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  • [Gabble bang]

  • Sold

  • [Applause]

  • well, im sure glad Tim and I stopped by for the studio auction, for 'OneStepCamp.org'. ...Plug

  • Well, I'm glad you shelled out all that exposition

  • Yeah, but why are we all in Black and White?

  • Oh, the colour was the first thing to go

  • Those two paid top dollar for it

  • Come Lurkey! We're going to put the colour back in the 'Last Airebender' movie!

  • Number 333, a DVD in peices

  • Some of you may recall, the strange film of, The Phantom of the Opera

  • [Shock gasp]

  • The Phantom of the Opera!?

  • Wasn't that supposed to be the grand adaptation of the epic Broadway musical?

  • Well yeah, brought to you by Joel Schumacher

  • The bat credit card guy?

  • [gun shot from off-screen]

  • 20! It deserves a Nostalgia Critic review

  • 30! Shark Jumping would do it better!

  • 40! You don't even review movies

  • 50! Your face looks weird when you smile

  • I just thought we were throwing out random insults

  • 60! It betrayed everything that was good about the musical

  • 70! It betrayed everything that was good about the book!

  • Somebody actually read the book?

  • Need I remind you that copyright around here

  • has been more tighter than this review series' budget

  • Doing a copyrighted movie, with copyrighted songs

  • might not be the best idea

  • oh, yeah

  • Well, Webber already stole from Pucinni

  • Maybe we can find a way to review it, despite all that

  • Well then, perhaps we may frighten way the joke of so many years ago

  • with a little

  • recreation

  • Gentlemen!

  • Oh, right it's just me

  • [Fandumb music plays]

  • The Phantom of the Opera was novel in 1909

  • by French author, Gaston Leroux

  • well its not the best novel in the world

  • it was still interesting and told in a unique way for the time period

  • kind of a bio-graphic recap

  • of falsified true events

  • you know, like in old school, This Spinal Tap

  • It follows the deformed phantom who lives in the sewers of an opera house

  • he's secretly giving voice lessons to a young ingenue

  • named, Christine Daae

  • and like any creepy teacher, the Phantom is also attracted to her

  • The morale of the story is about the beauty beneath the ugliness

  • a sentiment shared in many French stories like

  • Beauty and the Beast and Hunchback of Notre Dame

  • But, its not just about the music being beautiful but it's also about the

  • power of compassion and empathy

  • he suffers from his bad choices, while also being redeemed becasue of his good ones

  • The story was so timeless that they made film after film about and in 1986

  • Andrew Llyod Webber turned it into a smash Broadway Musical

  • so big that people were waiting for a movie to come about it

  • Webber and Schumacher first wrote the script all the way back in 1989

  • with original Broadway cast members Michael Crawford Sarah Brightman, set to star

  • but after a tough divorce between Webber and Brightman the movie

  • got delayed delayed util they just said, screw it, lets just throw in the guy from 300

  • which is what we're reviewing today

  • [Glass Smashing]

  • Or atleast trying to

  • What is it now, Hyper!

  • The only reason I agreed to play Carlotta is becuase I thought we were gonnna get a love scene

  • Carlotta's the singer who's jealous of Christine

  • she doesn't have any love scenes!

  • Why else would you cast me as the ego-centric, primadonna character then!

  • No hable ingles

  • ugh!

  • [Moan]

  • Whoa, whoa! Hyper fan girl you cant leave!

  • you score high in the 12 to 29 demographic

  • Plus with a subset of 65 to 70 year olds, we'd rather not talk about

  • I don't care I'm leaving

  • [Both] No no no no no

  • Great! Now whos gonna do the opening number?

  • Perhaps I can be of some assistance

  • Who are you?

  • My name is Aunt Despair and I've got a special connection with the studio

  • No you don't

  • I represent the fandumb ghost who has lived here for years

  • No he hasn't

  • He sends you, a message

  • I doubt that

  • He welcomes you to his production

  • Lady, I'd fire you if you worked here but you don't, so I'm just gonna call the cops

  • Fine, he just recommends that you replace Hyper Fan Girl with Beth

  • A chorus reviewer?

  • Eh, why not?

  • It'll just be like when Christine replaced Carlotta in the movie

  • Do you really have to spell that out?

