I love this show.

But there is no way anyone could eat like that.

Like what?

Like Uncle Vernon's about to catch them any second and shove them back into the cupboard

under the stairs.

I could do that.

Do what?

Eat like them.

Go on the Gilmore Girls diet.

No you couldn't.

Mhm, yes I could.

Lex, unless your stomach is bigger on the inside, there's no way you could consume that

amount of food.

You talk about it like it's some kind of chore or task.

I love food.

Food and I are on a first name basis.

I have on more than one occasion let food under my top.

Or more accurately down my top.

Either way, food and I have a very intimate relationship.

It's not just the amount of food, it's the type.

It's all junk.

Two days of eating like that and you would be perfect for the cast of The Walking Dead.

I'm hurt by your lack of faith.

I could do a week. Easy.

Really.

A week?

Really.

Care to put your money where your stomach is?

I give you two days, and if you lose -

you have to watch Pride and Prejudice with me.

The BBC version.

All 337 minutes of it.

And -

you can't sleep through it.

Fine, but if I win, you have to read 50 Shades of Grey.

No.

I've seen passages.

It's like she's never heard of a thesaurus.

Hey, if you don't think you can win -

Fine.

Deal.

May the force be with you.

Whoa, what is that?

It's a Swanson.

It's a turkey leg wrapped in bacon.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

My heartbeat's is just a bit irregular at the moment.

No big deal.

Mmhmm.

Looks good.

Might as well call me Kimmy Schmidt,

cos I'm unbreakable.

What do you say to a midnight snack?

[Jazz music quietly plays]

Ah, Em.

Just who I wanted to see.

Please come in.

Um.

Lex.

What is all of this?

What's a sexier word for 'reliable'?

What?

Never mind, I'll put it in as a placeholder for now.

Um,

slow down, Dickens.

What is all this?

My writer's retreat.

I've recently had some spare time on my hands

Yeah, thanks to all this coffee induced insomnia -

- and decided to do some reading.

Gilmore Girls focused.

I found a very good website, Archive of Our Own.

Fanfiction.

You've been reading fanfiction?

They were very good,

but I knew I could do better.

I've almost finished.

I don't believe it.

Have I walked into the Upside Down?

I'll read you a bit now.

You're gonna love it.

"Rory knew she couldn't fight it anymore.

She knew who she wanted.

Dean."

What?!

"It had always been him.

Jess, Logan - just passing fads."

StopStopStop.

I'm going to cut my ears off, but not in a Van Gogh way.

I'm going to cut both off them off.

Dean and Rory?!

Of course.

I was so blind to think Rory should be with Jess.

I'm Team Dean and I don't care who knows it.

I'm publishing it!

I've created a monster.

Hey, klepto.

Give it back.

You don't know what you're doing.

The sugar and caffeine have muddled your brain.

Dean and Rory are a modern day Romeo and Juliet.

You don't know what you're saying!

Agh!

Tell me that was a nightmare.

Don't look at me.

I know I'm disgusting.

[BBC Pride and Prejudice plays]

Double or nothing?