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- Yo, what's up? I don't even care
if you thumbs up or subscribe,
just laugh with me, y'all.
(horse gallops)
(magic twinkle)
Whaddup everyone, it's
your girl, Superwoman

and hold up, wait a minute,
I know what you're thinking.

Lily what is you doin', why is you
makin' back to school videos?
You're not in school anymore.

You're old. And hold up, bababa,
I'm doing this because I
believe education is important,

okay, especially because
back to school videos

do really well and get a lot
of views and that's important.

Kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding,
that's not the only
reason. I like to reminisce

about all the great times I had in school.
You know, two years ago.
Okay, fine, I'm just
kidding, three years ago,

four years ago. I'm just kidding.
You know what, whatever the hell I say,
shut the eff up, it's my channel.
I always found the following
things weird and hilarious.

Number one: supply teachers.
I swear to God. If you ever
wanna witness pure evil,

don't even bother streaming
The Exorcist, right,

just watch a group of kids
who have a supply teacher.

It's like there's this unspoken
code, between students,

where it's like, no matter what,
if a supply teacher walks
into this classroom, we unite.

- [Male] Oh my gosh.
- Good morning.
(students chatter)
- Don't even talk to me during
class. Bun you! I hate you.

- Okay, I ain't tryin'
to talk to your stank,

lyin', backstabbin', ho self.
- Sh, sh. I can't even hear you. La la la.
- Excuse me.
- What do you mean? I did all
the work in the group project.

Look at these girls. She don't even know
what she's talking about.
- Yo, chill. You're all so annoying.
- Get out of here. You're so
waste, Maggie. Get out of here.

- You're gross. Your locker smells.
Your backpack smells. Your lunch smells.
- I'm your substitute teacher.
- (bright, happy music plays)
- Oh, hello. Alright,
everybody, can you please

pass your homework forward from yesterday?
- Homework? No, Miss, we
didn't have any homework.

- Very funny, but your teacher told me
he assigned chapter 10.
- No, Mrs. Wright.
Chapter 10 was last week.

- Are you sure? It's
written right here that-

- We never get assigned
homework on Tuesdays.

It's our mental health day.
- Oh.
- And our teacher always
lets us use phones in class.

- I see.
- Yeah, and we're usually
encouraged to create

our own field trips.
- How educational.
- Yeah, and we're allowed
to smoke in class.

- Hold on, now.
- To protest against racism.
- Oh my. Carry on.
(lighter clicks)
- I don't know what it is.
It's like a sixth sense

that students have. Just
like, yo, we know we need

to collectively lie to the supply teacher.
And, somehow, we's all on the same page.
This poor supply, I tell
you, she gettin' played

more times than Fortnite.
Number two: answering questions.
Now, I know I can't be the first person
in the world to make this joke,
but it's just so accurate and relatable
that it needs to be re-said. And that is
there is a system in
place. It's very simple.

If I know the answer, I put my hand up.
Therefore, if I do not know the answer,
guess what I will not do? Put my hand up!
Miss Idiot-Box Math
Teacher. Why you breakin'

the system because you
have instilled the system

in me. You told me to raise my hand
if I know the answer. Why
you breakin' the system?

Why we already have system? Huh?
Do you see me on test, just like,
this time I'm not going to carry the one.
No, I don't. Follow the system.
- Okay, class. Let's review
yesterday's lesson, okay?

Who can tell me the equation of a line.
Anyone? Anyone at all?
(pages rustle)
Lilly, how about you?
- Uh, I'm not sure.
- Equation.
- Uh, I didn't have my hand up.
- Of a line.
- Humble had his hand up. Jessica,
Mark, they all had their hands up.
- Y=mx+b. Okay? Write it down.
- I... okay.
- Any questions?
Anyone at all?
No questions?
- Miss, please, I have to
use the washroom, please.

- No questions. Okay.
Uh, Humble?
Do you wanna go to the washroom?
- Yeah, sure.
What kinda effin' sick joke?
Everybody else in the class

got their hand up. Okay? The class
is like a mother-effin' rage. Just...
and you got her like Lilly Singh.
Number three: stressed
out. Jesus, my hair.

You know, I'm playin'
the part. Stressed out.

Sometimes it's hard to
remember that, like, teachers

are people too. You know what I mean?
It's like we always
see them in their jobs,

teaching, you forget that they go home.
They have real people problems.
Maybe they go home and they
have to make a password

for something and it's
like "Okay, you have to use

a capital letter," and
then they do and it's like,

"Oh my God, no, you have to use a number,"
okay, so then they do and then it's like,
"Oh no, wait, you also need punctuations,"
and they do and then it's like,
"Oh no, and it needs to be 49 characters."
And you're like, okay, wait,
what was this video about?