  • You'd be surprised

  • [music starts to play]

  • [Music becomes grander]

  • Ah, Ah! Bravo!

  • That was amazingly adequate

  • Ya hear that?

  • That's your remarkably passable girlfriend

  • Honey, that was amazing!

  • how did you get so phenomally okay?

  • Well, I literaaly had a celestial being teaching me how to sing

  • Alright

  • uh, that doesn't seem weird to you?

  • Nope!

  • Does it charge alot?

  • No, totaly Pro-bono

  • Alright then

  • I guess if Christine in the movie can fall for a super natural entity

  • like a man pretending to be the angelic ghost of her father

  • then anything's believable

  • Well the funny thing is, is that this could work in some respects

  • in the book the phantom studied magicians and illusionists

  • to convince her, he wasn't human

  • but in the play and movie, a lot of this illusions just wouldn't look right

  • like mannequins that change facial expression

  • candles with moveable arms

  • and even shooting literal fireballs out of his hands

  • what is he, a super Saiyan?

  • hey, hey Beth

  • way to be phenomenally serviceable

  • hey, we were gonna go have a

  • god laugh by watching some of the movie, you wanna come with?

  • yeah

  • alright, good job Beth

  • not, not great just...

  • good

  • [laughing]

  • can you beleive the singing choices that they made in this?

  • And here comes the laugh riot himself

  • Gerard Butler

  • as the Phantom

  • [laughing off-screen]

  • he never even sang before!

  • And it shows!

  • It's no surpirse Butler was at the bottom

  • of a long list of actors in line to play the Phantom

  • this includes, John Travolta, Antonio Banderas

  • Meatloaf

  • Matthew Mcconaughey!

  • They even looked at Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway

  • I...guess that turned out well...

  • But then Schumacher saw Gerard Butler

  • in Dracula 2000

  • and thought, yes

  • that's the guy with no professional signing experience

  • who should star in my musical

  • and he was never grossly miscast again

  • The phantom is supposed to be a

  • dark, tormented creature who can teach you to sing like an Angel

  • Boom!

  • A Spartan jock

  • who signs like sandpapper

  • on an active machine gun

  • This is, this is fun what we're doing

  • I like this

  • um..

  • ...open the door

  • yeah thats right

  • turn the knob

  • you've done this a million times

  • very good, push don't pull

  • that's a common mistake

  • don't forget to close it behind you

  • you weren't raised in a barn

  • there you go

  • oh! good god it smells terrible down here

  • what is that?

  • Well it's a sewer what do you expect?

  • It kinda sucks out the romance!

  • What, if the audience can't smell it

  • you can't smell it!

  • put your hand down

  • Wait, you signing verbally or mentally?

  • you keep going back and forth

  • ugh, come on

  • 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,280 (to self) It's Scottish doing French doing English

  • sing, marginally well

  • That's actually a little too good

  • No! you sound interested in what you;re signing

  • don't do that

  • More breathing

  • more gasping

  • have the lungs of an asthmatic

  • Stop!

  • you sound like a person people would actually

  • pay money to listen to

  • remember your training!

  • Sing like me!

  • What was that?

  • Sorry! My insticts took over

  • or that of my years of actual experience

  • from someone who doesn't sound

  • like a dying moose

  • Hey!

  • Ya gonna feed me or what?

  • Ugh, yes yes

  • i will feed you soon

  • Yeah, was that a horse

  • did I ride on a horse?

  • Not that you cared!

  • do you know how hard it is to raise a horse in the sewer?

  • But it was done in the movie

  • so I am bound to it

  • yeah but it didnt make sense in the movie either

  • The Phantom puts Christine on a horse

  • and honest to god, horse in the sewers

  • and carries her for only like a few steps

  • that I'm pretty sure she could have walked by herself

  • But wasn't it a magical couple of steps?

  • chicks dig horse, I read this

  • [From horse of-screen] Food!

  • Shut up!

  • And on top of that the horse is never seen again

  • he just disappears

  • where does the Phantom keep a horse?

  • Why does he keep a horse?

