married, not married?

I'm not married.

Girlfriend?

Girlfriend, with two kids.

Oh, okay, so kind of.

Whoa.

(laughs)

So, drinks?

(everyone laughs)

Like fraud, or stealing something, or fuckin'...

Some white-collar shit though?

Yeah, white-collar business shit.

You look like you're really cleaned up,

but that at some point maybe you were kind of ...

Dirty?

Dirty, yeah.

So I wanna say that you do.

Did you go through a lot during your childhood?

I did, yeah.

I was homeless at 16.

I'm gonna say that he has no criminal record.

Hello.

Hello.

Akuna.

So what do you for work?

I'm a private event manager.

Do you know how to defend yourself from a unworthy opponent?

I mean, if they're going against me,

they're definitely unworthy.

That's what I was lookin' for.

I'm gonna go ahead and say

that you do have a criminal record.

Just to say it.

What do you think I did?

Assault.

Assault?

Yeah.

I don't think she has a criminal record

because I don't think no one wants to fuck with her.

(everyone laughs)

Next up.

Hello.

Hi.

PJ.

Madison, nice to meet you.

(laughter)

You look like you're excited about this.

Okay, you tatted.

Alright, I see these chains.

Don't touch.

Okay, ooh.

Ooh.

What's up with the tats man?

How many you got?

A whole bunch.

Hella, huh?

Yeah.

Have you ever been in a gang?

Nope.

(laughs)

Okay, not gang affiliated at all?

No.

Okay.

Honestly, I feel like it would have been drugs.

(laughter)

I'm sorry.

It's always the people who don't look like it that surprise you.

So, I wanna say, no, he's not a criminal.

Hey, Will.

Hi.

(sighs deeply)

Is it just like, shitty, to say right off the bat that you have a record?

(laughter)

I don't know what it is.

I feel like such an ass right now.

What do you do?

So I do music for TV commercials and TV shows.

Oh, tight.

What do you think I did?

I feel like if I say, I'm gonna sound really rude.

No, no.

I know what I'm doing.

Go ahead, it's okay.

But there's a part of me that feels like there's a creepy side to you that other people don't immediately recognize.

Okay.

Not a kidnapper, do you think

he'd be standing if he was a kidnapper?

I would hope not.

If I walked past him on the street,

I wouldn't feel intimidated or anything.

I'm just gonna go ahead and say that he is one.

(laughter)

Who else we got up in this mothafucker?

What's good homie?

Warren.

Did you go to college?

Yes.

Did you graduate?

Yes.

Okay.

And what do you do for a living?

I labor.

For construction, or?

Anybody.

I'll say no.

- Hello, Sarah. - How are you?

- Good, how are you doin'? - Sarah, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So, how was your upbringing, Sarah?

It was good, it was like the "Brady Bunch",

three boys, three girls.

Do you have children, are you married?

Yes, I have three girls.

Three girls, ooh.

Adopted.

Okay, I don't think she has a record.

I don't think she could adopt if she had a record.

Hi.

Hi, Monica, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

Michael.

What do you do for work?

I grow cannabis at a Green Rush in Everett,

hashtag Catch the Rush.

(laughter)

You've been smokin' for a long time, right?

Since I was nine.

Oh, shit.

Nine.

Nine years old?

Okay.

What brings you to Seattle?

You know, I came here in 2000

to kinda get away from the gangs and the drugs,

since I was pretty much immersed in that lifestyle.

I was real abrasive,

and anybody who stared at me too long,

I was kinda with that, "Do I know you?!"

Damn right.

I'm gonna guess that my guy might have got into something back in the day

and got somethin' on his record.

It could be drugs, could be theft.

Could be vandalizing things.

I mean, if you were smokin' since you were nine,

I'm just gonna say yes.

Oh my gosh, now I'm gonna have to figure it all out.

And be like, oh shit, I was wrong.

Okay, damn.

Two out of how many?

I'm pissed.

Oh shit.

Hey, mothafucker, hey!

Hold on!

So do I get to know what they did,

'cause I'm interested now.

Okay.

Hi, again.

Hi, again.

'Kay, talk to me.

Um, so what, our entire criminal history?

(everyone laughs)

'Cause we could be here for a little bit.

My goodness.

What did you get in trouble for?

So, early on was definitely alcohol, drugs.

I have six DUIs in the state of Washington.

Goodness, okay.

And a dozen assaults to go along with

thefts, home invasions, a larceny charge,

and I spent almost five years in prison.

Oh, okay.

Well, you're very well put together.

I've been sober for a little while.

That's good.

It'll be nine years in May.

My dog.

Clap it up for my dog real quick,

eight and a half years.

(clapping)

That's what I'm talking about, good shit bro.

My G, what's good man?

What's up with you?

I guess you correctly too?

Yes sir.

So what did you do?

Driving.

Driving.

Like a reckless driving?

DUI, reckless riving, DUI.

But not like crashing, normally just burnouts

and all that type of stuff.

You were just speeding, and you know.

Yeah, speedin'.

Imma holler at you about some car shit man,

nice meetin' you brother.

Yeah, same, you too man.

Holla, holla, holla.

So I was right?

You were right.

I was one of your two right answers.

So what do you think?

What do you think I did?

I honestly

Take a look.

(laughter)

Do you have any idea?

I don't.

You don't?

So, it was federal tax evasion, based on large real estate transactions.

And I did 16 months in a federal prison.

So I'm sure you make sure to double check all that shit now, huh?

Oh, yeah.

(laughter)

Oh, so you do have a criminal record?

(sighs)

I got four felonies.

It was possession of stolen property.

What did you steal?

I didn't steal.

Possession.

Oh.

I was on the run for like three weeks, man.

It was the best time of my life.

I thought I got away with it.

They came through the back door, the front door,

and I was up in the attic.

Before I had a chance to do anything they had me.

You was just like "Fuck it."

Did you light up a blunt real quick or anything?