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People always ask, how do you feel about close friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship?
How do you feel about that?
I'm very skeptical of it.
When I say very skeptical, it depends on the dynamic.
Because I have a lot of close friends a lot of close female friends, but we don't speak every single day.
We don't hang out all the time.
It's genuinely like a brother-sister type relationship.
It's all love.
If I had a girlfriend or I had somebody in my life, they would meet them, like, It would be a very transparent situation.
But you got people who have these opposite sex friends.
And they want to keep them away from their partner.
That's red flag number one.
If that's your friend they got to be my friend too.
And I'm not saying my friend, like, we got to hang out and talk on the phone.
But you better be able to walk in my house and show me respect.
Say hello, dap me up, whatever.
There has to be some kind of rapport there.
If there's not, then yes, I do believe it there' something going on there.
Why are you hiding this person from your partner?
That is an issue.
There is something wrong there.
So, I think, again, it depends on the dynamic.
Also, how often do you speak to this person and interact with them?
Like, I think it's very dangerous to where, we want to...
When we hold on so dearly to our friends as our best friends.
We neglect making our partner our best friend and when we lack that with our partner, we hurt the relationship.
The partner has to be best friend number one.
All right?
It doesn't mean you can't have other good friends, best friends or whatever.
But there has to be a best friend number one.
And I guarantee you if your partner is your best friend, you will naturally gravitate more to them than your friends.
But what people are doing is, they're using their friends as buffers.
What I mean by that is, you're in this BS relationship with someone, that you don't have a genuine connection with.
But you tolerate it, because you get what you need from your friends.
Your best friends fulfill you emotionally to where you can deal with your BS relationship.
You're using them as a cover-up.
You may not be maliciously, consciously, doing that.
But subconsciously that is what's happening.
I guarantee you.
Remove those friends.
You will not last in your relationship another few days.
Because now their weaknesses, their flaws, their things that hurt you are going to be magnified.
But you can ignore that when you can run to your friend.
Run to your friend, run to your friend.
It is a form of detachment from your relationship, so in that case, it is unhealthy.
So, I think we have to evaluate each situation.
It doesn't mean that there aren't genuine friendships out there of the opposite sex that people have while in a relationship, but I would argue that a lot of people...
There are some things wrong in those situations that need to be corrected.
Doesn't mean you got to stop being friends all together, but there's something you need to change, and boundaries have to be set.
You got to have boundaries in your relationship with your friends once you are romantically involved with somebody.
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恋人がいるときに異性の友達を持つのはアリ？　（Can you have OPPOSITE SEX friendships while in a healthy relationship?）

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Ingrid 2019 年 6 月 20 日 に公開    Courtney Shih 翻訳    Yukiko チェック

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