  • How the hell did the horse attain the strength

  • to carry a human being, if he breathed

  • French raw sewage his entire life

  • Yeah sure it was "in the book"

  • but Andrew Llyod Webber took a lot

  • out for the musical version

  • and this was just about the worst thing they could have put back into the movie

  • Well, have ever considered the possibility that I'm

  • giving the horse signing lessons too!?

  • What?

  • oh yes

  • I teach horses very differently

  • from how I teach women

  • Oh!

  • I was wondering why my signing

  • never sounded like yours

  • I have also taught him the classic

  • Phantom movie method of seduction

  • Show her Buttercup

  • But I need to exercise outside

  • for muscular stability

  • Just do it

  • ugh, fine

  • [coughing]

  • o..kay!

  • I think you've got the wrong idea of what made the Phantom sexy

  • What do you mean?

  • yeah come on this is pretty hot

  • The Phantom's seductive nature wasn't

  • from physical strength

  • or, three quarters good looks on his face

  • it came from his passion for music and his confidence as an artist

  • and while his dominace and control

  • normally came through psychological manipulation

  • here it from a open shirted swordfight

  • and even then he loses

  • so they couldn't even do that right

  • Fine, I guess I'll return you home

  • don't know why I thought

  • mirror-napping you would draw you any closer to me

  • anyway

  • Oh good finally

  • god knows everyone's missing me back at the studio

  • Hey, know where Beth went?

  • I don't know

  • eh, who cares

  • get a dress on

  • eh, whatever

  • [Nostalgia Critic Theme song plays]

  • Okay, according to this the next song

  • is the note song

  • Oh god, is that one of those songs that's supposed to be funny

  • because everyone talks really fast?

  • very clever, so maybe

  • Oh, im sorry

  • are we done?

  • like, finally done?

  • like the idea of people talking over

  • each other, isn't nearly as funny as you think it is done!

  • Okay

  • Please sirs another text

  • Just read it

  • Why, according to you guys

  • I don't even work here

  • I'll just let him read it

  • Ow

  • Bitch

  • Gentlemen

  • I have sent you several text messages

  • on my cell phone

  • ruining an otherwise sensible data plan

  • I shall give you, one last chance

  • Hyper Fan girls, not too good you see

  • and I molded Beth

  • into something like me

  • in the new reviewing

  • of the Phantom

  • you will therefore

  • cast dear fan girl

  • as the toilet

  • and give the starring role

  • to bland subpar Beth

  • I will watch the performance

  • from my normal seat

  • which, like the movie

  • would be very easy to capture me

  • if you wanted too

  • but you won't

  • because you are stupid

  • should these demands be ignored

  • something really

  • really

  • really

  • really really bad will happem

  • maybe I'll shit in the buffet or something

  • but probably not that

  • since I just gave it away

  • by the way don't eat the soup

  • I remain your obedient servant

  • F.G

  • My review

  • That was such a hilarious

  • needed

  • not over staying its welcome song

  • that I pray

  • like in the movie

  • and play

  • you have another

  • hilarious, needed not over staying its welcome song

  • right after that one!

  • [signing]

  • Hyper Fan Girl

  • Fan-Fiction

  • Okay I'm not subjecting you to that!

  • especially when the movie has a set up that supports it so little

  • In the play, it makes sense

  • why the owners would want Carlotta over Christine

  • she's the bigger name

  • but in the movie

  • the fans are asking for Christine

  • in fact, they literally tell Carlotta

  • her public needs her

  • right after the people cry out for Christine

  • that not only makes no businesses sense

  • it makes no common sense

  • have you ever considered the possibility

  • that maybe everybody on the production was high?

  • No, I think that's just you Chester

  • Oh good

  • so I must be imagining Beth not you

  • right now

  • Dah!

  • Sweet cheeks!

  • you're back!

  • Oh yeah, im fine you know

  • don't bother sending out a search party for me or whatever

  • sorry, we've been really busy

  • yeah like a phone call

  • or one of those milk cartons

  • we were singing such a funny song

  • maybe a amber alert!

  • everyone was singing

  • over top of everyone else

  • it was

  • so hysterical

  • okay

  • okay, do you wanna call the police

  • about this guy that kidnapped you?

  • I couldn't do that to him

  • alright then

  • do you just wanna go

  • grab a bit or something?

  • I said

  • i couldn't do that

  • to him!