So annoying. The point is that sometimes
a teacher's personal life stress can seep
into the classroom and
it gets hella weird.

- Okay, class, a nuclear
family is a couple

and their dependent children regarded
as a basic social unit.
- So, Miss, if the couple isn't together,
it's not considered a nuclear family?
- Well, Lilly, maybe the
couple isn't together

because a young girl married
a 40 year old accountant

who sweats when he eats.
And when she cooks dinner
after a long day at work,

it gets cold. Why? Because
he says he'll be home by 9

but he really comes home by 12.
- So it's not a nuclear family, then?
- And when they kiss,
he keeps his eyes open.

And when he sleeps, he snores,
but not in an adorable way,

in an "I can't get any
REM sleep" type of way!

- Miss, m-
- Write this down. Okay,
because when he's done

brushing his teeth, he doesn't put the cap
back on the toothpaste, so it's not really
a paste consistency anymore,
it's more like a tar.

Yeah, so I have to chew my
teeth clean every morning.

(pencil scratches)
I had three kids! Okay,
my first kid took 14 hours

to be born. Yeah, that's 14 hours
of my vagina splitting in half.
There's a walrus tattoo on my
thigh, it used to be a tiger.

- Miss, is this gonna be on the test?
- I had dreams!
- Number four: attendance.
You know straight up,

this one? It makes no sense.
I can't even comprehend.

I am a performer. I
have performed in front

of thousands of people around the world,
and I am not nearly as
nervous then as I am

when I'm waiting for my name to be called
during attendance. Why?
- Okay, I'm just going to
quickly take attendance.

- Oh no.
- When I call your name, just say present.
- Wait, what do we say?
- Billy.

- Yo, wait. Did she say Lilly?
- Mark.

- Yo, she didn't call my name, right?
- Monica.
- What if the way I say
present sounds weird?

- Anthony.
- Yo wait, this is Chem 200, right?
- Uh, Robert.
- Miss, can you repeat the instructions?
- George.
- Oh my god, it's almost my turn.
- Lilly.
- You can do this.
- Lilly?
- Lilly, say present.
- Is Lilly here?
- Absent. Damn it.
- Hold on, hold on. Let me
get this straight. Okay?

You want me to sit here and
listen to all these names

that are not mine, and
then at a specific moment

you want me to respond with one word
to my name? Okay. Where was the warning?
Number five: teacher's helpers.
You know, when I look
back at my school years,

I realize that a lot of
the things teachers ask

their kids to do, were wack as eff.
Hold up, okay, don't get dark.
Calm down, get your mind out of there.
I'm talking about simple tasks
and errands after school.

All of these things we used
to do for our teachers.

And for what?
- Alright, Miss, I'm
done cleaning the board.

I put those mugs back in the staff room,
and I took out the recycling.
- Wow, good job, Lilly.
You know what you get?

(cheerful music plays)
- Awesome.
- Now, those quizzes aren't
gonna mark themselves.

- I'm on it.
- 'Cause if you think about it,
they ain't get any extra credit
or get any marks for this work. No.
It's exploitation, okay?
It's modern day slavery.

That's why she's just like,
"Oh, yes, hi student."

"Yeah, if you could just mark
all these papers for me,"

"and then can you assemble these iPhones?"
I'm on to your games, teacher.
Stop making people who are younger
than you do things that benefit you
and really don't benefit them in any way.
Okay, having said that,
yo, can you guys follow me

on my social medias? Twitter,
Instagram, all these things?

Just kidding. Don't do it, don't do it.
No, you see this pimple right here?
My selfies have been really hurting,
so you need to follow me next week.
Okay, yo, peace. Do the end card.
(dramatic slam)
(magical twinkle) Yo, I
hope you enjoyed that video.

Like I said, I just want you to laugh
but if you want you can go
ahead and click that thumbs up.

My last video's right over there.
Second, vlog channel's...
I say this all the time

but do you ever actually go there?
Just go there, check it
out. Make sure you subscribe

because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday.

If you want. Hope you're
having a good day.

Sending you hugs and kisses. One love.
Superwoman. That is a wrap and zoop.


Weird Stuff That Happens In School

518 タグ追加 保存
raychen0918 2019 年 3 月 19 日 に公開
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