- My phone's all nudes and that's true.

- I gotta turn my airdrop on.

- You want an accidental nude?

I'll show you my tits.

- I mean, you know.

(whistle)

(upbeat music)

Oh hey glamp fan! I saw you there

but I was pretending not to.

I'm Glamdora and I just wanted

to say thank you so much for liking,

commenting, subscribing, all of that shit

on all of my vids here on Crypt TV.

It's been a wonderful journey so far

but did you know that I actually have an Instagram?

Clearly you do because you've left all kinds of comments.

Here's one. Why she got masculine hips?

First of all, that's binary thinking

and second of all, no I (beep) don't.

This person says her eye look like a old peach.

My eye look like a old peach?

What does that (beep) mean?

What's an old peach? No, my eyes are beautiful.

I bet her kidneys smell so damn bad?

Stop thinking about my kidneys

and you're right, they probably smell bad.

You know what, (beep) you guys.

Today's episode is about self confidence.

I don't give a (beep) what you say about me

because I (beep) rule and you (beep) drool.

Until you finish this episode

and then you can learn to love yourself

or something, I don't know.

(flames crackling)

That's right you dicks, today we're

going to learn about self confidence.

How to get it and how to keep it.

Here are a few things that will

never make you feel self confident.

Going down on someone from Tinder.

You should not go down on somebody

that you just call someone from Tinder, alright?

Another thing that really is never

going to make you feel more self confident

is when somebody cuts you off in traffic

so you work your way through the cars

until you're next to them at a red light

and then you look over to see what this (beep)

garbage idiot looks like.

It's actually pretty satisfying.

Another thing that will never make you feel

self confident is still talking

about how Bernie Sanders should have been the nominee.

While some people might think that might be true,

it's 2018, that happened in 2016,

that's two years you should have grown by now.

In a party environment, if you're trying to get laid

I just wouldn't.

(deep breath)

I think I need a boost of self confidence

and I think I know how to get it.

How about with my next guest, Dang Matt Smith.

We're goin' to the boudoir, that's French for bedroom.

(piano music)

Oh my (beep) god, we're in my boudoir now,

can you believe it? God I love this life. How bout you?

- It's not a sleep number bed but, you know, it works.

- Okay, this is my new friend Matt Smith.

I'm sorry, Dang Matt Smith.

- Hey, what's goin' on. I'm not creeped out at all

by the whips and the chains and the dildos

but it's fine, yeah yeah.

- Oh I didn't ask. Anyway, he has his own clothing line,

shirts, hoodies, sweatpants, jerseys, pop sockets,

portable chargers, everyone needs one of those,

except for me, my pussy is also an iphone charger.

Bracelets, phone cases and water bottles.

What's your favorite item you have?

- I was just going to say the shirts

but I'd be happy to accommodate, you know,

anything that you're looking for

and maybe I can get a Dang Matt Smith horn.

- Oh, would you like to touch my horn?

I'm very horny.

- Only on the second date.

- Please touch my horns.

- A little. Just touch the tip.

- Ow! So let me get this straight though,

you made a name for yourself just interacting

with random people on chat roulette.

- Yeah, yeah just talking to strangers,

doing what my parents told me not to do.

- Oh my god, you must have been just a small boy

when chat roulette was a popular thing to do.

- I was a small boy but you know what, I grew up.

- But you're 19, yeah I got some info.

- Where'd that go? Littering.

- Littering is a myth. You do a lot of reactions,

- Yeah

- That's how you made your name for yourself.

- Yes.

- Alright so what kind of things do you react to?

- Anything scary, anything funny, you know.

(Glamdora growling)

(Matt screams)

(beep)

Remind me to change the sheets.

- Did you pee yourself? Or did you cum?

- No, um, worse.

- You did not shit my bed. You smell wonderful.

- Thank you.

- And I'm happy that you're here.

- Yeah, me too.

- Alright.

- Not regretting at all.

- So you also do meme videos.

- Yeah

- I checked out your Instagram.

- Yeah, yeah.

- That feeling when. That moment when. Me when.

You love all of us.

- I do all of it, the awkwardness.

- Please show me that moment when

you realize you've been dead the whole time.

(dramatic music)

Oh my god. He's beautiful.

It's still yelling.

And you're sad that you're dead,

you're not relieved?

Show me that feeling when you realize

your girl's the killer.

(techno music)

When you are having the best sex of your life

but then you realize it's a ghost.