  • maybe Macaroni Grill?

  • well, while they're doing their dress porn

  • do you guys wanna go shoot the next scene?

  • does Andrew LLyod Webber

  • like to use five melodies?

  • [Nostalgia Critic off-screen] Action!

  • Critic! You have to put me in the lead!

  • That's right

  • we just sang a song about it!

  • Hyper, what's this really about?

  • I thought we were over

  • yeah, but

  • it's hard to let things die

  • well you're gonna need to start

  • [sad music starts playing]

  • now if you don't mind

  • I'm busy

  • alright lets take it from the top

  • there there, pay no heed to him

  • here

  • I'll show you some analytics

  • Oh that's a pity

  • I will smoke three J's in her honor

  • Ah!

  • Woah! This stuff works fast!

  • The fandom hears you like

  • making fun of his movie

  • saying everybody's high

  • Yeah, but if you know me

  • you know that's not really an insult

  • It's time to destroy you!

  • Just as Beth is about to become the lead

  • But wait! Why would you do that?

  • you ruin her chances of becoming a big hit

  • It's just like in the movie

  • where in the play the death of the stagehand

  • can be interpreted as the Phantom

  • fighting of an attack from him

  • in the movie

  • he clearly goes after the stagehand

  • during Christine's big moment

  • Thus completely sabotaging her success

  • But why would he want that!

  • One thing to understand about a fandom

  • They rarely make any sense!

  • Well, guess I'm gonna blow up

  • No Chester, the Phantom doesnt have a bomb

  • the entire movie's the bomb

  • Critic that wasn't a stunt

  • this man is dead

  • Oh my God!

  • Okay, lets shoot the love scene

  • What!

  • You want us to confess our love for another

  • after we just watched a man die?

  • Sure!

  • they did in the movie

  • They see a guy hang

  • They escape to the roof

  • They start making out

  • it's a totally natural thing to do

  • oh, okay

  • if it's natural

  • it is trust me

  • murder is a total aphrodisiac

  • now, start the music

  • I can't

  • Yeah, those chunks of Chester are distracting

  • clean up!

  • No, I mean

  • I...I can't sing this

  • You're a wonderful singer

  • snugglebottom

  • Thanks little dumpling

  • but that's not what I'm talking about

  • I'm too good to sing this crap

  • In the Phantom movie

  • a bunch of people who couldn't carry a tune

  • were allowed to record their own vocals

  • but they insisted on dubbing over Minnie Driver

  • who actually can sing

  • so if she was too good to sing that crap

  • I'm too good to sing this crap

  • Okay, that's bullshit

  • if they dubbed the people who can sing

  • then don't dub the people who can't

  • we are not dubbing anyone in this musical at all!

  • Now

  • start singing with your natural voice

  • [with the critics voice]

  • Cut!

  • beautiful

  • and it is now currently six months later

  • Wait it is?

  • Oh yeah

  • in the play there's a narration to show the passage of time

  • but in the movie it's an incredibly sloppy transition

  • look! you're even engaged now!

  • oh yeah, so I am

  • care for a painful analogy for what's happening in the show

  • as well as our lives?

  • Does anybody else thinks it odd

  • that we're signing about how colorful everything is

  • and the only color is faded black and urine yellow?

  • hey, I'm just amazed at how lame that guys red death mask is

  • Hey buddy!

  • nice dollar store costume!

  • red death is supposed to be like this extravagant outfit

  • you look like Zorro

  • the gay blade stunt double

  • [fandom music plays]

  • Organ music

  • must be the fandom yo!

  • It is

  • I have written you a new musical to perform

  • a self inserted fanfaiction

  • that is destined to become a classic!

  • It is the sequel to the Phantom of the opera

  • everybody has always wanted

  • what if the Phantom and Christine had sex the night before the wedding

  • and Raoul is a drunk broke gambler now

  • and the Phantom is super succesful

  • and hosts a carnival

  • and Christine totally still loves him

  • and her ten year old son

  • is actually the Phantoms son

  • and when she dies in the end

  • the son goes to live with the Phantom forever

  • I'd say you've been reading Hyper Fan girls live journal for too long

  • This review is still mine

  • you will sing for me

  • Okay just don't sing for us!

