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  • (computer dinging)

  • - Jesus, my mom sent me another article

  • about someone's phone exploding and starting a fire.

  • - Oh, she must really be worried

  • that that's gonna happen to you.

  • - She's constantly sending me neurotic emails.

  • Like, every week, I get these sensationalist articles

  • about the dangers of Lyme disease

  • or aspartame or tap water.

  • - At least you only have to deal with one paranoid parent,

  • some people have to deal with two.

  • (laughing)

  • (building dramatic music)

  • - Okay, well fuck both of you.

  • - Katie, what the hell?

  • - You called my mom paranoid,

  • or did you already forget that that happened?

  • Only I can talk shit about my mom.

  • - I didn't say anything.

  • - Yeah, but you laughed at Grant talking shit about my mom.

  • Nobody but me gets to laugh

  • when somebody talks shit about my mom,

  • which is also something that nobody but me gets to do.

  • - I was just reiterating what you said.

  • - Hello, you fucking idiot,

  • you called my mom paranoid, okay?

  • Only I can say she's paranoid.

  • - Okay, I'm sorry I said your mother is paranoid.

  • (sighing)

  • - Yeah, let's just move on, okay?

  • Just don't say it again.

  • - There's nothing really wrong with being paranoid.

  • I wish my mom had been more like that.

  • She never worried about anything,

  • she was too busy being eccentric.

  • - Yeah, what'd she do?

  • - Oh, tons of stuff.

  • She's like the artist type, you know?

  • Like she would show up at school

  • in these like sequin dresses

  • or like cowboy hats, something embarrassing like that.

  • - Oh man, that is crazy.

  • (laughing)

  • (building dramatic music) (whooshing)

  • (screaming)

  • - Hey, this isn't my shirt.

  • - Don't you fucking say anything about my mother ever again.

  • - Jess, I'm sure you're over-reacting.

  • - Bullshit, you heard what she said.

  • That's crazy. - I don't sound like that.

  • - What do you think?

  • You think my mother belongs in the nuthouse?

  • You think she's a nutcase?

  • - I didn't mean it like that,

  • I meant it more like, that's fun, like crazy fun.

  • - Good, you fuckin' better have.

  • - I'm sorry, really. - (sighing) It's clear

  • neither one of you were raised by my mom.

  • She is very relaxed. - How so?

  • - She's got this great chill vibe.

  • It's like every day is a day at the beach.

  • - That is relaxed.

  • (items crashing) (women screaming)

  • (table clattering)

  • - Don't you ever talk about my mother like that.

  • - That was a compliment. - Really!

  • - We swear.

  • - It was a compliment when you said she was relaxed?

  • - Yeah, that's a nice thing to say about somebody.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Yes, I do see how that would be a compliment.

  • I apologize, I can be a little rash.

  • - (chuckling) Well, you sound like my mom.

  • - That's too bad. - Yeah.

  • (building dramatic music)

  • - Don't you fucking dare say that.

  • - No, stop, Katie, no!

  • - Don't you dare say that about my mother!

  • (all screaming)

  • - No, get off of her.

  • Katie, you're gonna kill her.

  • You're gonna kill her.

  • You're gonna kill her.

  • - Oh, that totally reminds me of my mom.

  • She was a mob boss, she killed a lot of people.

  • - Um, sounds like an awesome mom.

  • - Are you kidding?

  • No, she's a murderer,

  • she's in prison, we're all terrified of her.

  • - Yeah, I was gonna say, that sounds super scary.

  • - What the hell did you say?

  • (knife plopping) (screaming)

(computer dinging)

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母を侮辱するのは私だけ (Only I Can Insult My Mom)

  • 564 15
    Samuel に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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