or maintain attraction in a relationship you have to.

(gentle music)

What you are about to learn in the next few minutes

is the biggest mistake that a guy can make

when it comes to attracting a girl.

It's not something you learn in school.

It's not something your friends and family will teach you.

It's something that most men will never understand.

In life, we're usually taught

that when we have something good,

it's important to do everything in our power

to hold onto that thing.

If we get a good job,

it's important to perform well in order to keep it.

When we get an expensive cellphone,

we buy a case to protect it.

If we get a scholarship to a university,

we're told to do everything in our power

in order to hold onto it.

So it only makes sense that if we meet an amazing girl

or get into an amazing relationship,

we should do all that we can in order to hold onto it.

Right?

Wrong.

This is the misunderstanding that so many men have

and I will explain what I mean by going over something

that I like to call the butterfly paradox.

A woman is like a butterfly that has landed into your hands.

It's beautiful, exotic, warm, friendly,

and it's amazing to look at.

You want to love it and appreciate it.

You might even want to curl up your fingers a little

to protect it from the wind.

The more you get to know the butterfly,

the more attached you become

and you might even start feeling like you need the butterfly

in order to live a happy life

and because of this feeling,

you will slowly start to squeeze hand tighter and tighter

because you don't want to lose it.

You want to do everything in your power

to prevent this beautiful butterfly from leaving your hand.

Because you love her so much,

you will start to squeeze your hand tighter and tighter

and you will start to suffocate the butterfly.

This squeezing will manifest itself through jealousy,

insecurity, rules you want to place on one another,

like you can't do this, you can't do that.

You'll start asking questions,

like where were you last weekend,

who were you hanging out with last night,

why didn't you text me?

When you do this, when you keep squeezing and squeezing,

what do you think is going to happen to the butterfly?

It will start to feel trapped, resentful, scared,

and she probably will want to leave you.

In order to maintain attraction with the girl

or maintain attraction in a relationship,

you have to become okay with the idea

that the butterfly could leave.

You have to understand that you do not own this butterfly.

This butterfly is its own creature.

It's choosing to stay with you.

You do not have the right to force

that butterfly to stay with you in your hand.

It's only when someone has the freedom to leave

is when they will want to stay with you.

If you don't give them this freedom,

it's only a matter of time before they fly away.

So you need to come from an abundance mindset.

You can't rely on a girl or anyone for that matter,

for all of your good emotions.

The moment you start to rely on her for your happiness

is the moment when you start to become very needy

and it's when you will start squeezing

your hand tighter and tighter.

Instead of projecting your insecurities on one another,

or placing rules and restrictions on one another,

you have to simply trust each other

and have faith that the other person

will the make the right decision

and if you don't have faith in your partner,

then that is something you need to talk about

and that's something that is probably a much bigger problem.

In order to come from this abundance mindset,

you need to have things going for you in your life

outside of the relationship

and these things could be something like a good career,

cool friends and family.

You might have awesome hobbies

and you should always be trying to improve yourself

and trying to become a better man.

This mindset is so attractive to a girl

and this mindset will keep the spark in your relationship

even if you've been dating each other

for about three or four years.

If you squeeze too hard,

you will suffocate and lose the butterfly.

If you enjoyed this video, please subscribe to the channel

and leave the video a like.

Thanks so much for watching

and I'll see you in the next one.

(gentle music)