  • Trap door

  • I'm not sure why we had that installed

  • Oh great, now we have to do a sequel

  • to that crappy musical

  • Wait

  • you didn't like the stage play?

  • No, I mean its not bad

  • it doesn't represent the original story

  • it misses the point

  • on lots of occasions

  • I don't know what to say

  • like every Phantom fan

  • the idea of someone not like the show is inconceivable to me

  • You do know it wasn't a critical hit when it came out right?

  • the only reason it ran for 30 years

  • is because Rudy Giuliani murdered all the homeless

  • and slack jaw rubson ohio suddenly weren't afraid to go to Times Square anymore

  • Away with you!

  • Wait Beth, where are you going?

  • Where all sappy dramatic musicals lead

  • Why does no-one remember what an amazing novel you were?

  • Sorry?

  • oh, nothing

  • just remarking on something pretty close to me

  • how watching it fade is kinda like losing a friend

  • Yeah,

  • I know what you're talking about

  • And I thought my problems were bad

  • Yes yes, boo hoo

  • Beth, after all I've done for you

  • tell me your hatred for the musical is not true

  • I mean it's okay

  • but it took out the best parts of the book

  • and stupid 80's synth cheese

  • Damn you!

  • I know Beth

  • the movie can be pretty tough to get through

  • No, I was talking about the play

  • I know, the movie

  • that's what I said

  • I've come to grips with it

  • no, I'm talking about

  • Let me live in my denial

  • Okay

  • You!

  • you betrayed me

  • I'm fed up with this world

  • now I will show you the true meaning of pain

  • Ha Hey, yeah!

  • not so tough are yah

  • hey, word of advice jackass

  • the Phantom is not a sword fighter

  • he's an illusionist

  • literal smoke and mirrors to trick people

  • where the hell does a guy in a sewere

  • even learn sword fighting?

  • The horse! Of course

  • everyone knows they're master swordsman!

  • why else would you keep one around?

  • en garde ass munch

  • well you're about to be put out of your misery

  • No Critic

  • not like this

  • yeah, yeah

  • yeah I think like this

  • We have to do it, like in the movie

  • even though we have him cornered

  • and can end the blood shed right now

  • we have to perform his magical play

  • setting up a trap to catch him later

  • I have a horse pointing a sword at me right now

  • and that makes more sense than anything you just said

  • Just do it

  • Fine

  • but if a cast member and or building

  • gets destroyed I'm blaming you

  • I have an idea

  • Alright, lets wrap up this stinker

  • Wait, I'm confused

  • why am I wearing the mask now?

  • Becasue in this version, Raoul is the real monster

  • so, we're having him wear the mask instead

  • Then how come its jut a little bit of paint under here?

  • Oh, that's from the movie!

  • But in every version of the story, the Phantom is horribly deformed

  • usually in really creative and distinct ways

  • how come this version looks like a bad sun burn?

  • Because the Phantom is visually sexy now

  • not psychologically

  • It's no worse than giving him a carnival freak show backstory

  • okay, lets begin the song with Tim

  • Phantom, what are you dong?

  • I...

  • I do not know no Phantom

  • I am Tim whatever my last name is!

  • It's so obviously you

  • you just wanna do a love scene in front of the world with

  • what the hell is going on here?

  • why are there two Fandumbs?

  • There's only one original Phantom around here

  • oh my God

  • is that

  • Michael Crawford!

  • Yes

  • The young lady

  • alerted me that my honor was being threatened

  • okay, way to go Hyper

  • This is absurd

  • Alright Crawford

  • show that no talent hack, what real singing is!

  • Were we knocked out or something?

  • You'll wish you'd stayed that way

  • You know

  • this guy sounds pretty silly too

  • You think!

  • You know

  • maybe this play isn't as

  • flawless as I remember it

  • I gotta admit

  • only time I believe the chemistry

  • My mask!

  • ah ha, now we'll find who the Fandumb really is!

  • I got a feeling the butler did it

  • [together] Andrew Lloyd Webber!

  • oh I was way off

  • buddy?

  • yes, it was me all along

  • Wait a minute, your singing sounds just like Gerard Butler

  • That's why you cast him

  • Yeah and this whole thing was just for your stupid Phantom sequal

  • which was so bad its never been shown in the US

  • and this from the country that turned 'Bend and Snap' into a musical number!

