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(Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates)

Wiz: Power.

Some spend entire lives in search of it.

While for others it is their birthright.

But what truly matters in the end is how it's used.

Boomstick: Like with Thanos, the ultimate villain of the Avengers.

Wiz: And Darkside, arch-nemesis to the Justice League.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a DEATH BATTLE!

Over a million years ago.

When mankind's evolution first broke away from the apes.

The cosmic Celestials arrived on earth.

They experimented on the human race creating three separate variants.

The powerful and beautiful Eternals destined for immortality.

Those with a latent mutated gene which would one day spawn the X-Men.

And the deformed disturbing subspecies known as the Deviants.

Boomstick: Like that one website with all the porn.

Wiz: What?

Boomstick: Anyway the Eternals eventually colonized the moons of Saturn thanks to this science wizard named Mentor.

Whose collar's like the lampshade I put on my dog to make him stop lickin' his junk.

Wiz: Charming.

But while the Eternal seemed like a perfect people.

Mentor's own son would change this forever and force the cosmos to its needs.

His name was Thanos.

Thanos: You were a fool to betray me Ronan.

Prepare to meet your doom!

Boomstick: Thanos was born into a life of luxury.

Sure his mom went totally insane and tried to kill him right away but what do you think you'd do if you popped out a creepy, California raisin, baby?

Wiz: It seems the Celestials experiments weren't quite so different from each other.

Despite his eternal heritage Thanos' large disproportionate body and thick purple skin where thanks to a deviant mutation.

Boomstick: Which you'd think would mean everyone would hate him.

But nope.

The Eternals were super progressive and totally cool with a wrinkly grimace walkin' around.

Wiz: In fact Thanos was greatly admired for his exceptional intelligence and creativity.

He was set for a positive and decorated future.

Boomstick: Until he threw it all away for a girl.

Hey I don't blame him.

Lots of guys do crazy shit for hot chicks.

Especially when you're a secret murder-happy psycho who's obsessed with the physical manifestation of death.

Wiz: To earn Death's reciprocal love.

Thanos took a journey a quest to ravage the universe in her name.

Boomstick: And as an eternal he had plenty of superhuman power to do it.

He was already the strongest and fastest Eternal around.

But he boosted his power even more with bionic and magic enhancements.

Wiz: And while his fiscal and psionic abilities are impressive.

His incredible genius led to building massive spaceships, shields that can withstand planet level attacks and even a time window.

Boomstick: And the most badass throne ever.

It comes packed with its own laser weapons, light speed travel and it can teleport through space and time.

Wiz: Unlike most Eternals Thanos has also dabbled in the mystic arts.

Petrification, Curses even some of his throne's abilities seem to be more magic than hard science.

All of this potential makes Thanos an incredibly dangerous foe.

Boomstick: Yeah, good luck tryin' to hurt him.

He can survive pretty much anythin'.

Includin' a gun.

Specifically designed to kill him.

He even shot himself in the face with it just to prove how goddamn awesome he is.

Boomstick: Don't try that at home kids.

Wiz: He's strong enough to overpower two Thors at once.

Snap a universal weapon known for its extreme durability.

And even lift the gargantuan Galactus engine.

Boomstick: That giant super rocket big enough to move planets according to Mr. Fantastic.

And that guy know his stuff.

This thing is hundreds of miles long.

Wiz: While the Galactus engine's size seems to vary from comic to comic.

Reed's assertion matches its appearance when it propelled Ego the Living Planet.

By examining the engine in three separate parts applying the density of steel and comparing Ego's diameter of four thousand 165 miles.

We've found that Thanos must be lifting about 50 quintillion tons.

That's like holding up 140 trillion Empire State buildings.

Boomstick: And he's doin' this inside the gut of a living Kurt Russell planet that eats other planets and even stars.

Man.

I thought I had an iron stomach.

Wiz: But destroying a star isn't a simple thing.

Any energy directed toward a star would just be absorbed and adapted to.

Only by completely nullifying a star's constant energy output can it be eliminated.

Boomstick: So Ego's stomach acid it must be deadlier than frickin supernovas or a black hole.

He'd probably love'd Mama Boomstick's world famous ghost pepper pie.

Wiz: Ugh!

Boomstick: It's fine.

Just dip it in some squirrel paste.

Wiz: Surviving the stomach of Ego isn't so far-fetched for Thanos.

Considering he's also survived a dip in a blackhole.

Extreme reality warping across the Metaverse and the voice of Black Bolt.

Boomstick: What's so special about this guy you asked?

Well with just a whisper he obliterated 1 billion tons of rock.

This guy can easily break a planet with just one shout.

And Thanos took three of them to the face.

Wiz: Although Thanos isn't known for being a speedster character.

He's still quick enough to battle the likes of Silver Surfer.

A being who can cover five hundred thousand light-years in just a couple of seconds.

Putting him over three trillion times faster than light.

With so many impressive showings It's hard to truly find a weakness.

Deadpool: Except for oneeeeeee.

Boomstick: UGH Godamnit!

Deadpool: Thank you, thank you.

Glad to be here.

It's me: Deadpool.

Slayer of Deathstroke's, befriender of Ponies and breaker of Mad Titan heart's.

Unlike Casanova the ravenous reaper can't get enough of me.

Thanos just hates that.

Oof!

Wiz: Well Thanos did cursed him so he couldn't die and be with her.

Deadpool: I know right?