(funk music)

Whoa, it's confusion. It's like pain

and ecstasy simultaneously.

- It's a very personal experience.

- You (beep) a ghost?

- Not on purpose.

- Are you ready to play a little game with me

to see how confident you really are,

you walk in here like some big confident hot shot,

your mad swagger just walkin' up into my bedroom,

trying to tell me what's up?

- You really think I got mad swagger?

- We're gonna play my game now so shut the (beep) up.

This is a game called truth or scare.

I'm gonna ask you some very personal,

very (beep) up questions and you can either

answer them honestly or I get to text someone

in your phone and tell them whatever I want to tell them.

- Oh no.

(scary music)

- First question, who is your least favorite Youtuber, go.

- My least favorite? I mean I love all the Youtubers.

Shout out to all the.

- You can not lie!

- My least favorite Youtuber is myself.

- I think he's lying. I think he's gonna get punished.

Who is the most famous person

you've ever hooked up or made out with?

- I don't know if you heard of anybody called

Selena Gomez but she once kissed me on the cheek

so I count that.

- Selena Gomez kissed you on the cheek?

- She did. I met her one time and then she

was like oh hi, nice to meet you, right there.

- It's not really a hook up but she's pretty famous.

- It's like first and a half base.

- Do you want to ask me?

- Oh god. Whose the most famous person

you've hooked up with?

- Well I haven't hooked up with him

but John Mayer sometimes Dms me really dirty things

and that is true.

Have you every shoplifted?

(ominous music)

So yes? If you lie, if you don't answer your question

I have to go through your phone.

What'd you steal?

- Candy.

- Why did you do it? For the thrill

or cause you needed the candy so bad?

- It was for the sexual thrill of stealing.

- So that's your thing.

- Yes it is.

- If you could kill one person in the purge,

who would it be?

- If I could kill one person

it would have to be my therapist.

- Mommy stuff, dad stuff?

- A little bit of both.

- Yeah. Have you ever had an STD?

- No.

- One time I got crabs on purpose cause I was lonely.

What's the most recent nude you've gotten

and can you show us? No, we're not gonna

see other people's nudes but if you have a nude

that you've sent to somebody,

I would like to see that.

(Matt laughs)

- Of course I don't have a nude.

- My phone's all nudes and that's true.

- I gotta turn my airdrop on.

- You want an accidental nude.

I'll show you my tits.

- I mean, you know. You know, just family friendly.

(beep)

- You're not gonna show me a nude, you lose the game.

- What nude, there's no nudes.

- Give me your phone, give me your phone.

You lose, you lose, you lose, you're punished.

- I wear my clothes in the shower too, so.

- You're a never nude?

- I'm never nude.

- Alright, I'm gonna text your best friend, Jeremiah.

- Oh god. Don't you text Jeremiah.

- Oh I'm gonna (beep) text Jeremiah.

I'm gonna text him thank you so much for

the illegal help on my taxes.

- She's a loose cannon. Sitting in a bedroom

with a back wall that looks like it goes

to the shadow realm.

- Yeah well it does go to the shadow realm.

Hold on, I gotta check in on some people actually.

- Can you tell my grandfather I say hi?

Oh damn.

(beep)

- We're in a new segment of the show now.

I'm sitting differently.

- I'm not.

- Well we all make choices. Okay!

We're going to play a game called kill, torture, (beep).

It's like (beep), marry, kill except we don't care

about marriage here at Crypt TV.

We care about torture.

- Basically I should admit on camera to a crime.

- It's not a crime if you're just premeditating it yet

but it's coming.

Little Xan, Little Tay or My Little Pony.

- Oh jeez, man. Sorry, I'd have to kill Little Tay.

- Okay.

- I'll have to torture Little Xan.

- Mmm, yeah.

- I'm gonna have to (beep) My Little Pony.

- Hi girls!

- You made the exact right call on that, congratulations!

(applause)

- Round of applause for me and bestiality.

- This is kill, torture, (beep),

the three fat men on Pawn Stars.

Let's just torture them all.

- Yeah, I gotta kill em, torture them all.

- Tom Cruise, Ted Cruz or a PT Cruiser.

- (beep) PT Cruiser and then we're gonna have

to torture Ted Cruz cause his policies are horrible

and then Tom Cruise, we're just gonna have to kill him

even though he's about to make Mission Impossible 73.