  • Well you can't blame a guy for trying can you

  • You murdered a man!

  • Oh yes that's true

  • well, I'd better be off then

  • What the hell?

  • Oh yes, don't you know?

  • horses fly

  • My God, everyone should get a horse!

  • I'm sorry I did what I did Critic

  • I felt if one of us could remember the truth about the past

  • Well

  • maybe we both remember the past a little differently

  • can we still be friends?

  • Only if we're the best!

  • [car horn]

  • Oh, that's my date

  • What!

  • you were dating someone while you were trying to still get me?

  • I have a life outside of you, Critic

  • [Devil Boner] Come on Baby! Wer're gonna be late to the Pottery Barn

  • Oh you!

  • So, what can we say about Phantom of the Opera?

  • I mean like, all of it

  • The book definitely stands on its own as a solid piece of work

  • but even I'll admit

  • that it lends itself to a lot of interpretations

  • whether its, Lon Chaney, creeping through the sewers in 1925

  • or a god awful video game from the mid 90's

  • so even if one isn't your cup of tea

  • you know there are several right around the corner

  • the musical has a lot of cool things about it

  • but it's also very flawed

  • with tons of plot holes

  • clumsy lyrics

  • and weird character choices

  • to the movies credit, they tried to fix some of these problems

  • but in doing so, they create a slew of others

  • The movie is not a very good adaptation of either the novel or the musical

  • but in all fairness, it's not without some good moments

  • the sets are nice

  • the cinematography can be good

  • but the most important investments

  • like character and music completely miss the mark

  • one thing all of these have in common though

  • is that they are an experience

  • whether it be through words

  • music, or bat shit crazy film choices

  • The Phantom will always leave us asking the question

  • "What the hell did I just watch?"

  • But hey, atleat its not 'Love Never Dies'

  • I'm the Nostalgia Critic!

  • [together] And We're Shark Jumping!

  • and...

  • lets go buy a horse

  • aren't they amazing!

  • They're just so practical

  • Um...

  • Should I just show myself out?

  • hello?

  • don't go!

  • so be it!

  • I'm forced to show myself out the door!

  • Food!

  • Shut up!

  • Hey, Doug Walker here

  • doing the charity shout out

  • and you know I was gonna do another charity

  • but then I realized we had a plug for OneStepCamp.org

  • and I'm like, eh, lets do it again!

  • There's plenty of other charity's we'll get too

  • uh, you know in future videos and such

  • but the more I was thinking about it

  • I'm like this is such a good charity

  • and we've had, uh, first hand contact with them, we've been to this camp

  • this is a camp for children who have cancer

  • and we've seen it in action

  • uh, we've seen it wrap up with all these children coming together

  • and uh, at the closing ceremony and everything

  • I mean its like

  • it's a phenomenal thing they're doing because when

  • you get this disease, you're immediately kinda isolated from everybody

  • and you feel isolated

  • and this is a place where all of these kids can come together

  • and they can be just be a kid

  • they can do every day stuff without feeling like an outsider

  • and it's one of those places where there's so much love

  • there's so much togetherness

  • there is so much hope, there's so much joy

  • and so many of these kids who go there just say

  • it's one of the best experiences of their lives

  • and its just a phenomenal thing

  • and if you go to their website, if you go to their youtube channel

  • and you look up all this stuff

  • you'll see all the incredible work that they do

  • and it's just such a good cause

  • so many good people there and like I've said, we've had first hand experience with them

  • and they're just so fantastic

  • so, please definitely go check out their website

  • and definitely donate if you can

  • because it's going to such a fantastic cause

  • so thank you so much for watching

  • and yeah, next week we'll have a different charity

  • but trust me when i say it, it's worth two shout outs

  • uh, we've actually done several shout outs for them in the past becuase we like them that much

  • and uh, he we are doing it again

  • so, yeah, that's about it

  • I'll see you next time

  • take care

[Gabble bang]

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オペラ座の怪人～ノスタルジア批評家ミュージカルレビュー (Phantom of the Opera - Nostalgia Critic Musical Review)

  • 120 3
    陳明頤 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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