Today, I'm playing a new game called "Getting Over It with Dick Urkel."

Now the question is who is Dick Urkel? Is it the man or the hammer?

Or the cauldron?

Get... Get up the tree.

And you know almost immediately uh...

I am noticing that these controls were forged inside of a dumpster out of uh... old chicken bones.

Pull... Pu- Whoa!

Pull up.

Ge- Ge-

Ge- Ge-

Fuck. Fuck.

Get up the tree, you cock smoker. Come on.

Ge-

Eh-

Eh-

That's Dick Urkel.

This is gonna be one of those games where the fucking guy talks over the whole time, isn't it?

Get over!

Get over the tree!

Ho! I got- I got something!

Yeah- *gasp*

I beat it!

I beat the game!

Hoo hoo hoo hoo! I did it, baby! Whoo!

Oh goddammit. There's still more.

Alright. Ah... Uh...

Why...?

It's so hard to control the hammer...

YEA- OH!

Dah...

Come on. Get-

The controls are kinda like, you know, riding a bike.

Once you learn it, you never forget.

Except like in the- In this situation, the bike...

Uh, somebody popped the tires...

...and pissed all over the floor...

...and then they ripped the handlebars off and replaced it with fucking spikes...

...and uh...

...they bent all the wheels up. The metal in the wheels. They bent them all up and uh...

...and the frame. The-

This is stupid. *GASP* Wait, wait, is it stupid? Is it?

Whoa.

Yeah, it's really stupid. It's a really stupid game.

Yea- Yea-! YEAH!

YEE-

GOD

IDIOT

The trick is to stay calm while you're playing this. That's the real key.

See, I'm gonna- See, I'm swinging on the-

*GASP*

*exhale*

I did... I did it!

Ha ha, I- I made it up the little panel...

*gasp*

YOU... FUCKING THING!

I am never gonna win this. Ever.

It's just not-

Is it, Dick Urkel?

Yeah?

See, the trick- Ooh! There we-

See, the trick... The trick is you have to use the uh...

The uh... Centrifugal force from the uh... The bucket to um...

You know, it's just science...when you think about it.

It's just science.

Come...!

C-

Come on, god- Shit!

Ooh.

I hate him so much.

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "WHEN I WAS DEVELOPING THE GAME"

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "I MADE SURE TO MAKE THE GAME AS SHITTY AS POSSIBLE."

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "THAT WAY, NOBODY COULD EVER BEAT IT."

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "'CAUSE I'M A FUCKING ASSHOLE."

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "MY NAME'S DICK URKEL."

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "THE PLAYER IS CONSTANTLY ANGRY AT THE CONTROLS"

[Dunkey as Dick Urkel]: "BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SUCK COMPLETE DICK."

[Normal Dunkey]: They suck complete dick!

...just go ahead and uh...

Just run this bad boy through spellcheck

and delete the whole thing and write this instead.

♪ Final Fantasy Victory Theme ♪

Ooh. Ooh! OH! OH! Ooh... *GASP*

GOD

GET

GAH

This game is killing me.

The only way this game is good is if you get to beat the fucking guy

to death with the hammer. The guy who keeps talking.

You- You just... OOH!

What's that- Ooh! Oh!

Oh. I'm getting better. I'm getting better.

Oh my god. Oh my g- This is farther than I've ever been.

This- Heh! Eh...

C-

Come on!

God!

It doesn't work. The controls don't-

They don't work right. Get on!

*groan*

This one's for you, Abraham Lincoln.

This one's for- God!

"This game... This game sucks dick."

"This game... This game sucks dick." ~ videogamedunkey

Oh I hate the game.

Gotta admit, guys.

Everything leading up to this part

has actually just been a tutorial.

This is where the real game starts. This is...

*deep breath*

This is the fucking- This is the shittiest fucking thing ever crea-

Eh! Ooh... Eh...

Eh- Oh!

Ge- *wheeze*

Ge- Come! On!

Look at this shit. It's not even a real hammer, I bet. It's plastic.

Get on the- Yeah! There you go! There you go-

No.....

Dammit....

Get on there... Yeah! There we go. There we go!

Now you ca-

Fucking Dick Urkel piece of shit game.

Eh... oh.

Eh...

Eh...

Ah.

Eh...

Eee...

Eh...

Eh.

Yea- Oh!

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!

Now- YE! YE!

Whoa.

YE! YE! No!

No!

No!

No!

Yea!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Come on. Yeah! There! There! I'm winning! I'm "binning"!

Yes! No! No! Come on!

No! No!! No- *breathes in*

NO!

I'm bac- Yes!

Yes! I'm coming back! I'm comin-

SWING- SWING ON THE- GET UP!

GE-

GO!

YES! NO! NO!

Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go.

Eh.

Eh- Aah!

Gah- You-

Ge- Yes! Yes! Yes!

*gasp* *gasp* I'm doing it!

I'm doing- *wheeze* COME ON!

Get up.

Get up!

Yes! No- Don't!

No- Yes!

Yes- *GASP* DON'T

Goddammit!

*deep breath*

Focus.

I did it. I did it.

[Outro]