He's a big purple crybaby.

Have you seen that chin though?

It's like you got hit in the face with a Slap Chop.

Boomstick: Don't you have a like a party in pony town to be in?

Deadpool: Aw come on buddy you can't have a DEATH BATTLE season without Deadpool right?

Wiz: We did.

The last one.

Deadpool: Nobody counts that one.

I mean that's a year you pit a dog in trenchcoat against a goddamn bear.

(chuckles)

Did you think what happened?

Boomstick: (laughs)

Yeah.

Deadpool: Whatever.

I know when I'm not wanted.

See you next year.

DP out.

Wiz: UGH Good riddance.

Boomstick: Even with all of these powers and abilities Thanos still felt he needed something more to impress Death.

Think he's compensatin' for somethin' Wiz?

Wiz: Oh absolutely.

So he built the Infinity Gauntlet a golden glove which harnessed the power of six multi colored gems known as Infinity Stones.

With these he could control the full spectrum of space, reality, mind, power, soul and time.

Boomstick: And with those powers combined he summons Captain Planet.

Wiz: Well more like the destruction of half the universe but sure whatever.

Bucky: Steve?

Boomstick: Eh, same difference.

Oh wait isn't the Time Stone the green one in Dr. Strange's necklace?

Wiz: Well in the Movie Universe the Time Stone is green but in the original comics series is orange.

This is because every universe has its own unique Infinity Gauntlet that works exclusively there.

And sometimes the stones are different in color.

Here just follow this handy diagram I made.

Boomstick: Yeah don't care.

So with all the stones he wiped out half the universe with only a snap of his fingers.

But he also started going a bit crazy and began to doubt his ability to perform.

Hey happens to the best of us.

Wiz: Yet it never keeps the Mad Titan at bay for long.

Whose constant lust for power and godly status in the universe is only matched by his drive to just kill everybody.

Thanos: Dread it.

Run from it.

Destiny arrives all the same.

And now it's here.

Or should I say...

I am.

Wiz: Ten billion years ago...

The primeval Old Gods clashed in a cosmic civil war called: Ragnarök.

Boomstick: That the one with Thor and Jeff Goldblum?

Wiz: No.

Yes...

Kind of.

The battle was so great that the result was an explosion that tore the God's asunder.

Sending a great Godwave throughout the metaverse.

Eventually birthing a new generation known as...

The New Gods.

Boomstick: How original!

Well, some of these include Alpine Space Skier.

Fancy Pants Shakespeare.

And this cyborg spider Humpty Dumpty.

Half of these guys ended up on a beautiful paradise world called: New Genesis.

While the rest got stuck on an actually fireball called Apokolips.

With a "K".

Wiz: Among these damned souls was Prince Uxas.

Second in line to the throne behind his older brother Drax.

Not Dave Bautista Drax.

But DC Drax.

Boomstick: Aw man, I really like that guy.

He's not afraid to say what he's thinkin'.

Drax: You are horrifying to look at, yes.

Wiz: To rule Apokolips, Drax was meant to enter the mysterious Omega Pit and absorb the Omega Effect.

A force of destructive entropy bound within Apokolips.

Boomstick: But being the crafty bastard he was.

Uxas tricked DC Drax into getting killed, and stole the loot for himself.

Wiz: And so the Omega Effect transformed Uxas into the physical manifestation of tyranny:

Darkseid.

Cyborg: Now what?

Darkseid: Now...

You die.

Boomstick: As the king of Apokolips; Darkseid entered a war on the universe.

Whether he was kicking New Genesis ass, or givin' the Man of Steel a hard time.

Darkseid was always workin' toward his one goal: conquerin' all life.

Wiz: And thanks to his New God physiology, he has incredible superhuman strength, speed, agility, and even immortality.

He's already over 245,000 years old.

And that's given him plenty of time to push the limits of the Omega Effect.

Boomstick: He's got a whole bunch of cool Omega powers that break all the rules of nature.

He can teleport across time and space, fly at unthinkable speeds, warp reality around him.

And grow super sized.

Wiz: Something he's pretty used to doing.

The scale between the prime universe and Darkseid's own universe.

The Fourth World is vast.

He travels between universes via Boom Tubes, which automatically adjust his size to what is considered normal within his destination.

Otherwise, he'd have a hard time fitting in.

Given that the normal size of a New God is about the size of a star.

Boomstick: Oh yeah.

I've had that kinda trouble with my Boomstick Tube.

Wiz: He can use various psionic powers like telekinesis and telepathy.

And can easily manipulate sentient beings thanks to a cosmic awareness of the multiverse powered by eighteen divine senses.

Boomstick: Y'know, I bet he never forgets where he leaves his keys.

Like a space-age necromancer Darkseid can possess living or deceased beings.

Controlling them like puppets.

He can even control basic inanimate objects.

Just like the Nomad of Nowhere.

Boomstick: AH! HOLY SHIT!

Uh, Wiz?

Never thought I'd say this but...

That might have been too much to drink.

Wiz: But Darkseid's deadliest technique is his signature Omega Beams.

These burning lasers of hatred are capable of instant sharp turns and tracking multiple targets at once.

Flash: They're splitting up.

They can do that?

Superman: They're locked on us!

Wiz: On contact the beams can either disintegrate their target, transmute matter.

Erase beings from existence or trap enemies in the Omega Sanction.

The Omega Sanction is a sort of life trap.