I have to pay some due respect...

The story starts out pretty strong.

Instead of killing people with a fucking feather

you kill them with actual weapons, that an assassin might actually use.

Instead of being a jumble of incoherent flashbacks

there is structure and a plot

and people's faces are actually animated.

It isn't some masterpiece

but it's interesting enough to where you want to keep playing to see what happens next.

That is until you hit a certain point where the story just grinds to a halt

because your character isn't at a high enough level.

Turns out...

the side missions aren't side missions

because you have to complete a ton of them, in order to level your guy up.

Of course, this is where time savers come into play

Ubisoft wants you to spend real money, on in-game experience,

so that you don't have to actually play the game you just bought for 60 dollars.

[Dead NPC] "Stop running!"

(Dunkey laughs)

"I'll crush you!"

[Dunk] He already died.

[Dead NPC] "VICTORY!"

[Dunk] You've experienced everything the game has to offer in the first 10 hours

and then it goes on for another 30.

By the time you return to the main story, it's almost inseparable from the side content,

as it devolves into a seemingly endless list of chores.

[Alexios] "A midwife wanted you to have this."

[MAN] "Oh! Just what I needed-"

With Origins, Ubisoft wanted to turn Assassin's Creed

into Metal Gear Solid V.

The problem is, they still haven't caught up to the technology from Metal Gear Solid 2, yet.

The core gameplay is embarrassingly sloppy

leaving this beautiful open world, and its hundreds of quests, no foundation to stand on.

The melee combat feels floaty and unsatisfying with you just sitting there, chipping away at a dude's health.

Sometimes, when you beat a guy, it'll play one of these neat little animations

and, other times, their body will just ragdoll fly away at 100 miles an hour.

"Die!"

"Wha- What?"

"That guy's already dea-"

[Metiochos] "Hurry! Kill these snakes before it's too late!"

[Dunk] "Don't worry!"

"I'll beat these snakes-"

(Grunts)

[Dunk] My first experience with the naval combat was me boarding an enemy ship

and then my guy goes...

[His Guy] "PREPARE TO BOARD!"

"FOLLOW ME!"

[Dunk] So I hop on,

start fighting people...

and then, after a while, I realized that none of them actually boarded the ship with me.

[Dunk] "Shit!"

"I'm gonna die."

"If only I had an entire ship of people that helped me fight these guys..." (Laughs)

Fortunately, my guys did learn to board enemy ships- Uhh... later on in the game.

(They're screaming and "fighting")

Then there's this guy...

[Mercenary] "Back up, Misthios"

"You'll feel the sting of my venom."

[Dunk] I stabbed him in the back...

[Mercenary] "I'll end you, Misthios"

[Mercenary] "I'll end you, Misthios" [Dunk] Twi- Twice!

[Dunk] He was- I mean, clearly, he was aware of them... Stabbing him...

and yet he didn't fight back.

He was just kind of standing there pointing and- Until I did this move!

Now that- That's the one that pissed him off

then he was ready to fight.

Stealth combat was definitely my favorite way to approach this game

and it's- You know!

It's going behind people and pressing the "Y" button...

But- At least it looks cool!

I also made sure to spec into this "Spartan Kick" ability, which is hilarious.

There was a really emotional boss fight

where this dude comes at you screaming

and it's like: "Oh, shit!"

"Now it's about to get crazy"

And... that was the entire fight!

There are a lot of annoying little oversights.

Like, how you can only fast travel to places where you remember to climb up this specific structure

and do the dumb "bird thing".

The map is filled with tombs and forts,

but you're rewarded with such a meager amount of XP for doing them

it isn't even worth it!

There's also a general sense of bugginess pervading every minute of the game.

You'll go up to a sleeping guard and snap his neck,

except his head won't even move.

(Guard screaming)

Your character and your horse are constantly getting stuck on the terrain...

Uh- There was a part where my horse just clip through a pond...

"Oh, no, no, no"

"Get- Hey! Get off of me!"

(Laughs)

That being said...

if you're willing to look past all of these bugs

and the repetitive missions...

and the microtransactions...

there is a middling open-world game, underneath.

Which has been released...

weeks before Red Dead Redemption II.

[OUTRO] [ ♪ "Living in the City" - Sonic R OST ♪ ]

[OUTRO] ♪ So many different things to see ♪ [ ♪ "Living in the City" - Sonic R OST ♪ ]

[OUTRO] ♪ There's no time ♪

[OUTRO] * Good Franchise *

[OUTRO]

[OUTRO] ♪ So many different things to do ♪

[OUTRO] ♪ But there's no time ♪

[OUTRO] * Good Franchise *

[OUTRO] ♪ So many people all around ♪